Story Solutions.

#221

Hi dorvanium,

thanks for your comments, and I’d be glad
to help you on your next projects also!

ThinkStory

#222

Hey ThinkStory,

It is obvious that you are a very good story adviser. I’m working on anti-littering commercial for local charity for free of charge. I just want to do it for a good cause.

If you still have time and want to have a look at it. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. The animatic is included.

http://forums.cgsociety.org/showpost.php?p=3597462&postcount=11

Thanks!
Braam

#223

Its been a while since I posted here.

But, from the script that I wrote, I’m in the first draft right now. I sent it to alot of people and hand delivered it to several directors here in Chicago. I kept getting negative feedback from all, so I re-wrote 70% of it. The first draft that I have right now is just about done (give-or-take 2 months, its summer ya know). I was just using a freeware app to make and I think that was my problem, probably bad format and some places just threw it out.

I’ve since uped the ante with “Final Draft 7” and started getting a better respose from some places.
Well to sum it up, I have have a new script in the works. So I’ll be needing help from you wonderfull people again. Especially you Think Story!

#224

Hi Thinkstory.

You’re an absolute star for doing this thread, keep up the good work…

I’ve been toying with the idea of doing a short animation to music based on the theme of repetition. Characters would generally be quite cartoony in nature, with large floppy ears and long anteatery snouts.

I wanted to use musical/graphical repitition to highlight the apathy of the lead character and the daily grind of their life. With the “take home message”, (to coin your phrase), being the eventual realisation that we are all a product of circumstance. For instance a business man, teacher, housewife, janitor, millionaire ends up in their situation based on a series of events, both manufactured and random, and that generally life isn’t a bed of roses.

Rather an obtuse choice of subject matter I know.

I can picture various scenes and have done a little concept work, my main problem is that I’m floundering trying to tie it all up into a coherent story.

Any chance you could illuminate me with your opinion on the best way to gel my discordant ideas together?

The film would be aimed at children and adults in equal measure. It would be a few mins in length, and I’d be aiming for a hypnotic effect to the visuals and music, using the aforementioned repitition.

If you have any further questions, I’d be glad to answer…

Thanks

Spider

#225

Hi braam,

a good thing you’re doing for anti-littering.
The clip looks good. Nice designs, can’t wait to see
the final draft.

It looks pretty finalized so I won’t comment too much,
the only thing that you might want to consider is incorporating
some symbolism of what littering is doing to our environment
as a way to enhance the message. Like instead of having the
woman back away from the Monster because it looks scary,
have her faint from its stench and instead of physically destroying
the stand, have the fruits rot simply from the Monster’s odor.
Or when the main character throws a can at the Monster, it
bounces back with ten cans on the floor or at the attacker.

Stuff like that. Just some thoughts.

ThinkStory

#226

Hi spider_newgent,

hmm…I kinda have an idea of what you’re looking for
and kinda don’t. Do you have more details, maybe it’ll
help if I can see some of your concepts.

Anyway, from what I understand based on your description,
maybe what you can do is to literally morph the characters
from one to another in between their storylines. That should
be able to convey your theme of repetition visually and solve
the coherent problem at the same time since you can merge
the animation with the characters as opposed to the storyline.
It’ll also help underline that all the characters are the same,
“a product of circumstances” idea you have.

Does that work for you? Let me know.

ThinkStory

#227

hey TS!

have PM u. :slight_smile:

#228

Hi ThinkStory! Like everyone else has said, thank you very much for maintaining this thread for so long. Here is my story idea for my short (1-2 min) student reel. Any help is greatly appreciated!

Back story:

Set in the late 1800’s, my story involves an organ grinder monkey who has recently left his master, figuring he could make a lot more cash by cutting out the middle man. This hasn’t really been working out so he has since turned to a life of crime, pick pocketing from those who would stop to watch his show. As a result he must drift from town to town, constantly seeking out a new audience that doesn’t already know his tricks. Because of this he has become cynical and jaded, and puts very little effort into his performance.

Story Idea so far:

Open on various close-ups of the monkey preparing his equipment for the show (titles can be placed on the various organ grinder equipment), end with the monkey’s hand beginning to turn the organ crank.

Jump to a long-shot and we see the monkey in the middle of a European style cobblestone paved square. The music starts and the monkey begins to jump around a little. A crowd starts to gather (the crowd will mostly be seen from the knees down as the camera will be matched to the height of the monkey).

The monkey starts his half-assed dancing and then quickly switches on the organ’s “auto-pilot”. He makes his way into the crowd and begins to collect money (hands reaching down into frame, monkey grabs the coins, or coins could just be tossed into the monkey’s hat). At the same time however, the monkey’s tail is seen in the background, picking the pockets of the unsuspecting audience.

Suddenly the organ starts to skip which startles the monkey, who is in the middle of very gingerly removing a wallet from a man’s back pocket. He tugs just a little too hard and the wallet goes flying, landing on the street and popping open to reveal a police badge. He looks up and, realizing he’s been caught, starts backing slowly towards the organ as more wallets and jewelry fall out of his vest. All the while the organ is still stuck in a loop. Then, pulling a “Fonz” the monkey gives a sharp whack to the organ which sets it back on track.

The monkey then scrambles to pick up as much dropped loot as he can while collecting his equipment and running off as the legs close in after him. Iris to black.

The End

Known issues:

Hand cranked organs don’t actually skip
The ending stinks
No payoff

Any advice you can give would be much appreciated!

#229

Greetings Think Story…

Wow, great forum. I read through a few pages and noticed a lot of individual instances for creating better stories. Was wondering if you could change gears, maybe give the young writer, animator, etc… some insite on your preparations before writing.
Anything from materials used, ways to clear mind, environment, books… entertain us with your quarks. I’m sure many would like to know what makes the story become more clear before it is written.

Cheers. :slight_smile:

#230

Hi Dex128,

hmm…I understand what you mean by the story
having “no payoff.” To solve that problem though,
we have to first answer what kind of payoff do you
want for it?

Don’t think about how to get there yet, we can answer
that later, the important thing is knowing where you
want it to go. Ideally, do you want the story to be
upbeat or downbeat?
Should the main character be captured or escape?
Is the story about learning a lesson or setting an example?

ThinkStory

#231

Hi ratatat,

things to do for story preparation…makes me think back
to when I taught. I did some research on the subject and
compiled a nice list of good tips creatives use. Let me see
if I can pull up some of those lecture notes!

Uh, but if you’re asking me personally though, I apologize
cause I’m probably not going to be of much use…um,
I don’t use any of them.

I’m one of those weirdos who has to have everything pretty
much sorted through in my mind before the writing starts.
So when I do start, it’s on-the-go.

I do sometimes get stuck in the middle of stories though and
with that, there’s really just one simple technique I use,…I sleep.

Sometimes, it depends on when you’re most mentally active.
I think best right before I get up so I just sleep when I feel like I’m
loosing perspective on a story and an idea usually comes to me when
I get up. This works well because I’m not much of a sleeper, (don’t
like naps and sort of an early person) so I don’t wind up lazying out.

So that’s it.
Uh, does it sound too simple? It’s different for everybody though,
that’s just what works for me. But often, the simplest solutions are
the best ones, don’t you think?

ThinkStory

#232

Hi ThinkStory! Thanks for the input so far. I tend to have a hard time committing to an idea so your advice was very helpful. It’s definitely harder to come up with an ending if I’m unsure of the overall feeling I want for the film.

I definitely want to keep the story upbeat. As for the monkey being captured or escaping, I think I’ve thought of a way to incorporate both!

First, I cut out the bit with the monkey scrambling to pick up his stuff. Then, after the crowd’s legs close in on him, it cuts to a shot of the monkey being put in hand cuffs. In the last shot, the monkey is being led off (into the sunset maybe?) and you see his tail grabbing the cop’s key ring as the monkey looks back with a grin.

So he doesn’t necessarily learn a lesson or set an example. Except for maybe “if you’re going to hand cuff a monkey who steals things with his tail, make sure you do something about that tail!”

Let me know what you think! Thanks again.

[font=Verdana]Warren
[/font]

#233

Whoops, wrong forum.
Reposted in Film Editing.

#234

Hi Dex128,

the ending is good if that’s the way you want to go
but we’re still missing the things in the middle.

The story so far don’t seem to be saying much:
A monkey gets tired of working for humans, runs out
on his own and gets arrested but sneaks the keys to
escape.

It needs a focal point like
if the idea is that the monkey
is smarter than humans, then we can fill-in a few quickies
of just-for-fun pranks he plays on his audience.
Or if the idea is that he’s like a monkey Houdini, show how
he is able to escape from his owner’s cage in some amazing
way and then even when he gets caught by the cops, he
manages to get the keys, choosing to live in free poverty than
in confined wealth, something like that.

It needs a central idea to play with, know what I mean?

ThinkStory

#235

Dex128

Adding content to the middle, as Thinkstory suggests, could help to provide more substance to the monkey’s character and the overall point of your movie. And I agree with this.

However, I think you should include the back story into the main story since so far the audience is unaware of the monkey’s motives. Or rather, how he fell into this life of crime. This will be important when the audience is left to decide how to feel about the monkey’s capture and subsequent escape. Otherwise, someone like myself will watch the movie and feel unmoved by the ending sequence. In truth, once the monkey is captured, the moral of the story is essentially, “crime doesn’t pay.” However, when he escaped, we’re back to square one. Does that make sense?

All in all, your current formula works as an adorable homage to the superior cunning of street-performing monkeys over humans. No real pay-off. No real investment. Just a really cute story. I like that and I believe it’ll work out nicely as it is.

Should you hope for a pay off, you might consider throwing the back story in there in some form or another. Just my opinion.

  • Joe Burnham
#236

Thank you guys very much for all the input so far. The biggest issue I’m having is trying to cram this story into 1-2 minutes. I know it can be done though!

I think I’ve come up with a good solution to explaining the back story. In the intro I can include a poster on the front of the organ exclaiming “entertainer and his fabulous performing monkey” with the entertainer’s picture crudely scratched out. Or I could show the monkey tearing off the half of the poster with the entertainer on it, using that as the opening shot with the titles (VFS presents, A Short film by ___, etc) being incorporated into the poster.

I know what you mean about no lesson being learned though. One of the things I always disliked about some of the older cartoons (Woody Woodpecker for example) was the fact that the main character always got away with being a complete jerk to the supporting cast, most of whom were simply minding there own business. And on that note

     I’m also seriously considering getting rid of the thievery all together, instead starting out with the monkey escaping from his cruel master.

The scene opens, panning down the poster (as mentioned above) on the door of the entertainer’s caravan. A man can be heard yelling in Italian, followed by the crash of objects being thrown. The monkey then bursts through the door, running off into the night, dragging his organ behind him. Flash forward to a performance where the monkey is discovering that “going it alone” is harder than he’d hoped. He’s not getting much money and he’s hungry (rattles his cup with only a few coins heard, looking down at his stomach growling). His master shows up during the middle of his performance and throws a collar on him (with a little padlock or something). At first the monkey is ready to give up but as he’s being led back to the caravan he sees something (like a really lame costume or his cage or something) and realizes that he definitely does not want to go back. The last scene could end with the monkey using his tail to steal the key and running off again.

 That would follow along with the theme of “living free in poverty rather than confined in wealth” and hopefully help the audience feel for the monkey a little more.

Let me know! Thanks again for all the help!

#237

Well, I spoke to my teacher at school today and she pointed out that this new version of the story was sounding pretty depressing, which is kind of the opposite of what I was going for. Also, she didn’t understand why the monkey would continue organ grinding after he escaped, and why he would let the collar be put on without fighting back. I explained that he was giving up on his freedom since his new life was proving to be a lot harder than anticipated, but I can see what she means.

She liked the first bit at the caravan though, so I came up with the idea of reworking the story to be more like a “lovers quarrel” between the monkey and the organ grinder. One major change is that the monkey no longer uses the organ, as it will now be played by the organ grinder to give him a more significant role in the relationship. Here is the latest I have:

Open on a close up of the aforementioned poster, panning downwards showing the Titles, etc. while a man can be heard yelling in Italian (possibly with the monkey yelling back, in monkey speak). The camera pulls back revealing that the poster is on the door of a gypsy style caravan. This is accompanied by the sound of things being thrown around, with one particularly loud crash causing the door to shake and the poster to fall off.

  As soon as the poster settles on the ground, the door bursts open and the monkey storms out, stepping on the half of the poster with the entertainer’s picture. It sticks to the monkey’s foot and the poster tears down the middle. The monkey half turns, hopping backwards on one foot while trying to shake loose the piece of the poster. The poster comes off and floats to the ground, resting diagonally beside the other half. Fade to black.

      Flash forward to the next day where we find the monkey standing in a cobble stoned square, a crowd of legs in front of him. He is dancing and looking very awkward with no music being played as this was the organ grinders part of the act. People start booing and the monkey looks dejected as he reaches into his hat and pulls out a wallet sized photo of the organ grinder and stares at it longingly. Then, faintly, the monkey hears the organ grinder’s music. The music gets louder as the crowd parts and the organ grinder is revealed. The organ grinder stops playing and produces a rose from off screen. The monkey is overjoyed and runs towards the organ grinder, hugging his leg and wrapping his tail around him.

End with the monkey entering the caravan and closing the door behind him as we see the poster, crudely taped together, back on the door. Heart shaped iris-in to black…

Suddenly we hear a crash followed by a quick iris out as the arguing starts up again. The tape on the poster comes loose and half the poster falls forward. Cut to black, roll credits.

The camera is still at monkey-eye-level so humans will only be seen from waist down.
On a side note: If I can find someone to translate Italian I’ll have the organ grinder saying “take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape” or some other famous movie quote involving monkeys.

#238

Dex128,

I like both versions of your story.

The problem I have is with your teacher. There is no right or wrong to art. It’s all in the execution. If you want to make the first version, which is apparently “depressing”, she’ll have to deal with it. I honestly believe the first version had a very positive message.

I also believe your teacher’s wrong about the organ, as well. She seemed to view it as more of an anchor to his detrimental life with the Entertainer. This would support her reasons for finding the overall story “depressing”. She just sees things differently. However, I saw it as perhaps the monkey felt that his true calling was to perform with the organ. One day, he meets this Entertainer and figures it’s his big break. Things go sour, as most things in life do, and he’s back on the streets. Would you just throw away your talent and find something else to do? Of course not.

Anyway. While I like both versions, I did feel that the second story is a little too light-hearted and “perfect”, so to speak. The beauty of the first version is in its reality.

The only suggestion I’d have, regarding the first version, is with the master’s decision to take the monkey back. There was really no clear incentive to forcefully take him back. From this, I see two immediate solutions.

  1. The monkey ends up doing exceptionally well on his own, and the master sees that throwing him out was a mistake. He gets jealous, tries to take him back, but the monkey refuses.

  2. The master’s losing his appeal and the crowds are no longer showing up for him. He realizes that the monkey was helping him bring in the audience and decides to take him.

I understand option 2 might be harder to fit into a 1 - 2 minute animation. But who knows :slight_smile:

Hope this is helpful.

  • Joe
#239

Hi,

I’m developing a sitcom concept and I would like your opinions.

It’s about a people in a tenement building with a park in front of it where they can all meet.
Lead character is a guy who is into comics, SF, UFO, paranormal things, and sees these things all around him. Remember that he lives in an ordinary city, so nothing extraordinary happens.

He lives with his mother, his around 30 and with a friend who just came by one day and stayed there in his flat. This guy is a sarcastic and easy-going guy.

Now every episode is formed from two subplots:

  1. love triange: our lead has a crush with a girl that has a crush with a hunk with a hart of gold, but a bit simple mind. This guy is insecure and trusts the lead to advise him in the matters of love. Needles to say that our lead trys to win the lady and stop these two from hooking up

  2. evil man that hates our lead trys to put him down and makes fun of him. This is done by staging “paranoram” things just to see him trying to solve them. Our lead’s cynical friend allways makes these plans fail so that lead thinks that he solved the case while evil man is humiliated

My concern is that this way, cynical friend comes as a hero of the show, with our lead totaly in the clouds and a bit nasty to the romantic couple. Still I want audience to be able to sympathise with the lead

Any suggestions are welcome…

#240

Hi rooster75,

hmm…I understand your concern but getting sympathy
from your audience will really depend on how the events in
the story are “presented” to them and a little less on what
is actually being told.

I guess I would need to know a bit more on the background
and personalities of your characters in order to be more productive
in my feedback, so let me ask you why do YOU like your character?

Your reasons maybe the same ones that you would want to convey
to your audience. After we define that, then we can come up with
interesting ways of modeling these characters, their actions, and the
story’s angle to get the result you want.

ThinkStory