Which Render Engine Improves Your Sex Life The Most?

#1

I have to know the answer to this:

Is it the “slow but brute-force” MaxwellRender?

Is it the “fast and cunning” Redshift?

Is it the “playful and highly customizable” Renderman?

Is it the “free and mischievous” Cycles renderer?

Is it the “path tracing and fiery” OctaneRender?

Is it the “intelligent and muscular” Arnold?

Or perhaps the “setting-crazy and Eastern European” Vray?

What about newcomers like the “sexy and GPU accelerated” ProRender?

Please back up your answer with a valid, peer-reviewed scientific study (e.g. Researchers at Hokkaido University in Japan have found that 97% of MaxwellRender users get no sex whatsoever because their renders take so long that their wives, girlfriends or boyfriends typically leave them after the 3rd or 4th 18 hour test-render).

#2

Corona

Since I switched last year I havent touched 1 render setting, a subdiv, and I started leaving work at 5:30… all of a sudden my renders look better, the color in my face returned and women started groping me in the streets on my walk home… I didnt know if it was the seasons changing, or the little twinkle in my eye knowing my renders will be finished in the morning… but one thing was for sure… I wasnt going back… That day I knew… I was a corona man

#3

…you actually researched this ‘query’ lolz.

Anyway the same can be said for big-boys-toys and dick size, no need for scientific data to back that one up.

#4

Cycles has been my daily driver from the day it has been released; It ruined my sex life vastly for being more interesting than most of the woman I could met here. Maybe they weren’t the problem, whatever. :smiley:

On a more serious note, Redshift seems to attract a lot of… dudes wanting to talk about graphic cards and how it feels to game on a wall of titans. Not sure it’s a win. But I’m getting each time more interested in adopting it for some bigger roles, it’s really faster than anything else I’ve tested here, while still being -quite- interesting.

#5

Are you talking about Corona the render engine, or Corona the beer? :keenly:

When I have a few Coronas to drink, my renders seem to get less noisy all of a sudden. :applause:

#6

:applause:

#7

If I had sex as fast as Redshift renders, I would be a very happy man but my wife would be very angry. If it were like Arnold, probably we both would have been very tired because after an hour we still wouldn’t haven’t finished foreplay…

#8

I ended my relationship with Mental Ray. I was loyal to her coz she was my sweetheart since school and I believed in her fidelity even when all my friends were telling me she’s not trustworthy and many other render engines were making eyes at me. Finally I decided to move on and find another who help me to grow more as an artist so now I’m dating Redshift, my new femme fatale :love:

#9

mental ray is by far the sexiest renderer. Why? Because she’s a complete bitch.

100% of all scientists agree. Read up on the White-Gold Concordiat or something. Pretty sure.