Short Film in WIP

#1

Note:
PLEASE, FOLLOW THE UPDATES ON THE SHOTS ALWAYS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE THREAD. THANK YOU

Ahoj,
i have been working on this short for couple months … . i got finaly to animation stage now and realized it would be great if i could have some people to give me their feedback since i got to the point that it would really help to have other eyes to see what i dont … would be much appreciated. Thank you …

here are the characters

http://www.bohemianmultimedia.cz/data/Projects/MTV/family.jpg

here is one shot out of many. Noah just got home, is about to turn the lamp on and then he looks in a direction of the living room where his parents sit in front of TV - ALL THE TIME. Which gets him annoyed. The lighting should be illuminated by flickering TV light until he turns the lamp on. Then he flips a calendar … and walks away from the shot … Camera should be “hand held” … though this is just a test … lots of details to still care about

http://www.bohemianmultimedia.cz/data/Projects/MTV/Sh9_b/Sh9_b.mov

#2

Great character designs!

I have a few comments about the animation but I’d like to see the clip without the wireframe before I say anything. It’s far too distracting…

#3

ok so the animation link has been updated … no wireframe now
thanks

#4

I can’t see the movie David! it says link has been broken!
Btw I like character concepts and drawings, really amazing work, :wink:

mim,

#5

Hey David,

Very cool job man on this. Especially the character designs are awesome. As far as animation goes it looks pretty good. A few things i noticed are that the arc and overlap of the head as he goes down before he turns and look at his parents need some tweaking (something happening with the kneck there i think).

Also the facial expression you have in there when he gets annoyed by his parents is a bit floaty (if that makes sense). Maybe hold that annoyed facial expression more frames so it reads better.

The hand held motion of the camera looks pretty good although i personally would use a simple pan or tilt of the camera but this ofcourse depends on style and personal taste.

As far as story goes, i know its one shot only but there are some stuff that i dont understand in the scene like. Where is he coming from? Why is he annoyed with his parents? what is he reading in that calendar. When he looks annoyed with his parents do you cut to a shot of them watching tv?

Well i hope this helps, good work and good luck man, cant wait to see more of it.

Andreas

#6

here is one more link. hope it works. it does on my computer. the old one i just replaced the file with a new one so that could have been the problem. this time, it is a new link …

http://www.bohemianmultimedia.cz/data/Projects/MTV/Sh9_b2/Sh9_b2.mov

and THANKS Mim. I’m glad you like the characters. I had a friend Leo Ito from Vancouver to design them and then i worked hard on polishing the looks from 2D concepts to 3D. That was a real challenge. Lot’s of sculpting and changing details … … but the animation is the biggest challenge for me so far … so any feedback is great,

Thanks Andreas. I could post more stuff as I move on. This project was supposed to be in between of some regular work but turned out to be my full time focus. So now i have three more months only to work on the animation …

The story goes like this. Noah gets home, opens the door and walks in … his parents and sista always watch their TV. and as days go by Noah gets more and more frustrated. Most of the shots on the inside are illuminated by TV flickering light. He always checks what his family is doing and nobody pays attention to anything but TV. That is what annoys him the most … the end should have a twist to the story but for most of the story, you should get a feeling that the TV destroys the relationships and that Noah is the victim in effect. … and that he is the one that is not effected by the TV frenzy and does not understand why everybody from his family is so hooked on. …

The format is kinda like a longer commercial ad … more like an MTV ad … 90seconds or so but from looking at my storyboard and layout, it may even get close to 2 minutes. That is a challenge to work on a shot and move on to another when i feel like i should stay with the one before a bit longer … that’s why i would love to have some of you to help me see better …

#7

Hey oneczech
Amazing characters!
Pretty good animation too.

I have a couple of notes though, if you don’t mind.

I’d suggest that you pull the camera out a bit, so that you don’t cut off the top of his head. To me it’s pretty distracting, that it’s so close to his face, it’s easy to lose track of thing.

And then I’d hold the annoying eyebrow movement a bit, so it doesn’t just go down and up right after, but have a moving hold key 3 to 5 frames, and then move it up.

Cheers

#8

if this is a repeat of another post sorry, dont have a lot of time to read the others. I think the animation looks cool but I felt that even in this stage the way the camera is moving is very distracting to me. The camera has a lot of move ins and outs and a couple of seemingly pointless moves. I would say try to clean up the camera movement a bit, as for the animation its looks pretty good and look forward to seeing it really polished up.

#9

I’m also finding the camera moves distracting, even though I love the design. In all the wide shots, he feels too high in the frame (you need to be wider). Hand-held shots can shake or wobble but only a very bad home video has lots of zoom in and outs. You can zoom, but generally in only one direction per shot. Once you reverse the zoom, the camera move will take attention from your action and take us out of the story.

1)when you push in on his face, I expect to CUT to a shot from his point of view to see what has caught his attention

2)then CUT back to him in the wider framing for his final grimace and turning to the calendar

…if the hand-held look is just for style, PLEASE don’t! The character and mood look very cool!

#10

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#11

here is updated and i belived final version … cause i have to move on

http://www.bohemianmultimedia.cz/data/Projects/MTV/Sh9_e/Sh9_e.mov

I tried to pay attention to most of your notes …

thanks a lot

#12

and here are two shots together as Noah walks in …

I appologize to those, that get distracted with the wireframe … i actually get focused a bit better cause i read the depth better … (makes me also feel like it is textured). In the future i could post it without it …

http://www.bohemianmultimedia.cz/data/Projects/MTV/WalkIn/WalkIn.mov

i wonder about adding two more cuts … when he opens the door - show his face for a second

and as Paul B suggested, one more cut to show what he was observing …

as far as emotions, i decided to keep it more neutral cause this is the beginging and the point of the story is that Noah is getting gradually frustraded. SO this may be too soon to show that …

#13

The new camera work is much better.

I think the quality of movement is great. I realise you have to move on, but I would comment on not really “getting” what he’s doing… From an acting POV I’d have preferred to see him enter, put his keys on the table, notice the TV flickering, look, get annoyed, then turn on the light to check the calendar. I take it he’s turning on the light so he can read the calender? Why is he looking at the calendar? I just think it’s a little unclear. But with the rest of the shots it may work just fine.

BUT with what you have it still works. If I was to suggest something to improve what you already have, it would be to work on his look towards the TV room and his reaction to that. Right now I don’t think that expression is clear. If this is something that happens all the time, he seems to be looking in that direction and taking a while for it to sink in that they’re watching TV. It would click immediately, and he’d get annoyed just as quickly. I think that’s why a POV shot of the family watching TV would be worth considering…

Anyway, I’m looking forward to seeing it all put together. The character designs are fantastic and I’m keen to see more!

Good job!

#14

ahoj Andrew

well i can try to explain the story and if that wont work, i could try to change the acting later down the row …

this process of Noah coming home everyday is, obviously, an everyday routine … he comes home, gets off his backpack and walks around the flat to see what’s happening. all the time when he comes in the evening, only the TV lights are on coming from the living room and sista’s room. So the first day, when he comes home, he tries to turn on the lamp … yet before he does that he wonders around … the will be the POV to see the flat for the first time and the TV light coming from two rooms. … So that is why i wanted him to express some dazed moment of thinking before the light is turned on. then the calendar is there to suggest how days, weeks and months are passing by … the more we move on with the story the more cuts are quicker with some quick repeated actions … such as the calendar …

one day when he is almost down on his bottom of frustration, he tries to open the door, it gets stuck a bit so he pushes it hard to open and then walks all the way without stopping to the living room …

so this particular shot is wrapped around by these other events …

i hope to have the longest shots done by the end of the month and then i hope to work on the shorter once with some spare time to tweak more “bad” moments with these fist shots … so any feedback may be actually brought in later on … hope so.

… i will post a closer look of his face … i think my first try was a bit too much expressive for the opening shot … this is the first time we see his face close … and if i want to build frustration over the time, this should be still pretty neutral, maybe bored, teenage like …

thanks again, very much …

#15

here is what i have done today … i still think this is more or less blocking stage … with a bit of smooth curves there. tomorrow i would like Noah to look at himself in the mirror and wipe it with his hand … there we will see another shot close up of his face in the mirror getting a bit sad or hopeless … this is the middle of the story … i wonder what i will come up with

http://www.bohemianmultimedia.cz/data/Projects/MTV/Sh39_a/Sh39_a.mov

#16

here is the close up of what’s happening on his face … what do you think?

http://www.bohemianmultimedia.cz/data/Projects/MTV/Sh8_34/Sh8_34.mov

#17

Hi David. :slight_smile: Cool to look at your stuff in here - always nicer to see you in person though, but this will due… I guess.

I like the two shots with him entering and the following one by the lamp. Camera looks a bit like it “knows” what the character is going to do at the very end - meaning that it’s moving a bit too much in sync with him if you get my drift. I would go for some less camera movement, since now it is making me aware of the “photographer” a bit too much.

Is “Sh8_34.mov” is just a way to show us the face, or is it intended to be a shot aswell?

note.
I think it would good if you PlayBlasted with a framecounter

  • easier to refere to details that way… but anyway looks cool!
#18

Looking good! When I see the closeup of the face I feel his eyes are moving around too much, it looks like he is just looking into an empty space, thinking, when you want him to actually look at the people on the couch. So I would fixate the eyes more and also make the facial expression a bit more extreme.

Good work!
Petter

#19

So since the most annoying thing is the cam motion, i will focus on animation of the character first and then once i most of the shots, i will do the cams …

here is some update to consider.

Petter: this is how i corrected the eyes …
Henrik: the close up is only to show what is happening on Noah’s face …

http://www.bohemianmultimedia.cz/data/Projects/MTV/Sh8_34_closeup/Sh8_34_closeup.mov

This is that bathroom shot from yesterday … final cam angle and one that will eventually appear in the mirror … mostly only his face after he wipes the glass

http://www.bohemianmultimedia.cz/data/Projects/MTV/Sh40_FaceInmirror/Sh40_FaceInmirror.mov

http://www.bohemianmultimedia.cz/data/Projects/MTV/Sh40_theCam/Sh40_theCam.mov

THANK YOU ! you guys have very good eyes …

#20

here is one more update … a shot that frustrated me quite a lot over the last week. only 6 seconds and so much trouble. and there are details such as hands and hair that i just dont have time to really figure out … but the lighting should be pretty dark cause Synthia is watching some TV show, gets disappointed and bored but there will be most likely only the TV light doint the illumination. So i hope most of the little stuff will get hidden in the dark …

http://www.bohemianmultimedia.cz/data/Projects/MTV/Sh24_last/Sh24_last.mov