Heres the prologue and first chapter. they are un-revised, so expect massive changes. it isnt converted to a screenplay yet either, but c&c is welcome.
"Screams: Not the loud sheiking you would expect from a traitor…
Cowards, only fearless in the eyes of their blasphamous demonic false gods.
Curse them. Praise he who survived, who survives to guide men and strike down the terrible foe…"
Benson slowly disengaged his tactical display.
Cries dimmed the gunfire, but only for an instant. The night sky was pitch black, save the tracers and shallow whines of Imperial Bombardment kilometers away.
Earlier that year, Cultists had sieged an imperial Palace; it wasn’t exactly uncommon.
(Flashback of daemons eyes)
Benson spit. Nothing to see here. He looked to the shattered hive skyline that surrounded him. There we’re no traitors in this area. They were slaughtered; or they tried to flee, then got slaughtered. Either way, they burned in hell.
Benson could see pairs of dark blue eyes scattered across the ruins.
(Lightning cracks directly about the city, shacking rubble and dust to the ground)
(Flash Templar Cross on shoulderpad)
Benson pulled a silver chain out of his armour. It glared in the dusty moonlight, tarnished with dirt and blood.
(Flashes of court rooms and skulls: Crusifixions and fire. The Infamous symbol of witch hunters)
Benson finished checking his gear.
Templars where known for being bloody, second only to the Blood Angels.
Overzealous killing machines. No questions: Alive, Dead, or Guilty. It was black and white, just like their armour.
Benson loaded his weapon and began down the alley, followed by others.
Neophyte Jaques waited. Slight morning breeze, no gunfire…
He checked his right and left sides. Thomas and Garcia were both wide awake; Unnaturally aware even.
It was just before dawn, the scouts eyes were lit up like christmas lights. It burned; the light refraction from the sniper rifles. They weren’t standard issue for the Templar’s, but its hard to hit anything after 300 yards with a pistol.
Jaques prefered a shotgun. A chainsword was better, but the tech marines couldn’t pruduce the Imperial machine like they used to.
40 levels up. Jaques didn’t do the math. His eyes smoothly rolling from alley to alley, checking choke points and windows.
Just over a year ago, heretics had seiged an Imperial Palace. The odd thing was this time they actually took it.
All the scouts could see were shadows from within the palace, never for more than a instant: Anyone caught in the windows was asking for the Emperors Justice.
A low roaring in the distance approched from the distance…
“Here it Comes…”
Indicators flashed on the indicator. Vox chattered then quit as soon as it began.
“Gentlemen, I believe it’s time we disappear.”
Jaques spoke softly as he shrunk into the sublevels.
“We’re gone.” whinned the comm. Everyone was out. 20 seconds. Not bad.
“Drop pods or bombs sarge?” Garcia chuckled…
Jacques listen intently… they were small and fast.
“It’s not the I.N…” He continued…
Dismay crept onto each of the scouts faces.
“Where the hell did THEY come from?” piped Thomas loudly.
Jacques strived to catch the rant on his comm.
“Sounds like they had an outbreak of suicide traitors.”
Traitors: Cultists, lead by the vile false gods. They didn’t fear death, they would run into the enemy by the masses, commiting themselves to death by challanging the Blessed Emperor, then destryoing themselves in a volley of grenades or bombs.
“Don’t those bastards fear death?”
“Not all of them… Some welcome it. Not all are happy about their position.”
“Who can blame them? I’d kill myself if I were a tra…” Garcia stopped.
Jaques pressed the bolter barrel into Garcia’s forhead.
“That…” He quivered…
“is heresy. Watch your tongue, neophyte. Careless words arn’t welcome. You’ll not be so lucky if it happens again. Pray no-one remembers this…” Jaques holstered the pistol.
“Less… You would enjoy a visit from the friendly Inquisition?”
“I didn’t think so.”