Fantasy Short film, Final year uni project

#1

Hi, me and a friend are working towards making a final year project for University and have chosen to make a short Action / Fantasy film to complete our degree. Below is a synopsis and treatment sheet of our upcoming 3d animated film. Please feel free to critiscise, add or delete to the story as much as possible. any help will be muchly appreciated.



Concept Sentence:

The story is about a male character who is humanoid looking in appearance but is not quite human as such, as he has a power which enables him to be a far superior fighting warrior then actual humans. His home land is now being taken over by a new government/leader/conqueror, (regular humans) and has ordered the elimination of this certain race of people as they are seen as a threat towards the new leadership. We see this character witness the murder of his companion and avenges his death whilst waging a single man war against the force which is destroying his people and homeland.

Treatment/Synopsis:


Ray = Main Character
Carl = Main Characters companion

Ray and his companion have just learnt that a new world order/force is taking control of the region they are living in by force, they have decided to leave and seek a different place to live, Ray and his companion Carl have just entered an automobile and get ready to leave, Ray looks down to switch the radio on whilst Carl is about to turn the engine on, all of a sudden Carls head slams forward onto the steering wheel after being shot from afar by a sniper soldier. (hidden) Ray is in shock and has blood splattered across his face and glass from the bullet riddled window is still shattering around him
… he gets out and starts to make his way to a cathedral looking building in the distance
…

Cuts to Black

[center] [/center]
[center] [/center]
[size=3][color=white]Ray is sitting on a bench or chair within the Cathedral, as he was just remembering what just happened and knows the army will be after him now. He gets up and makes his way to the front door. He walks outside to discover a number of soldiers aiming their weapons at him
. They begin shooting at him and Ray starts to dodge the bullets at a fast speed and doing so is beginning to eliminate the soldiers by his sword and his hand gun, in a tense battle. (CUE battle scene/ explosions/ noticeable special powers of Ray etc)

Once the army has been eliminated he walks back into the cathedral

…

[center][/color][/size] [/center]
END

#2

Well, I think the story is not very original, so you’ll have to compensate with very original designs and style.
How are you gonna quickly tell the story about the change in government? maybe it’s not so important and an opening with the main characters fleeing is enough?
What’s with the cathedral? Why does the main character go back there?
You might want to figure some of this out.
How long is the animation supposed to be? Is there a topic it has to fit in or any guideline?

#3

the main probelm that u will have is that this sound just like a movie I seen on the sci fi channel. come to think of it it’s the exact same story of just about every video game. so If I where u I would go back and try to make it more realistic.

#4

Thanks guys you’ve given us alot to think about and we have modified our story for the better we will be posting up our latest draft asap.

#5

[color=white][color=white]Please give as much comments and criticism as possible, it will be much appreciated.[/color][/color]

[color=white]We are making a Fantasy/action film based around a lost magical artifact which was broken in two peices a long time ago. One part of this artifact is held by our main character who is protecting it from being put back together, and the other is held by an evil warlord hunting the other lost piece in order to obtain its full power. [/color]

Our film opens on the narrator explaining the history of the relic and about the power it once held.

Opening shot - Our film opens in a cathedral type building where our character is based, he is resting in his quarters where we see his peice of the relic.

Camera zooms into the relic and zooms out as a transition shot to establish the warlords relic which he s holding.

We now see the warlord with his army looking down from a hill to the cathededral. They begin to advance.

A soldier blows on a war horn, a soldier walks past the screen for us to allow a transition into our next shot, which then has the camera going past a column within the cathedral. (black wipe)

Main character walks towards the main exit, through the aisle of the cathedral.

Shot outside cathedral - begins to rain

Main character is now established outside where we see him fully to face the army. Which has now stopped in front of him.

Warlord pushes through front line of the army to be infront

Soldiers take aim with their guns/rifles at our main character

Main character gets into strategic pose and partially unsheaves his blade, makng ready.

Shot now looks at a medium shot of a cluster of soldiers, one is taking aim nervously and accidently takes a shot.

Main character gets grazed, no more than a cut.

Warlord looks at disobedient soldier and shoots him dead.

Main character shrugs of wound and gets back into stance.

Warlord charges for the main character, choreographed fight scene.

Main character defeats warlord and we see him look at his half of the relic which is now fallen with the warlord.

Army begins firing at the main character in rage.

Main character runs towards army, taking out the soldiers/ eliminating them.

Quick cut scenes, Camera pans up and fades to white

Main character is standing on the battle ground (which was infront of the cathedral) bodies of the fallen soldiers around him. Main character throws his sword on the ground, and we see him looking at the completed relic.

[center]Credits[/center]

#6

HELIOS

We are making a Fantasy/action film set in a time of Darkness where sunlight seizes to exist on the world, due to an ancient Crest of the sun being captured by an evil warlord, intent on starving the world of sunlight

.as we later find, it’s the sunlight that is the warlords mortal weakness.

Our film opens on the narrator explaining the history of the Crest and its fate which ensued, covering the earth in darkness.

“ a long time ago, in the days of night and day, existed an ancient relic of power, it allowed sunlight to shine on the earth and breathe the light of life onto it. It was said that the sun god Helios brought the relic down from the heavens and was given to mankind for earth to prosper. Now after many wars and many years, an evil warlord who fights in the shadows has captured the Crest and has now plunged the world in to darkness
…”

Opening shot - Our film opens in a cathedral type building; our main character breaks in to the huge building by entering through the front doors.

He is walking down the cathedral, down the main aisle cutting across huge volumetric lights coming through the windows from the moonlight.

He sees the crest at the far end of the cathedral and notices its encrusted within a holder.

He takes the crest from the holder which is quite evil looking in appearance.

Noise from the cathedral bell signals the relic has been taken.

He runs out down the cathedral with the crest shining and lighting his path.

Character is established outside.

We now see the warlord with his army looking down from a hill to the cathedral. They are very dark looking, expressionless and thin in appearance. They begin to advance.

Warlord pushes through front line of the army to be at the front and to see our main character first hand for himself. He will look aesthetically the same as the regular soldiers, apart from being a little bigger and a slight different type of body armour will be worn.

Soldiers take aim with their guns/rifles at our main character

Main character gets into strategic pose and partially unsheaves his blade, makng ready.

Shot now looks at a medium shot of a cluster of soldiers, one is taking aim nervously and accidently takes a shot.

Main character gets grazed, no more than a cut.

Warlord looks at disobedient soldier and shoots him dead. Returns back to looking at our main character

Main character shrugs off wound and gets back into stance.

Warlord charges for the main character, choreographed fight scene.

Main character defeats warlord, warlord falls to the ground.

We now see a shot of the cathedral, and we now hear the same bell noise from before.

Army begins firing at the main character in rage.

Main character runs towards army, taking out some of the soldiers/ eliminating them.

Quick cut scenes, like out of Molock

Camera is now looking up at the sky, clouds break and sunlight streams onto the battlefield and cathedral also onto the rest of the soldiers who now turn into stone.

Main character turns to one of the soldiers who is now been made into stone, takes his gun from his clasp and shoots him with it – soldier shatters into many pieces and falls on the ground. We now see tree’s / roots/ vegetation sprout up from the floor from the broken pieces of that one soldier.

Credits

#7

The most-succinct bit of advice that I could give you now … and please, “think about it” … is this: "show, don’t tell."

Look at your “back-story,” as you have presented that story to us here. What I want you to do now is to take a big fat red Magic-Marker and utterly wipe-out every single thing that you cannot show.

:rolleyes: What you will immediately notice, unfortunately, is that nearly all of your character’s motivations are merely "known to the deus ex machina," that is to say, “the omniscient (screen-)writer.”

“When I, the Gentle Reader,” stumble-upon your (screen-)play, all that I have to work with is what you manage to show me during the opening few seconds of your film.

I am certainly willing to “suspend my disbelief” … in fact, that’s what I paid ten bucks for … “a ticket and some popcorn.” I want to become engaged in your story (until I become much more engaged in “necking with my girlfriend on a hot summer afternoon…” :wavey: ). But… all I have to work with, is whatever you allow me to s-e-e.

Remember that.

If you cannot figure out a way to s-h-o-w m-e t-h-a-t, say, “this is Zarog and his girlfriend just toasted by the Balrogs and he’s Really Pissed and that’s why he’s doing what he’s doing…” then unfortunately I have no idea why he is doing what he is doing. Unfortunately for you, my girlfriend is now beginning to pay attention to the screen (because she’s confused, too…), and, well, “I only have so much popcorn.”

What that basically means to you, Mister Screenwriter, is that you’re just going to have to figure out some other pseudo-plausible reason why your “figment of your CG imagination” just happens to be firing particle-systems at that isosphere.

#8

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