View Full Version : school project Wip please critique

07 July 2009, 01:49 AM
HI guys this here is a school project for my demo reel. It is still in an early stage and a work in progress. please feel free to critique and or comment.


Mike Alfaro

07 July 2009, 03:29 AM
Cool!! I had some problems viewing the movie correctly in vimeo, the video was skipping. Anyhow, it is very fun. Just a couple of comments.

1. When he sees the girl, he looks happy, but it would be nice to get more of a reaction from him. Really push the facial so you know for sure he's interested. Mostly when he is coming forward on the treadmill, right before he falls.
2. The whole thing feels like it ends abruptly. It would feel more complete if you finished the action out...maybe he can fling backwards and into the weight set?

Keep it up!
Kent Alfred

07 July 2009, 03:50 AM
Hi Mike, just some thoughts.

When the guy on the threadmil turns his head to look at the girl, is too quick. Try slowing it down a few frames. I'm just thinking of a reason for his head to turn suddenly to the right n only looking back again at the girl. If you wish to have the action from right to centre, maybe you can turn your head to the right earlier, showing like he is looking around, then a sudden turn to look at the girl.

As for the girl, try giving her arms more curves, its rather stiff now. Her shoulders seems rather odd, i think it's pushing to the front n back too much. For a girl, it doesn't look quite glamorous to throw their shoulders around too much, try minimizing the shoulder movements. And one last thing, her eyes seems to be all over the place, you may like to fix that.

07 July 2009, 02:13 AM
yea with the girl I have not done as much work as I'd like to with her yet but yea I can see what you mean with the arms . I want to also make her a bit more sassy and push her affect on the guy. as for the end, I have yet to decide what im going to go with. I want it to do some thing that is unexpected or non cliche but for the moment thats not a bad start with him fly back into the weights.

thanks alot to both of you , will add the up dates and repost as soon as I can.

07 July 2009, 08:16 PM
looking good. Keep us updated on this progress..


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07 July 2009, 08:16 PM
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