Which pathway to follow

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  05 May 2013
Post Which pathway to follow

I'm new here so im gonna concentrate on asking my question and avoid becoming too boring at any time...

I'm from Jordan, that is an Arabic country from the middle east area.
I'm 28 years old, I finished school studying the British GCSE program, and i graduated with what is equal to 86/100, that's like 1A, some B's and then C's and an F in French!... i have a BSc in architecture achieved in a university in my home country, but with a GPA of 2.47/4.0... that's kinda below average, I don't think i'm stupid, i think i just didn't want to achieve high marks, and i also believe i left a good mark in the design course all through the five years of study... And by the way, i wanted to study film not architecture, but at my time there were no film schools in our country.
while studying i was asked to participate in a short film festival in Italy, and i did, it was like achieving the dream, since in my country, almost no one else I've ever met had made an animation film and participated in a festival in Europe before. I've been to Europe many times since childhood, my mother wanted to make sure i see and learn about the people behind the creation of all the things we here only know how to consume, Art, inventions, romance, philosophy, Jeans, Coke and Italian food. I even got the chance to play the piano in front of doctors in a medical conference in Finland when i was just twelve. But Europe has became a whole different reality, because in here it is a different reality, or maybe the same reality but we're simply way behind, and i don't think i ever evolved or became mature enough for my current age as an artist or even a person partially because of that reality we here live in...

After college i worked in Amman, the capital city of Jordan for a while, and i then successfully received a job offer from Dubai, with the craziest and highest salary i could have ever thought of, so i went there, i was shocked, my job was bad (no creativity at all, almost no real life), the environment was bad, i was unhappy although somehow i managed to get ahead of all my colleagues and get good promotions every year, i managed to become certified in green building design consultancy, and it was hard work along with working on site as a construction engineer, and i also managed to get funds from local governmental authorities to create short films and i ended up doing some acting for student graduation projects at schools there, and then finally performing as a stand up comedian, and people their laughed at what i did on stage, and just before i left Dubai after staying there for five years, i performed on the most luxurious stages in Dubai, and i again felt like there is a dream ahead that right now i'm feeling like i might actually make it, and what do i mean by making it? i don't know, i'm confused about it... and what is that dream that i see ahead, i don't know really, i just know it's there, it's a dream, inherited in the existence of this dream that I, zaid will want to achieve it... maybe... but let me get to the point before i become too boring;
In my last year in Dubai, i decided to find a better architectural company and a better environment to work in, but couldn't coz my college marks were bad and i never gave interest to building any portfolio, i remember, that for so many times, i left the class, after jury time, leaving behind my project drawings and the model, i only loved the conceptual phase of any architectural project, and as long as the design course was going, i would be still developing my concept, and accidentally yet so gradually building actual construction lines, only when its then time to submit the whole project, so im always late, but i was always did well, extremely well, some external jurors would say weird things, things that would make me feel again like i'm on to a dream or a reality to achieve, but i never got good marks coz teachers had different marking methods and factors to be considered when marking the projects, i received this answer from my teachers when i asked why do i never get really high marks!
Anyways, seeing that i couldn't go work somewhere better than a construction site in the middle of the desert, with people whom had no interest in art at all! zero! actually one, coz commercial art was good enough to entertain them when everything else they do only bores them!
Seeing that, i decided i wanted to study again, but this time i wanted to attend a proper school, one that can lead me to work for a company of my choice, and my taste, and i wanna work hard to deserve it.. and this time i'm going back to film, and what is it that i want to do when i'm learn making films? I think i just wanna create visually beautiful and experience full stories.. I can draw, and i do have my own style in drawing, which i created by running away from learning how to over come obstacles like drawing a perfect hand and any other real life objects... i don't know why i did that...
When i was first introduced to the computer, that was like 15 to 16 years ago, i began drawing on PAINT and then sometime later on i started drawing on corel draw, i loved the digital drawing thing, and i even started creating digital music.... but i never really became a professional in anything... except construction work! :(((( now i wanna combine architecture, that is environment design in a way, and the understanding of space, along with my passion towards making film, and my skills to draw, and the fact that i enjoy acting, grabbing full attention of the audience, and then making them laugh, all this... I thought then i want to study animation, not a one year course, that's not enough, i wanna go gradually from zero till becoming a developed professional, i want that, but i can't get.. all doors are closed and this is why i'm writing this long thing that i'm beginning to wonder if anyone will reach till here reading it... but i'll go back to writing anyways, all doors are closed... i understand only Arabic and English and some french but can't speak it, this eliminates many good schools in Europe that teaches in their own native language, and i'm not sure about picking a language and start learning it, but it is a good idea if applicable, coz English speaking schools always ask for much higher tuition fees, way above what i can afford, and when i say afford; it is probably a loan from my parents, and my parents will be taking a loan from a bank so they can give the money to me, coz so far i couldn't find anyone who provides student loans enough for me to be able to go and study abroad.... It is so expensive to study in UK also coz i already got rejected and asked to do a foundation year first and again i can't afford the extra expenses, i actually had the courage to apply to Bournemouth, and i was honored to receive an e-mail from them, which consisted of a letter of rejection, of course i was gonna be rejected, what were i thinking when i applied!? There are no proper art development courses here, although it can help as a substitute to a foundation year abroad, and this is likely one good option... I'm just figuring it out right now, and my other option is to find a not so expensive yet very good school of animation like the filmakademie baden-württemberg... but what if i spend my time learning german, and then never get accepted, i would love to learn the german language anyways, but i'm in a real mess right now and i really can't figure things out by myself, i have to admit to this level of honesty, that i need a new point of view, and i can't ask for advice here in my country, i swear that almost every time, whenever i ask someone for advice, their answer is always somewhere around: Can't you just go back to your old work in Dubai man? what are you doing here in Amman, there is no money here, and what are you going to do with an animation degree anyways!?....

Ya so i'm not really after the degree, or after learning the skills of animating, but after a dream that i know nothing about, and i'm just following my own logic, i so decided i wanted a school that teaches animation for more than 2 years, a school that can help me transform who i am to either become a capable independent film maker, or grant me a job somewhere really different from my previous experiences, a school that is not so expensive, a school that speaks english probably... unless i can make sure a french or german school would take me in, then i'll go study their language night and day, i will make language speaking noises when i eat or cry, it will be this language from morning till morning again, until i master it and then probably go practice it with people there in that country for half a year and then apply at their schools of animation.... it's time i stop talking.
Thx in advance,
  05 May 2013
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