Short Film: Storyboard

#2

Could I suggest a less detrimental ending and somthing more … optional, as in a better chance to survive. Perhaps introduce a kind of fairy god mother character that might save the diver.

This way you can draw a good line betwen fantasy and reality. In reality the skydiver is dead (one possible ending). But in fantasy the fairy god mother will save him (the other possible end). The fade at the end will let the viewer make up in thier own mind on which they want - nothings better than inadvertant interactivity.

#3

Not sure I agree with you. Adding a fairy god mother doesn’t fit with the story as a whole I think. Perhaps I am wrong. And it seems to add a unnecessary complexity. For instance. Where did the fairy god mother come from? And why did she save his life?

And how did we know the skydiver died? Perhaps we could do a fade back in with the skydiver tangled in his chute on the ground with his hair sticking up and looking happy but not all there.

#4

Another alternate end would be to bypass the powerlines all together and have his chute get tangled in a tree and snap. The character falls and reaches out grasping. He grabs onto a branch and the branch bends with him. His feet touch the ground. He smiles and then the branch springs him into the air.

#5

…thus we see the parachutist now “falling up” instead of down, swallowing bugs and birdpoo for a second time.

#6

…thus we see the parachutist now “falling up” instead of down, swallowing bugs and birdpoo for a second time.

Nah. I think we’d have to end it there. :thumbsup:

I think the second ending is the best choice. I’ll edit it in and wait for further crits.

#7

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhDJP86RU-o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEVesqA_3Po

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiDycN9Z3Kg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7B41d1y9ek

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dsa1ltCH9FU

some reference for your guys.

#8

Thanks for the references. Not sure about the last one though, hehe.

#9

scene 3 is where it’s at, I think we need to get here then relax and let it just go off.:bounce:

Improvise/freeform/ whatever let everyone have a play and see what comes out,
some great ideas and some very weird things can happen here.
over planning/storyboarding could lose nice touchs, it is a group project etc.

Bugs up the nose, to flying pigs as his life flashs before his eyes. it’s a great idea.:thumbsup:

I think it will end itself we could have alot of idea from alot of animators
and CA skill level isn’t going to be an mahor issue with what is going on in the scenes,
with some editing it could make it all very cool. :applause:

#10

Agreed. But some organization is good. I agree improvising is also a good idea. Scene 3 definetly should be a place for just letting loose. But I do think we need a beginning and an end. As a path to know what we need to do.

#11

Yeah as long as we’re flexiable :smiley:

#12

I love the story you came up with. Here is an alternate suggestion for the ending, playing with the ending concept a little…

Scene 5
skydiver – now rescued by his back-up parachute – glides down, wobbling in the air.

He sees the ground right under him.

A big goofy grin.

Reaches a toe to touch the earth…

HOOOOONK!

… out of the nowhere a semi-truck barrels through.

Empty frame.

---- or an alternate —

He lands. Hears the truck and casually steps out of the way – while the truck is rattling by, the previously busted parachute pops loose, catching on the truck and dragging him away.

#13

Great alternate endings. The advantage of this not being a production project is that someone can grab the files and change the ending. So we can have alternate ending versions.

For now, lets stick with the current story setup. And just flesh it out. Lets hear some ideas of what can be tweaked with the current story.

Keep the posts coming.

#14

I think your story idea works beautifully.

It’s something I’d really love to be a part of.

I like it how it stands.

Here are a few suggestions I thought I’d bounce out there…

eliminate scene 1,
– scene 2 pretty much tells us all we need to know

and

eliminate scene 5,
– it is similar in to scene 3
– going immedately from scene 4 to scene 6 might increase the impact of that last scene (i.e. cutting from “crazy with glee” – to an opposite attitude while tangled up (dispondent? angry? terrified? fuming?))

#15

Scene 1 is the establishing shot. And explains how he got there. I understand what you are saying but I think its a crucial part.

Not sure how we can eliminate scene 5. I do think the “Scenes” themselves can be merged a bit and thats something I expect the storyboarders to do.

#16

ok i have started working with some thumbnails for the SB in HD aspect ratio so that we can have an easy transition for both TV or 16:9 …

i was thinking that it would be cool to have some “crazy” intervals during the film like…
at the moment of the jump we can pause for 30f and insert a cutout animation -Montypythons style- fo Isaac Newton and an apple- so that we can pause and accelerate the pace …

of course that would characterise the whole thing so i am not sure it would be good or bad…

anyway just an idea…

anyway this can be done as a post thing …and during the final editing so it is probably
premature…and immature…

aw…

J.

#17

I’d say funny. But bad. Stick with the storyboard. Like I said since this is a group thing. Members of the group can do whatever they want with the final files and make little spinoffs. In fact I think it should be encouraged. But for now lets stick with the plan and not go off track.

#18

yeah… it has nothing to do with the story anyway…

#19

Just got an update from bardakos. Most of the storyboard panels are done and should be posted here by tommorrow evening. We’ll spend some time looking them over and in a couple weeks create the first rough animatic.

#20

Well, with storyboards done and animatic planned I’m not sure I’m not too late to take you back to the story itself but here’s my two bits.

The key scenes are going to be the first one and the last one: the setup and the epilogue, these are the two scenes which are the story. The rest of the scenes are really the path that the character takes and it looks like it will be a winding, wild path full of gags. Still, I think to make the film something more than a series of gags, it wouldn’t take much work.

First, we (the audience) have to know why he got into the plane and decided to jump: was it just for a thrill, was he looking for more in life, did he just do it without much forethought? The first scene really suggests that he has done it before, he likes it enough to do again and is feeling pretty confident that he’s going to have another excellent experience. Maybe he is extremely experienced, the penultimate expert at skydiving or maybe just expert enough to feel cocky. Maybe he’s just had an unfortunate experience at work or home and this is his way to leave all his troubles behind even if it’s only for a few minutes. Either way, I suggest we introduce that he’s got something to prove to himself or someone else with this jump. This jump means something to him.

At the end, he has to be thinking about skydiving in a whole new light. The experience has to have changed his outlook in some reasonable but unexpected way. The cocky or expert skydiver will be reminded of their mortality, the cocky one being scared off skydiving forever but the expert being wiser but still determined to jump again. Maybe the character who wanted to leave all his troubles behind finds out that his troubles follow him, or that having triumphantly survived a disastrous fall intact has the fortitude to face his difficulties.

You want to suggest that there is more to this guy’s world than just this jump and you want to add some aspects to his character that the audience can identify and connect with. “There but for the grace of god, go I!” is what the audience should think.

Our character (our because we need to identify with him) can start off happy/sad, mad/ peaceful, confident/scared or any combination of those. Personally I think contradicting feelings makes it more interesting: happy and scared, confident but sad.

Then in the end the character can either be alive or dead, battered or whole, but with a transformation in his original feelings from the start of the movie: from mad to happy, from sad to mad, from scared to confident.

I personally prefer the battered but wiser kind of ending myself.

Along the way, the things the skydiver encounters change his moods, moving him through these various emotions–happy, scared, confident, sad, peaceful etc.–possibly each change being an extreme change rather than a gradual one: happy to mad, mad to peaceful, peaceful to scared, scared to happy…

Hope that helps, although perhaps is complicates what was mearly supposed to be a gag reel… :slight_smile:

Peter
.

#21

An excellent crit of the story. This is what I was waiting for!!

I agree on much of what you say. A few simple adjustments could be made to easily bring more depth to the short. For instance inserting a quick view of the tail of the plane. Which has a sign “Pro Skydivers Club” on it. Or the character’s shirt could have a pro skydivers club badge of some sort. And at the end the badge could have been torn off his shirt and will gently float down into his lap.

We are looking at the first storyboard draft and first animatic draft. I expect revisions to take place.