Short animation script


Hello all,

Updated Script

it is still WIP so feel free to let me know what you think. :smiley: (i.e crit away)
this is a co-op project, working with my friend Louis Browne (you can see an early character design/concept there).

Here are some of the really early concept pictures, nothing is nailed down yet though. So I post these here more so you can get a feeling of what we are trying to do.

Pencil drawing of internal architecture…

Mechanical early concept…

A building concept… half painted because it containts some photographic elements.

This was a day light photo that I photoshopped and painted some quick damage and nighttime lighting to get a ‘feel’ of the type of environment.

Spideroid concept…

As I said though, these are nowhere near going to be the final designs. But you get the idea. :smiley:


Sounds like a heck of a challenge to set yourself. Good luck!
As to the script, what stuck out for me is the lack of a description of whatever it is that tells us that he is a survivor that has fled from the front lines. Is he limping, do we see blood pouring down his arm, is he dazed and charred as if he got too close to an explosion? Another thing, just how much shrapnel does the spideroid spew and how far? Because if it was as much and as penetrative as it sounds like (enough to go through a barrier to seriously damage the mechanical), A. How did the soldier manage not to get hurt (shrapnel was able to go through the floor to destroy his gun, and yet didn’t hit him) and B. what was a flimsy old stained glass window doing still whole after such an explosion? More minor point, if a small ship from the from the main battle is capable of crashing in the area of the building, in order to make it so the crash doesn’t feel so coincidental, maybe have other explosions occur around the building before then, or at least show a few craters around in the beginning.


I’m stunned by the designs! Wow. Will wait until completed script to post comments on how your script can be tightened.


Thanks guys :smiley:
I’ll post an updated script later on tonight.


Made some additions and changes, although I’m wondering if the Alien scene is really required. I might try and close the scene without it. Not sure how yet though. :smiley:

Updated Script.


Sorry for no update… but i’m back on the script now.


i think the script would do fine without the alien part, kinda ruined the whole scane of the fight, and also maybe u could add 2 more shoilders with the mech, makes it seem more like that his unite was wiped out by the mech unite and he’s running for his life, but for the alien, that i think ruins the whole concept of the mood, cuz it just pops out of nowhere, no events leading into it, because the audience would know if that was the first alein they saw or in this future do they have aliens, u know i guess what i’m trying to say is u have to establish sides in this future, and adding 3 sides is a little weird, and then yet again the alein part may be cool as long as u detail it more. ALL IN ALL ITS A VERY NICE START FOR AN OPENING TO A GREAT STORY!


Thanks Yasko,

Yeh, the alien part is underdeveloped and I’m not sure If it will stay in. I’m working on the next draft so I’ll update once I’m happy with it.

Cheers for the help,



Ok, i’m back with a new draft…


Some new additions and quite a few changes. For the better I hope :smiley:


Yet another draft… I’ve changed quite a bit in this one. interested to know what anyone thinks of the new build up to the fight. The fight itself has been changed quite a bit, and I’ve decided to not show any shots of the actual pilot until he gets out of the mechanical (although you do see some POV shots from the mechanical).

Draft 8



Cool stuff , dude, that ancient bath pic looks great and
the script looked fun too :thumbsup:



Thanks man :smiley:


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