Story Solutions.

#361

First I’d like thank you for your time and effort in helping people like me. I am working with a friend on developing a story. Would like to know what you think about it …

Lollypop
Written by: Ansar Sheikh & Ali Asad Jafri

Story

Three men are standing in front of a newsstand while being engaged in their own little activities. There is the rabbi, a teacher and a rich man saying hello to each other exchanging greetings. A small child with a lollypop in his hand walks by the three men. The boy suddenly falls because of an untied shoelace. The boy at first makes a crying face but notices his lollypop and start to taste it. The boy forgets for a moment about his untied shoeless and enjoys his lollypop, all this happen while the three men watch. The three men make a wager with each other to take the lollypop from the boy.

The teacher makes the first move and approaches the boy asking him for his lollypop. The teacher seeing that the boy refuses to hand over that object, takes out a ruler to give him a good spanking. The boy starts crying and the teacher doesn’t want to make much fuss around for the public. He tries to quiet the boy and walks away.

Coming back the other two men laugh at the teacher. The rabbi tries his luck by approaching the boy asking for that object, telling him how God will be happy if he gives him the lollypop. The child still refuses and the rabbi tries to snatch it from him. The boy puts on the crying routine again
and the rabbi runs away.

The rich man than tries his luck by approaching the kid and offering him money. He gets furious but remembers what happened to the last two men, so he walks back with a grumpy face.

The three man standing together now see a lady walk pass them. She comes near the boy and ties his shoelace. The boy grateful for this act, offers his lollypop to his mother. The three men look in astonishment. The lady overcome with awe for the boy carries him away.

The boy in the laps of the lady looking at the three men shows his tongue to them. The three men look despaired.

#362

Hi Ali,

Nice story.
Is there anything in particular about the story you’d like to ask
because there’s little to correct.

The only question I have is under what context will the story be presented?

Because if I had to recommend an “improvement” I would look at what
purpose the story serves. Is it meant to prove a point, or is it just for laughs,
professional or private, etc. There may be room for tweaking to deliver a bigger
punch at the end of the story. But if it is meant for a short and sweet little skit,
it works just fine as it is.

ThinkStory

#363

Yes, it is meant for a short and it is basically meant for laughs as well as an engaging story for people to like. Although have made some modifications to the basic story. Glad you liked it :slight_smile:

Story
Three men are standing in front of a newsstand while being engaged in their own little activities. There is the rabbi, a teacher and a rich man saying hello to each other exchanging greetings. A small child with a lollypop in his hand walks by the three men. The boy suddenly falls because of an untied shoelace. The boy at first makes a crying face but notices his lollypop and start to taste it. The boy forgets for a moment about his untied shoeless and enjoys his lollypop, all this happen while the three men watch. The three men make a wager with each other to take the lollypop from the boy.

The teacher makes the first move and approaches the boy asking him for his lollypop. The teacher seeing that the boy refuses to hand over that object, looks at the boy with frowning eyes and an angry face, taking out his stick to intimidate him. The boy sensing fowl intentions starts crying and the teacher doesn’t want to make much fuss around for the public. He tries to quiet the boy and walks away.

Coming back the other two men laugh at the teacher. The rabbi tries his luck by approaching the boy asking for that object, telling him how God will be happy if he gives him the lollypop. The child still refuses and the rabbi tries to snatch it from him. The boy puts on the crying routine again
and the rabbi runs away.

The rich man than tries his luck by approaching the kid and offering him money. He gets furious but remembers what happened to the last two men, so he walks back with a grumpy face.

The three men standing together now see a lady walk pass them. She comes near the boy and ties his shoelace. The boy grateful for this act, offers his lollypop to his mother. The three men look in astonishment. The lady overcome with awe for the boy carries him away.

The boy in the laps of the lady looking at the three men shows his tongue to them. The three men look at each other in amazement.

#364

Hi Ali,

I liked the ending more in the 2nd version but
I also liked the teacher part of the 1st version better.

The ruler fits better with the role of a teacher.
Is there a reason why you changed it?

ThinkStory

#365

Well, I changed the teacher part with the stick so that it would register more as an alternative weapon that’s only used for punishment and intimidation.

A Swedish person pointed out to me that they dislike the spanking as it is considered offensive to punish children this way, so I changed that part to make it more digestible overall.

Although, I do agree with you that the ruler goes more in-sync with the teacher personality.

#366

Hi Ali,

oh, when you said spank I thought it was more a
school slap on the hand.

Yeah, I agree that it can be considered offensive but will
replacing the ruler with a stick be less of a punishment?
I think it is the “intent” of the punishment that offends
rather than the tool itself.

It also depends on the setting, I had originally
pictured it to have an old world look which will alter
society norms. Just some thoughts.

ThinkStory

#367

Hello ThinkStory,

Well visually I don’t want to actually show the teacher
hitting the boy but rather intimidating him with it. I think
I’ll go ahead with the ruler instead of the stick.

The setting you’ve suggested is a good idea. Right now we’re
doing the character design and art direction so lets see how
things look.

Wish to thank you for all the input you’ve given. Much
appreciated. :slight_smile:

#368

Great, sounds good! Always glad to help out.
By the way, I stopped by to checkout your website,
COOL base layout !!

ThinkStory

#369

Hi ThinkStory (and anyone who thinks he/she can help)!

I’m doing a 30 sec short on an aggressive little character, who’d have to behave as follows:

While he interacts with a secondary (little, and not necessarily living) character (eg. a fish, a flower, or maybe just a brick…) he gets really annoyed with it, without any REAL reason, as tension builds up he explodes with anger, because that’s the way he’s wired, and the “grand finale” would be a really funny few second scene as our main character wrecks the helpless prop/living creature in a hilarious way, probably getting more badly hurt than his “victim”.

Now to be honest this seems to be a pretty classic storyline, yet I think it has potential, and colud be produced in an original manner. My question is: how exactly? :slight_smile: I’d like to focus on the anger of the main character, and the way he gets carried away by it…
Background and staging would be as minimal as possible, just to keep the focus were it needs to be.

Please let me know your thoughts/ideas on this if you have the time. I’d be greatful, creditwise as well…

Thanks, and have a nice day!

Cheers, Adam

#370

Hello.

I’d like to ask if anybody can suggest a few simple projects for a storyboarding class that will be running for three weeks. I’m filling in for the former instructor and I’m scratching my head on this one mainly because I’ve never had to teach storyboarding. I’m in need of ideas that are both creative but not overwhelming. This is a college class with 20 - 30 year olds attending.

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

#371

I wouldn’t know if this would help but here are some suggestions.

Transformation drawings of an animal into a human character. Experiment
with the shapes and come up with as much interesting personality or
appeal as possible.

Combine basic shapes such as a circle, rectangle or oval and coming up
with character personality. Also show simple motions or action using those
shapes.

Coming up with a storyline and storyboarding it utilizing bizarre or simple
situations e.g. veggies planning to make a jail break. There jail is
a refrigerator.

Good Luck!

#372

I don’t know if this would be a good idea, it’s something I was going to do for final graduation project before I took time off from the Art Institute.

Basically it is a twist on the angel and devil conscience helpers. My idea was to have a young man see cute girl at a park who gives him that smile only girls can to let you know they are interest or like what they see. The guy being some what shy and bashful is aided by these two mythical icons. My twist was to change the type of image of the angel and devil conscience.

For the devil I was thinking of something that you see and automatically draw the conclusion of wholesome, loving, and wise like a grandmother but a evil maniacal twist something like a military tattoo and a handbag full of devices(C4, trip mines, sniper rifle, chemical agents) to sway their charge to her way of thinking.

For the angel I was thinking of something you again look at and become fearful, monster or a typical mobster something out of the ordinary, who would also have a bag of tricks to persuade the host to accept their advice for the given situation.

The main plot is that instead of the Angel and devil giving advice that the host would accept the do battle on his shoulders and the victor has no opposition. Basically the war on his shoulder with Weapons Of Mass Distraction.

You could have the students make the traditional angel and devil, but then come up with one or two different images in a storyboard that would have them giving advice.

#373

juhada - How about use a simple ball as the secondary object?
It can’t talk or walk like live creatures but does have the
ability to make noise and roll, fly, spin, bounce, and attack others
on it’s own which can drive the main character crazy.
It’s a good tool to use if you want to give personality to a
character without necessarily making it too complex or have feelings.

perius - I love teaching, it’s always exciting.
An activity I did when I taught storyboard is to show a short clip or
part of a movie to the class and have the students re-storyboard the video
with their own interpretation. It works best if you have the script.
I used to give an excerpt of the script to the students to review at home
and come up with initial ideas, before showing the actual video so that
they can compare/contrast. This way I can explain the technical stuff
in a more practical and engaging way. Also, having the whole class
storyboard the same script allows them to see how we interpret
and express stories differently, giving a little flavor of competition and
variety to the lecture.

ThinkStory

#374

Hi ThinkStory. I really wants to thank you for your time and support in this forum. I don’t know what much to say but thank you.

I need your help with something.

My lecturer asked me to write a 30 seconds story. “BUT” he doesn’t want (Gags, Religions, commerciales, politics and sensitive topics). I tryed to write but I everytime can come up with commerciale or gags as it is for thiry seconds. I really don’t know what to do now.

#375

Hi THE-SAMURAI-LEADER,

Good question!!

Stories are made so complicated these days, it’s become a challenge to
inspire simple thinking. If you need help with “simple concepts.”
Try to go to a local library or bookstore and checkout the children’s section.
Take a look at the picture books and see how the author builds up
their plotline and structure.

Stories like lost and found, what’s in the box, fantasy themes such as things coming
to life in the museum are some examples.

None of them will have sensitive topics. These are tiny little sketches of big ideas
in small words and few pages, yet a beginning, middle and ending is still maintained
in each story. Don’t copy them but read through a few. You just want to apply
their method to a subject that would be of interest to you. The key is to take a
basic thought, emotion, or situation and explore it a under a magnifying glass.
So write small but think big.

ThinkStory

#376

Wow Think Story. You are really amazing. That’s a nice idea you gave me. I never thought about it and I think it’s gonna help me alot.

You are one of best story thinker.:thumbsup:

#377

Hi think story
I’ve posted my short film story on another thread here…
http://forums.cgsociety.org/showthread.php?f=156&t=609705

Could u please take a look at it and suggest a better ending or execution? The important thing is i don’t want it to get any longer than this…shorter will be great.

Thanks in advance!

#378

Hi Shrutsss,

Here’s the thing, every story needs an arc. A punch line.
It can be a point, reason, or reward after the audience is taken through the journey.

For this story, I think you want to convey the idea to not indulge into too much food.
Here’s one way to break it out.
Beginning - Too much food = Problem
Middle - Girl realizes this = Journey
Ending - Girl walks to school upset = ?..we need a solution/resolution/turning point

Here’s one way to fix it:
Keep the beginning from dream - wake up - bathroom - kitchen - missing the school bus.
But let’s cut short with her flashbacks. By this time especially after the dream sequence
the audience should understand what the “problem” is in the story. Instead, let’s drive
the theme forward, stress less on what she’s been doing in the past but more on how
her decision has led to an actual consequence. To do this you can mix the running
with smaller flashbacks. The memories come to her as she hurries after the bus.
Memory of eating - running - eating - running. Then she trips, looks up, and realizes
the bus is far gone, on the ground at the peak of despair, she can’t run anymore
and screams.

She wakes up.

It was a dream. She looks at the time, 15 min late.
(This part happens very fast.)
She hurries down the stairs with the toothbrush in her mouth as she finishes getting
dressed (no time for eating). She opens the refrigerator and grabs something out and
runs out the door. The bus comes. She catches it. The door slides open for her -
she made it. She’s so relieved but then there’s a pause and she decides not to go in -
she decides to take a walk today. Watching the bus leave, she happily takes out
the mysterious something she took from the kitchen, it’s a celery, and she happily
crunches on it as she skips her way to school.

The message is not to stop eating but to eat healthy, to move, to exercise, but
most important (storywise) is that it’s the character’s decision that drives the story
forward, that changes its outcome. The idea is that what your character chooses
to do will make the story more interesting then just the events themselves.

There are also other alternatives, this is just one idea that I thought would require as
few changes as possible. Just a modification on the flashback scene to give room for a
more fulfilling wrap up.

ThinkStory

#379

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