Character painting, feedback appreciated :)

#1

While, I have been working on this project for a while now. Now, I’m at a road block and I’m not sure which direction to go. Basically because I have gotten so many ideas and I’m not quite sure which to choose. Also general critique on anatomy, composition, the works…

Oh, I almost forgot this is a college assignment. I wrote a story for my “Imagining the story short story class” called “Berry”. My teacher had instructed us to ether create an illustration plan or draw a scene from the story. I turned in my sketches in and my teacher said to show her the drawing when I was finished.

Anyway heres the thumb nails, and some line work I have gotten done so far:

#2

I like the first one. The last one, seems artifitial, and everything is arranged in a way that looks flat (maybe you need more shape overlapping).
The second, I think is less interesting: We can’t see how the character feels (if brave, scared (probably)…) and I think the perspective is not achieved well enough.
The next one, with the archer, doesn’t tell too much.
The first one tell us about the relation both characters have, where they are,… and have a better composition that provide a clear point of interest.

thanks for sharing,

Jorge

#3

Thanks for the help :slight_smile: ! Thats the one I was kind of leaning towards after I thought about more last night. Your words just reinforces that.

#4

Yay, Update, Here you go !

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#5

Only the first image in the first post shows up–the others are all dead images.

Also, when assessing narrative images, we need to actually know what the narrative is about. Give us a basic overview of the narrative and what the image is supposed to convey.

#6

Hello, Sorry I haven’t been around to update this thread but here we go :slight_smile: !!

Lunatique: (The story is about 7 pages so…) heres a quick summary I posted in another thread using question and answer. However should give you an good enough idea of the story.

The main Character Robbie Vayne is challenged to find a bear to satisfy a debt he owes. However, their are high stakes involved. Also He stumbles upon a baby bear after killing it’s mother.

Where does the story take place (and is it real or fictitious)?

A fantasy realm, in a vast mountainous landscape.

What time period is this (what technology is present)?

While, in this case the answer is complex. the world is very divided and many different groups of people isolate themselves from one another. Therefore there are different levels of development when it comes to how advanced they are. But, in the character current situation it is very poor and with old fashioned.

What is the character’s background (including heritage and upbringing, motivation, etc)?

While, the character’s background is extensive. So I’ll summarize it the best I can. He comes from a rich family that grains there wealth though others suffering. The family structure is mob-like and full of pride. However He turned his back on his family now he is a man, with an target on his back. Sorry this description has a lack of detail …

What does he do and why? And what is his personality

While, at the monument of the story he is still trying to find himself and compete a new identity. He feels a overwhelming feeling of displacement, and not knowing what to do with himself. However later he finds his own.

#7

Based on your description, I think your image lacks the emotional resonance it could have. When illustrating visual narratives, you need to find the emotionally poignant moments, or dramatically interesting moment to illustrate, as well as convey the narrative in a clear manner.

Why not show the moment right after the mother bear had been killed, and Robbie is kneeling over the dead body when he notices the baby bear, looking frightened and sad while trying to hide in the bushes. Or maybe the baby bear has come out of the bushes after seeing its mother killed, because it is so distraught, and Robbie is surprised by seeing the sad baby bear, and looks at it with sympathy and guilt.

#8

Thanks allot for the feedback Lunatique, I like the suggestion. I’ll post thumbs for it when possible. I just have a question, since I’m gotten so far should I still finnish this one? I’m also worried about running out of time, the end of the semester is coming up fast. I just want to make sure I have something. I figure if I get both done I could turn in both.

#9

One thing I noticed is you have very dark tones and values closest to the viewer in the images, and the lightest furthest away. I think this tends to de-emphasize the figures, and while I know it’s a trendy style a lot of comic guys have been using, it’s not working for me - you have strong drawing skills, but it’s hidden in murky colors.

Also, the bear swiping…that’s an awkward pose. His front leg is too long, for one, and that is not how bears attack - they generally get on their back paws, standing up, and wave their front legs, but they don’t swipe from that far away. The bear rearing up would be much more menacing, too.

#10

Illustration is all about visual narrative, so the visual storytelling in it is just as important as the drawing/painting. If you knowingly work on a piece that you know has inferior visual narrative when you already have a much better idea, then it seems to defeat half the purpose of an illustration. Remember how Pixar scrapped an almost finished Toy Story 2 and restarted from scratch because they realized the story just wasn’t strong enough? That’s what creative people need to do in order to be the best they can be. Even if you have to sacrifice some sleep and socializing in order to redo the image with the superior idea, you should do it.

#11

OK, point taken :slight_smile: .

#12

OK, here is quick thumbs for the new painting. These were very quick, I was just more concerned about the story vs the values this time around. I just hope you can can understand them.

#13

The top/right version seems to convey the narrative mostly clearly (we can see the baby bear’s face, the dead mother, and the man’s face).

#14

Ok, heres some updated thumbs. I’m very sorry it took so long to get these up. Anyways, I prefer the bottom right my self, so I did that one and the one Lunatique suggested.

#15

Here’s an update, I was able to poke around a little on one of the thumbs. I still do want to refine the other one as well.

#16

Don’t you think it’s very important that we see the baby bear’s face? It’s such a key component in your visual narrative. For all we know, the baby bear might be sneering at him–we can’t tell. We need to see the baby bear looking sad/distraught, which will create emotional resonance.

#17

Yeah, I thought about that. At first I was worried about them having eye contact. But, now I’m thinking of ways to have both the baby bears face and them having eye contact in the composition.

What I was thinking is to have the baby com in from the side and twist his head toward Robbie. So you can see the babies face and they can share eye contact.

#18

Here is an update, yay ! I finally found a way to have the cubs face in the composition. Well how is this? or do you guys still favor the other thumb?

#19

I might work, but that’s not an angle beneficial for clear readability of the baby bear’s expression. What don’t you like about the other composition? It reads very clearly, and you can easily adapt to fit the layout you prefer.

#20

I’m very sorry it took sooo long to update this thread :(…

Lunatique: While, I honestly don’t care for the other one because it feel to plan and it feels wrong to me. Also in this version the viewer is allot closer to the characters. The highest of the shot makes it feel more intimate. Definitely with the eye contact between the two characters.