Hi all, this is a pose test for the short I’m working on. I’d love to hear what people have to say about the story and pacing, and what would improve it!?
It’s small, but there’s a frame counter in the bottom left corner for reference.
animation WIP
IRONIC3D
#2
Hey man 
nice the story is nice, I like it and it’s funny. the part where she is threatning him with her hand gesture, it’s a bit too long and I didn’t quiet get it, maybe it’s better to have her kick it when she is marching towards it’s with fury, or trying to kick it but it runs, then she does the gesture. The rest from that point is simply nice
As for the spacing, well it seems holding up. the first few jumps are a bit slow for the distance it’s jumping. and the last kick is long! are you planning to have it play in slow speed? Actually the whole sequence since picking it up, kissing it then kicking it is slow.
Anyway nice job, can’t wait to see how it’s going to look once you start adding those inbetweens nice job
Cheers
I3D
isobarxx
#3
Hey thanks. What’s happening there is she gets pissed, storms over, and holds up her finger like “Wait just one bleeding minute. Look here, ball.” And rubs her fingers together to make the money gesture, saying that he needs $ to get with her. When she sticks out her finger, her gesture is so forceful that he gets physically socked back. Or at least that’s what it’s supposed to be. That part, and then when she holds up her hands when he comes with the Ferrari, to say “you must be this long to ride”, I’m a little worried those gestures won’t read, as you say. Aside from really emphasizing the motion I’m not real sure how to better show those emotions without dialog.
The kick is slow motion =) I want to really draw out his moment of betrayal. I hope it’ll give me some nice contrast to the snappy motion of her stomping the flowers. Good point about the opening hops.
TylerZambori
#4
Hey,
Yeah, it is really jerky. When the blob comes back in a car, it seems like it appears out of nowhere. Just as a viewer, I want to see it roll smoothly uyp to the curb. I want to see the epxression on her face as it arrives.
I might be able to help a little in terms of editing advice. But first, a little art direction.
I totally didn’t get her hand gestures, especially the $ sign. I didn’t get that she’s a prostitute. First I would say, if she’s a prostitute, get rid of the hat, pull the zipper down a lot to show some cleavage, make it a sleeveless shirt, and get rid of those red tennis shoes. Give her some high heels or something instead. With that outift, I thought she’d been jogging or something, and now she was just waiting for the bus.
Next, use more close-ups and mid shots, not just one long shot throughout. Watch some films with an eye towards film editing. You’ll notice that they only use long shots ocassionally, to give you an idea of who is placed where, and what the environment is.
Show close ups of her face and hand when you want to emphasize her expressions with those. When the blob comes back in a car, show the scene from her point of view, then
the blob’s point of view. Stuff like that. Hope that helps a little.
TylerZambori
#5
PS: These are just generalized recommendtions. I don’t mean to be snarky or anything; I just meant maybe she needs an outfit that’s a little more inviting.
IRONIC3D
#6
actually I liked the outfit and I think it goes well with a person waiting for a bus. She’s a prostitute?! who said that? anyway that’s my suggestion, the way I see it the clothing fits the attitude, although the $ gesture is not well placed. and you have to admit that not a normal behaviour from a girl standing by waiting for a bus and a ball get a crush on her all of a sudden. if you want you can change that gesture into something else like swearing or something, while the ball is trying to make a hit on her…! up to you
As for the one camera shot, I tend to disagree in this case. I’ve seen many short films done this way, it’s not unusual to have such camera all the way along the movie, each year in Annecy there are a dozen movies don’t out of the norm and they are nice. the point is to tell a story, enjecting cuts and angles just to follow the rules might not always serve the idea best. The way the short is put right now, it’s like watching a play, and the stage is not that big, and it allows the viewer to focus more on the story than on the technique! That’s how I see it.
Anyway, show us more isobar
regards
I3D
Wegg
#7
I think the idea is really cute. I was just confused by a lot of the gestures. I guess I can’t really see what would provoke a woman standing by a buss stop to be so aggressive. It also seemed a little long. I’d love to see the whole thing only last 30 seconds. Concentrated fun.
TylerZambori
#8
Well, he said: “And rubs her fingers together to make the money gesture, saying that he needs $ to get with her.” That means she is for sale, and is looking for some business.
So if she is a prostitute, then it is a normal behavior, since then she’s not just waiting
at a bus stop. But yes it could also work if she was just waiting at the bus stop, and
the blob was just trying to hit on her.
As for the one camera shot, I tend to disagree in this case. I’ve seen many short films done this way, it’s not unusual to have such camera all the way along the movie, each year in Annecy there are a dozen movies don’t out of the norm and they are nice. the point is to tell a story, enjecting cuts and angles just to follow the rules might not always serve the idea best. The way the short is put right now, it’s like watching a play, and the stage is not that big, and it allows the viewer to focus more on the story than on the technique! That’s how I see it.
Editing helps to tell the story, points the way to what you want the audience to focus on.
It’s not just about following rules. In fact, you have to have a sense of good storytelling to be able to edit well. My point was that more closeups and mid-shots would let us
see facial expressions and etc., a little better, and that would help the story come across
better.
isobarxx
#10
I guess we know different kinds of women 
I won’t mention her country of origin, but where I live they’re widely regarded as being very beautiful, and very angry =)
What I’m hearing is it runs long, and her (re)actions need to be clearer.
Around what frame do you start to get bored? Or what part is boring?
It seems like the part from about frame marker 60-128 (bottom left corner) is ambiguous? She goes through a lot of emotional changes from 56-101, from bemusement to fear, appraisal, rejection, and irritation–and that’s clearly not working.
I’d like to respond to you guys’ other questions too;
Not a prostitute, but a gold digger. The funny part is, when I would pitch it to the Tiffany’s girls at work, they would think the girl is a huge b****. --Even though that’s how they act! =)
If i like the way it turns out enough I might do a version where I move around to get good camera angles, but I like presenting it like a play. Doing it that way saves me a lot of work building props, etc. too =)
I left out some things, like the up bounces from 158-160, and extra frames in the cars’ movement, because I didn’t think they’re necessary to tell the story. That’s also why I’m asking now: I’m still at the point where it’s easy to rip out sections and redo them.
I might open by having a bus with a Tiffany’s ad on the side drive by, and she goes all slack jawed looking at it. Or… something. But I also don’t want to make her too much of a joke. I think I’ll try empasizing the zing! feeling when he first notices her.
Everyone who’s seen it so far feels sorry for the ball. I want people to think about who’s really the jerk in the short. From her perspective, she’s reacting perfectly reasonably. She’s pretty patient IMO, considering she’s got a ball of goo bouncing up and rubbing on her leg =) Yeah she’s a b****, but he really does have nothing to offer too. That’s pretty much what the short’s about: He tries everything he can think of, and when that doesn’t work he spontaneously sprouts a bouquet. …but he just doesn’t get that she’s not interested. And then she breaks his itty bitty goo heart.
…maybe that’s too much to say in 2 minutes? =)
numberEleven
#11
It looks like your well on your way to creating something. I personally like how you stick with one camera perspective.
Something Ive read before, and makes sense to me know, went something like this “before you begin an animation, figure out what the INTENT is.”
That makes a lot of sense to me now, and has stumped me from creating a lot of the things I would like to make.
If you are trying to improve this, I think you will be even more successfull if you include some kind of dialogue cues or audio to accompany the poses and help describe what the story is about.
I didn’t read the character as a prostitute. Dialogue cues would help a lot in understanding what your saying the ball is doing, what the girl is doing, and how to better analyze where the animation poses fall short or need work. I wouldnt involve the truck, the simple settings and props would be sufficent for the story you are writing. If you do include the truck, you might want to figure out the INTENT of its introduction in the story, or include lots and lots of other stage elements so that one highly detailed object doesnt look out of place or haphazardly handled.
Im watching this on a computer without speakers so you will have to excuse me if audio is present. I like the model of the girl!
dobermunk
#12
Wish I had more time…
What I feel the animation would benefit most from is a clarification of the transitional moments. For example - the blob bounces in…
Right now it feels hurried: the blob enters and its actions overlap withth egirl’s reactions. So the eye is in a sort of tug-of-war, not really knowing where to be. The composition and editing make this more obvious.
Whether via cuts or animation - try making the action read more as a chain of perceptions, with the characters handing off the lead, so to speak, and getting it back. Action / reaction. If I lay it out:
- girl waiting for bus
- blob appears
- girl looks curiously
- blob approaches, hits on her.
Each of those actions should take command of the stage, only overlapping to hand off.
And to get the annoyed reaction when the thing hits on her (a truly unexpected moment) start off with an opposite reaction: she finds it cute / appealing. (I think that’s already the case, but its so hurried that I’m not sure if its not just curiosity).
Then it might be:
- girl waits for bus
- blob appears
- girl looks curiously
- blob pauses (waiting for bus?)
- girl smiles (thinks its cute)
- blob approaches closer
- girl crouches (movement pro)
- blob approaches again - too close (alterior motives) - hits on her.
If each beat sits, then you’ve got much stronger character establishment and the following back-n-forth will be much more entertaining…
Hope this helps.
isobarxx
#13
Hey thanks dobermunk. That was very helpful! I’m going to do SFX of cars driving by left-right and right-left. That might be fun to time the ambient car noise to the major back-and-forths between the characters too.
This thread has been automatically closed as it remained inactive for 12 months. If you wish to continue the discussion, please create a new thread in the appropriate forum.