|11 November 2008|
I'll take a crack at critiquing this - I give an overview and then go shot by shot..
First off, the close up shots are not really working (unless this is more of a pre-vis layout -) It is a visual language thing - we're not any closer to the characters emotionally and there is no contrast between the figures (apart from different swords). I think that you are going for tension and contrast, but you need just that.. slow and close then wide and fast. With the bipeds, it doesn't come across. Moving on...
The close up of the kicks/contact is killing any action that is successful in the fight... if you want the audience to know he got kicked, show it in how the character reacts physically.
Watch some great fights! Go watch "Hellboy 2", "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon", Kill Bill, Gladiator, and Equilibrium. Play some Soul Caliber - bring some reference to your work.
Shot 1 - push your posing - get your green guy in a lower stance perhaps (high & heavy sword) and pose the red guy. Try working out your composition with basic shapes or brush strokes - play around and get it right on the page and you will have a better staged fight on screen.
Shot 2 - 4 - reconsider the shots - one you have stronger posing for the initial shot, these might work.
5 - I like how you're cutting on the action - good work -
6 - He jumps and spins (a little floaty.. let him come down and take the weight.. get low) and he really slows down before swinging.. Red can see the swing coming a mile away and ducks well before Green swings.. This kills the action. Have his jump spin mean something - from the spin maybe have him come up from a lower stance swinging high and have red just barely duck the sword. You will get some nice contrast in the action and keep it "action!".
Onto the bind.. Red recovers not with a counter attack, but instead holding his sword straight down for some reason and Green decides to swing at the sword. 14 seconds in, pause your video and look at their bodies.. Vertical.. The arms look disjointed (what is up with Green's right arm?).. A weak push and green is off
7 -(get rid of the close up of the kick)
8 -I like the roll - accelerate him a bit in the end and it will look even nicer.
9 - no idea what red is doing here.
10 - is green trying to cut off Red's ankles? Perhaps he should slash, Red parry, and then green delivers his kick (although.. for a big sword fight, it would be nice if it was the sword that finished the combatant off)
11 - BREAK! - You've flipped the camera.. thoughout the whole short, green has been left and red on the right.. now they're flipped. It disconnects the viewer.. film has a visual language (which can and does get broken all the time) but there should be a good reason for completely flipping your camera 180. You can put a shot in between that moves 90 and then go to 180..
On the fall - he is showing good weight (thats great!), but perhaps a bit too much.. it looks like a fall in fast forward - try adjusting the timing.
This is a really big endevour - 28 seconds is a huge chunk of animation. Bring some of it back to the staging and I think it will come out better on the whole.
|11 November 2008|
Frogman, Thanks alot for your comments, I appreciate the overall and the detailed comments, I couldn't have asked for better ^^
I'm gonna start to adjust those bipeds the way you suggested. First off, I'll get rid of those 2 slow close-ups as I see theyre really not accomplishing their purpose.
Shot 1 - Those poses were taken from FEARLESS when jet li fights the master from the other clan inside the restaurant, but if they're not meaningful, then i'll be drawing some more
Shot2-4 - After ive changed the initial poses, ill see how they look, if im not pleased theyll be changed as well.
5 - Thanks
6- I think this whole scene needs a revamp... I'll add the weight and adjust the timing, but I think i need to change the "sword clash" into something more actiony.
8- thank you, ill adjust the timing
9- I just wanted to show that he set his sword into a "poke" position, I guess it didnt work out... ill rework that
10- Those bipeds were both aiming at each others feet/ankles, you lose your footing and you lose the fight... also i was trying to avoid adding gore so i wouldnt harm my bips, but i guess it can't be helped... maybe add some toes and fingers flying :P
11- I thought my slow-motion close-up kick was the "breaker" of the sides, but since thats now gone, ill rework my way around to get the camera to its final position. I wanted to avoid having green turning his back to us in the last shot. And ill adjust the timing of the fall of course.
Thank you alot sir! This means alot to me!
Hopefully you will see my work once it's completed
Have a nice day
|11 November 2008|
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