need help with concept story

#1

hey, I need some feedback and suggestion for my short animation please.I’m very new to this and I kind of stuck, need help so much. Here is my plot out line. I have two storys which are quite similar in character and set. Any idea please

[left]Here is my first plot[/left]
[left]- A clown’s sitting alone in the dark looking out through the window.[/left]
[left]- There is a shadow coming from the clown and form a body in front of him in the light area which come from the window.[/left]
[left]- he looking at his shadow emotionless. The shadow perform something to him.[/left]
[left]- The clown is controlling and playing with his shadow (puppet) by using his fingers[/left]
[left]- He’s going in to the light and let go of his shadow. The shadow fall down to the floor and go in to the clown.[/left]
[left]- He walk out of his tent to perform his next show[/left]
[left]- In the light, there is some rope around his join which it controls the clown movement[/left]
[left]- There is a person controlling the clown as well. He drop the clown after it’s finish the show. He walk out the door happyly. [/left]
[left] [/left]
[left]Second plot[/left]
[left]- The clown’s sitting in the dark, empty and sadly looking out of the window.[/left]
[left]- He’s thinking about the past, he lost someone. He looked at the images in the rain in front of the tomb.[/left]
[left]- He still look out through the window [/left]
[left]- Flash back, other people laught at him when he fell off the bicycle and perform because of his clumsyness but no one care how painfull it was.[/left]
[left]- something come out of his body and form a body in front of him.[/left]
[left]- A body how try to make him smile, make him happy again.[/left]
[left]- He place his hand on the body. He actually moves the body using his hand.[/left]
[left]- He throw the body to the floor.[/left]
[left]- He walk outside[/left]
[left]- A kid jump to him, hugging him and give him a gift.[/left]
[left]- Finally, he realise that he happy to see other happy. [/left]
[left] [/left]
[left] [/left]
[left]Thank you[/left]

#2

As I have no idea of your proficiency, I’m going to assume you have all the technical knowledge needed and there is just the question of coming up with a plot.

They’re both quite interesting ideas, and I like the theme of puppetry here in the first one. I’d say that will be your best bet.

A clown’s sitting alone in the dark looking out through the window. [left]- There is a shadow coming from the clown and form a body in front of him in the light area which come from the window.[/left]
[left]- he looking at his shadow emotionless. The shadow perform something to him.[/left]
[left]- The clown is controlling and playing with his shadow (puppet) by using his fingers[/left]
[left]- He’s going in to the light and let go of his shadow. The shadow fall down to the floor and go in to the clown.[/left]
[left]- He walk out of his tent to perform his next show[/left]
[left]- In the light, there is some rope around his join which it controls the clown movement[/left]
[left]- There is a person controlling the clown as well. He drop the clown after it’s finish the show. He walk out the door happyly. [/left]

Okay so first we have to identify the premise you’re exploring here. You should be able to summarise your entire idea in one sentence. So the premise here is something like:

“Everyone is a puppet of somebody.”

or something along those lines. Now, what struck me as a rather sad tale of manipulation and the pointlessness of existence (you have a sad clown therefore the piece must be nihilist). However at the very end you’ve got the “master puppeteer” character walk out “happily”. You’ve got to decide what kind of emotion you want to convey here right from the outset. The piece can be sad, hopeful, happy or frightening, it’s up to you.

Just remember if you’re making a short animation of maybe two to three minutes, there are a few golden rules.

[ul]
[li]Keep it simple stupid. Don’t try to tell an epic sweeping story of the clash of nations - keep your plot elements clear and concise.[/li][li]Keep it short. Your story should not span much more than the length of your film. A 2-3 minute film should have a 2-3 minute plot.[/li][li]A short film should have a maximum of three characters. This isn’t to say you can’t have more than 3 people in your film, but it does mean you only have a time to outline and create 3, 2 or 1 decent character(s).[/li][li]As your animating, right from the start come up with a story that suits your abilities. That isn’t to say don’t challenge yourself, just don’t try to aim higher than you can go.[/li][/ul]

#3

In about the third bullet-point (or so…) of your “plot,” you stopped describing what you show and started describing what you, the author, know.

You stopped describing what the clown was doing, and started telling me why (s)he was doing it.

"You know that, because you are The Storyteller. But I’m new here… I’m ‘The Audience.’ "

In fact, I know nothing about your story unless I observe it." (And you, as the Storyteller, are of-course the sole determinant of what I ‘observe…’)

Your plot, therefore, must contain nothing that relies upon “privileged knowledge.” He’s your clown, not mine. I have utterly no idea “why” he does what he does, and I do not care, unless you make me care. I only know what I see him do. And I’ll draw my own conclusions from that … not yours.

#4

thank you so much for ur feed back i’ll thing about it

#5

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