Android Blues - character


#21

Thanks guys. jrcsurvey, I think you’re right, there’s something not resolved about this image. I don’t think it’s because it’s rendered too ‘pretty’, after all lots of Manga and anime and colorful graphic novels manage to be poignant. Maybe it’s that we don’t see her face, and so the whole thing becomes ambiguous. Not sure what to do about that, except scrap the whole approach and try something different.

Anyway, here’s one with stomach folds tweaked, hand narrowed, shadow by heel darkened, and text added. I guess the text competes with the subject, but I’d like to use it as a cover or poster for my screenplay, so it needs some kind of heading…


#22

I’m not sure about the title. You’re right, it is really fighting with the image. I’m also not sure whether it’s clear enough to read, I think the motion blur is too strong.

Does the motion blur sit on top or behind the text? Maybe put it behind and lower the opacity a bit. And since it’s for a poster maybe darken the background behind the text, so it stands out more.


#23

Yeah bin the title, it just runins the image, don’t give it a title let it speak for itselve, just put a name at the bottom or something.

What you could do is give it some more highlights in her hair.
I see the lightsource is comming from the richt side (left for the girl) but the ground tells me it’s comming from the front side.
So maybe you could make it really come from the right side through a window, and put the highlights she has on her leg also on her hair.

peace
Galo


#24

too much blur, oversaturated and and adds too much weight on the top…


#25

i don’t not like the title…but think it could do with its own black space above the image…possibly an extra 3rd black space above…but its all good…glad you looked at the stomach area.


#26

Yes, you took the meaning of my critique exactly. There is no way to resolve what I am getting at with a few tweaks of this image, it is embedded in the vision you began with and the technical strengths you have developed and work within. The critique is not aimed at improving this image, but your next.

As you point to, the whole artistic approach you take leads us to want to see that face, and that is denied. But does that denial result in the expressive effect intended? Little or nothing else is denied the viewer. She is there for us. Her body and pose are there for us. Her rich young flesh is there for us. Nothing of the environment hides or detracts. There are some deep shadows but they deny us nothing of interest. In fact the spotlighting effect only shows off the figure more. The empty setting sets up its tactile presence. The harsh, crumbling texture of the pavement is a foil to the smooth, innocent beauty of her skin.

The denial of the face leaves the pose and the scraggled hair to communicate her inner state. Presumably this is an intentional device, calculated to induce empathy. The question is, does it,… or is it merely an annoyance relative to the fleshly invitation of her open thighs? There is a good deal of voyeurism here.

I don’t mean to invalidate the latent eroticism of the image. There is nothing wrong with that. It is suffuse in the entire genre and at the very root of its appeal. But perhaps the picture needs more of a ranking of emotive devices, some need to be subordinate to others.

Obviously I am discussing creative options available to someone that is capable of an advanced level of technical control. And I am discussing them merely as someone who is a livelong student of art, but who has no personal stature in the artworld at all.

I kind of liked my “doll in the trash” idea in my previous post btw. It suggests to me that you were caught deciding between two opposite appoaches to your theme(s): the theme of the embodied sentience of a robot, the theme of the superficial component of desire, the theme of the harsh persecutioin of those who are different, , theme of rhe romantic appeal of alienation especially if it is not your fault,… And it makes for interesting conversation. My thought was that your approach here is to give us the fleshy girl and let us discover her mechanized artificiality. The opposite approach would be to begin with the artificiality and have it begin to hint at the transcendent possiblilities. In a way it echoes my other question: do you seek out what is emotive in an image, or let it come to you?

-Jim


#27

hey Stahlberg, nice work here, it’s nice to see you tweak the image to make the feeling it breathes more pure. The image makes me feel helpless, like I am watching the robotgirl and not beïng able to help her.

Anyways, what I really wanted to tell you was a maybe solution for the title, what about just writing the title on the wall, like airbrushed, or written with crayons, that way it won’t fight with the overal feeling and atmosphere of the image - like the one now.
Oh well, just my thoughts on it :slight_smile:


#28

A very strong image. I think the stomach folds need more work, and the hand/arm still seems a bit big for her compared to her torso. The title reminds me of the Alien movie.


#29

Another update:


#30

i like it :), is that a black tear drop on her face? is that a tear on the ground?

now i have the feeling that her left leg is too big, might be the perspective tho…

it does make one feel the blue this poor “girl” is going trhu, i feel like she has just been “violated”


#31

much improved…like the title idea…very nice.
and like being able to see a little more face…and is that a tear drop on the floor?
anyway like the improvements.


#32

Hey

What a powerful image!

Eman


#33

I like it very much, obviously much more talent than that of mine, however when i look at it, it gives me this very strange feeling like, shes sitting on a wall and her back is against the roof. I dout anyone else gets this but, i also seem to feel it most when i look at the floor near her right leg, its very strange to say the least. Although i love the image very much.


#34

Helplesness, abandonment, fragility.


#35

Now don’t I feel like a dick posting story critique in the other forum. Alright, a few thoughts, the pose doesn’t feel childlike, generally I think of a child as curling up more if hurt and scared. Despite more recent additions the arm still feels disconnected voluntarily, a dangling component might help that feel a bit more like it was forcibly removed. I think a lighting pass will really help it out. I think a tighter association between her hand and the tool would benefit the image, I’d go with an open hand with the tool still supported by the hand or entwined with the fingers.

The chalk writing kind of feels like it is part of the image, like some declaration scrawled there relating to the image itself, anyway great work.


#36

It is very powerful. Come a long way since the initial post.
One thing though: the last three letters seem awfully visible considering how dark that shadow on the wall is. If you can’t get away with darkening them any you could try putting the words one on top of the other, as long as the character didn’t obscure them too much.
That’s very minor though. Otherwise it is great. It definitely evokes a strong feeling of despair.

/slash


#37

generally I think of a child as curling up more if hurt and scared

That gives me an idea, damn I only wish I had time to do it, well maybe later…
Thanks, every comment is appreciated, considered, and helpful.


#38

Looks nice, Steve. But I don’t get the despair from this image that you’re trying to convey. Sure, she looks sad. Definitely, she is having a problem because of her arm, but she still has another one, and to use a screwdriver only requires the use of one hand. IMHO, the despair would really come across should both of her arms be lying in front of her along with the screw driver.

Kinda like in The Matrix when Agent Smith asked Neo “What good is a phone call if you are unable to speak?” You know?.. That sort of image.


#39

love the image…although cant say anythin the others havent already said…can feel the despair…the emotion is like…“i’m done runnin and fightin to live…i dont wanna struggle like this anymore…i want this to end…”…so there is no will to get up and help herself even if it is physically possible…excellent work…although i must say i liked the image where the face wasnt seen…leaves more room for the viewer to feel her emotion that way…when a person is depressed the first thing they do is turn their face away from u…and i like the chalk writing on the wall…waitin to see what more changes u make on this until u settle for a final:)


#40

generally I think of a child as curling up more if hurt and scared

Quite true, but not what i interpret from the image.

Its late, and she is mentaly and physicly drained. The terror is over, but the aftermath has induced a mental deadness, somewhat of a coma/vegi state of a careless reality. She has been staring at the ground for hours, gandering thoughts.