Android Blues - character

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  05 May 2004
Okay, I've turned her legs to be more relaxed, added more outline to be more consistent, tweaked the arm hole and deleted the man's leg. (overwrote number5)

 
  05 May 2004
i know its supposed to be focussed crit...but just want to say respect and kudos for the leg re-align...
i think the arm/hand is a little big/fat...but not based around any anatomy crit...just feel i'm afraid...also rather man like atm.

can i ask what you would like to say with the image as opposed what you think it says? maybe these are one and the same but kinda curious...
don't like to focus crit on technique as think we should try and concentrate on feelings/emotions/evocativeness whatever that is...if you get my meaning...cheers.

just had an after thought...if you want to increase the feeling of isolation maybe a less tight shot would help...dunno though sometimes you have to try things to know whether they work or not...hope these help in some way...my random ramblings..heh heh...keep up the good work bud.
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  05 May 2004
The main thing that makes her look like a junky, besides the angled perspective and her being against a wall is the screwdriver laying like a seringe.

she looks passed out cause she doesn't show any muscle work.. i mean.. lacks tension... a sad person needs to transmit some tension, (like her legs bent and the other arm keeping them close with her head between them, or more subtle like she could be grabbing her chest with the other hand) or just making a fist...

i understand why the screwdriver is red, but the scredriver is the source of her depression, therefore i believe it should stay black- blueish, if u want to add some collor, how about some purple in the hair? ok, i think i'm a bit out here specially cause you are a master when dealing with collors

i know that what i said goes against what most people say here.. well, thats just what i think
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cottleston pie

Last edited by MadeInUterus : 05 May 2004 at 06:25 PM.
 
  05 May 2004
Really nice and strong image till now; it really puts your thinking about it....

I'd like to see her face, but to just see the contours. Would it be an idea to put her head a bit to the light, looking to the window? And maybe a shadow of somebody else would also be nice

I like the bled you see at her cutted arm; it shows its not done with respect. Also the lines and sharp look is nice!

Good luck!
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  05 May 2004
I find the effect of this picture curious, puzzling, like the ultimate effect is not the intended effect. I think you intended poignancy, like that of seeing a child's doll in the trash. But I don't think it serves the subject. Your exquisite execution unifies the work and is savory in the extreme but it interrupts the stark quality the image wants. The face is hidden behind straggling hair, slumped pose of a propped up mannekin, barren and dilapidated setting, stark ominous shadow. In other words, all the necessary elements are there, skillfully selected and treated, but you seem caught between illustrated fantasy, and real film noir grit. I think you have to risk letting cg work for you more, to establish evocative lighting and texture. You have taken the sumptuous technique of figure and pinup fantasy and juxtaposed it with a few trappings from the scifi genre. You are very sensitive to the expressive effect of pose in the western figurative tradition and how to use it compositionally. You may be less sensitive to the expressive devices of the cinema and how they have informed our emotional response to images. But I am sadly lacking in such awareness myself. The image is beautiful but slightly closed off. I think you need to be less refined in you treatment possibly. I am thinking of Picasso Blue Period.
 
  05 May 2004
Thanks guys. jrcsurvey, I think you're right, there's something not resolved about this image. I don't think it's because it's rendered too 'pretty', after all lots of Manga and anime and colorful graphic novels manage to be poignant. Maybe it's that we don't see her face, and so the whole thing becomes ambiguous. Not sure what to do about that, except scrap the whole approach and try something different.

Anyway, here's one with stomach folds tweaked, hand narrowed, shadow by heel darkened, and text added. I guess the text competes with the subject, but I'd like to use it as a cover or poster for my screenplay, so it needs some kind of heading...

 
  05 May 2004
I'm not sure about the title. You're right, it is really fighting with the image. I'm also not sure whether it's clear enough to read, I think the motion blur is too strong.

Does the motion blur sit on top or behind the text? Maybe put it behind and lower the opacity a bit. And since it's for a poster maybe darken the background behind the text, so it stands out more.
 
  05 May 2004
Yeah bin the title, it just runins the image, don't give it a title let it speak for itselve, just put a name at the bottom or something.

What you could do is give it some more highlights in her hair.
I see the lightsource is comming from the richt side (left for the girl) but the ground tells me it's comming from the front side.
So maybe you could make it really come from the right side through a window, and put the highlights she has on her leg also on her hair.

peace
Galo
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  05 May 2004
too much blur, oversaturated and and adds too much weight on the top...
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cottleston pie
 
  05 May 2004
i don't not like the title...but think it could do with its own black space above the image..possibly an extra 3rd black space above...but its all good...glad you looked at the stomach area.
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One never knows what each day is going to bring. The important thing is to be open and ready for it.

Henry Moore
 
  05 May 2004
Yes, you took the meaning of my critique exactly. There is no way to resolve what I am getting at with a few tweaks of this image, it is embedded in the vision you began with and the technical strengths you have developed and work within. The critique is not aimed at improving this image, but your next.

As you point to, the whole artistic approach you take leads us to want to see that face, and that is denied. But does that denial result in the expressive effect intended? Little or nothing else is denied the viewer. She is there for us. Her body and pose are there for us. Her rich young flesh is there for us. Nothing of the environment hides or detracts. There are some deep shadows but they deny us nothing of interest. In fact the spotlighting effect only shows off the figure more. The empty setting sets up its tactile presence. The harsh, crumbling texture of the pavement is a foil to the smooth, innocent beauty of her skin.

The denial of the face leaves the pose and the scraggled hair to communicate her inner state. Presumably this is an intentional device, calculated to induce empathy. The question is, does it,... or is it merely an annoyance relative to the fleshly invitation of her open thighs? There is a good deal of voyeurism here.

I don't mean to invalidate the latent eroticism of the image. There is nothing wrong with that. It is suffuse in the entire genre and at the very root of its appeal. But perhaps the picture needs more of a ranking of emotive devices, some need to be subordinate to others.

Obviously I am discussing creative options available to someone that is capable of an advanced level of technical control. And I am discussing them merely as someone who is a livelong student of art, but who has no personal stature in the artworld at all.

I kind of liked my "doll in the trash" idea in my previous post btw. It suggests to me that you were caught deciding between two opposite appoaches to your theme(s): the theme of the embodied sentience of a robot, the theme of the superficial component of desire, the theme of the harsh persecutioin of those who are different, , theme of rhe romantic appeal of alienation especially if it is not your fault,... And it makes for interesting conversation. My thought was that your approach here is to give us the fleshy girl and let us discover her mechanized artificiality. The opposite approach would be to begin with the artificiality and have it begin to hint at the transcendent possiblilities. In a way it echoes my other question: do you seek out what is emotive in an image, or let it come to you?

-Jim
 
  05 May 2004
hey Stahlberg, nice work here, it's nice to see you tweak the image to make the feeling it breathes more pure. The image makes me feel helpless, like I am watching the robotgirl and not beïng able to help her.

Anyways, what I really wanted to tell you was a maybe solution for the title, what about just writing the title on the wall, like airbrushed, or written with crayons, that way it won't fight with the overal feeling and atmosphere of the image - like the one now.
Oh well, just my thoughts on it
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  05 May 2004
A very strong image. I think the stomach folds need more work, and the hand/arm still seems a bit big for her compared to her torso. The title reminds me of the Alien movie.
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  06 June 2004
Another update:
 
  06 June 2004
i like it , is that a black tear drop on her face? is that a tear on the ground?

now i have the feeling that her left leg is too big, might be the perspective tho..


it does make one feel the blue this poor "girl" is going trhu, i feel like she has just been "violated"
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