Hi guys,
First off Iād like to thank Matsman for PMing me. I have CGTalk set to to send me emails when there are replies to my subscribed threads. Somehow I didnāt see an email for this one. Also, I apologize for my rushed entry. Normally, I write something in one sitting and let it sit for a month before coming back to it to rework it. In this case, I saw this thread on May 27, the deadline was May 28, and I had a long shift at work coming up so I just went for it and posted what I had.
Thanks for your crits, they have been very helpful.
Allwritety - I love your descriptions. They are very detailed and I can picture the situation very well. Some of the dialogue sounds like Jones was going through a thesaurus though (wench, hussy, harlot, whore), and the transition from drama to comedy was a little weird . I think it would have worked better if there were more funny lines in the beginning to give it that comic feel throughout.
kadetkebab - Great descriptions, nice ending, and I liked the dialogue. The one part that seemed stilted to me was the part where the man cries and asks why God made him that way. That seemed a little too sudden for me, unless he is supposed to be like that, an unstable personality with wild behavior swings.
matsman - Again, great descriptions. I think my script was probably the most sparse when it came to descriptions. I found it interesting that the killer was the talker in your story. In my story, I had him more as the silent type. The part where he turned out to be an angel was cool in that it was unexpected, but somehow it didnāt mesh with the earlier talk about reincarnation with me, but maybe thatās just me. Also, I found it odd that he killed the hunters with his āpowersā, but he killed the girl with a gun.
Thanks guys, I think this is a great idea. You seem like a nice group, and I really enjoyed this contest. Sorry for the delayed participation on my part. I was sort of holding back to see how you guys were going to judge this, and then I moved on to some other things and forgot about this thread till I saw the PM.
Serum