the holy war-- critique please

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  10 October 2013
the holy war-- critique please

this was done for my personal project. My friend and i was trying to create a religion. We have created our own language and made stories. This is the first painting we have, trying to create a fight scene between machines and flesh, and those little writings have meanings. i need some advice on how to improve this style and which part of this painting doesnt make sense, thanks!

here's my DA page:
if you can go to my page to see more of my work and give me advice on how to improve myself, i will really appreciate it!

Last edited by brant-loser : 10 October 2013 at 07:37 AM.
  10 October 2013
Watch your gestures. Other than throwing their arms around, they're very static. They don't even really look like they're fighting. Look at you tube videos of martial arts, football match, etc. to get more of an idea of what their gestures should be.

I looked at your deviantart. I think you have loads of potential, and you've improved a lot within a year. But, all your pictures take place in a void of space, or in a very plain environment. Most of your characters stand in this space and look out of the picture, full body, single character, 0* perspective, front on or three quarter. This is not a bad thing, but you can work on making your environments MORE than just a stage for your characters, and you could vary your treatment of your characters.
  10 October 2013
The lighting looks good.

Compositionally, this is a bit boring--just a canvas divided into left and right halves by the characters, and that's a bit too basic. You said you guys made up stories for this, so why not include more of the premise into this visual narrative? What kind of world is this? Who are these two characters? What kind of environment are they in? Why are they fighting, and how did this fight start? Is this fight the beginning, middle or climax of the narrative? Is there a clear protagonist/antagonist relationship?

Anaxa is right about the poses--they don't look very interesting. They're just posing with their arms raised instead of actually doing something, like landing a punch, blocking an attack, grasping for the throat, etc. It's just like the fighting choreography in movies--the fight has to be interesting for the audience to look at, and the moves have to look logical and with enough force/impact to look like the character are really trying to hurt each other (instead of only posing for the camera).

It's very important to learn to think like a visual storyteller that communicates ideas clearly, instead of only someone that makes pretty pictures. Try to think more like a movie director when you start working on an image--think about the story, the characters, the premise, the scene, the emotions, etc.
  10 October 2013
Thanks to both of you! I really appreciate your advice! I will try to work on my storytelling mind in the future! Try to think more before I start.
  10 October 2013
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