Just reserving my spot for now. I’m considering the following backstory.
Frank P Moultrie is a small-time crook that suffers from extreme kleptomania. Any time he came across an item that was shiny, he’d pocket it regardless of its actual value. There was never a malicious intent, nor a desire for wealth beyond mere survival. Upon his capture, he was deemed to be a criminal due to his inability to overcome his crippling kleptomania and released on the grounds that he would attend weekly therapy sessions. In one of these lengthy, redundant sessions, he received some rather hasty advice from his therapist: “It seems you’ve been very selfish in your actions. Perhaps you should try helping others for a change.” This elementary suggestion twisted Frank’s slant and converted his goals - creating one of the most inefficient crime-fighters ever to grace the local strip mall:
FILCH.
