View Full Version : WIP Short Dialogue Piece

07 July 2008, 03:11 PM
Hey guys, I'm working on this dialogue piece here and hopefully looking to put it in my junior animator showreel i'm working on at the moment, and i'd like to push it to something pretty decent. I'm looking to try and finish it off so I would welcome any crits you guys can give me!

Thanks for checking it out! :)

07 July 2008, 05:43 PM
ehh sorry wrong thread :D. I dont know how this can happen side affects from animating way too long maybe haha.

P.S your shot looks great. Really nice emotion in there and technically it looks awesome.I agree with DevIII though and my suggestion would be to try and tone it down a bit especially the arcs of the head. Also maybe try and hit your poses at different phrases and experiment with that and see where it leads you. Great work though keep it up.

07 July 2008, 07:14 PM
its looking good, theres something wrong with fff's in the lipsynch i think its because the top lip is essentially not moving...

i like the body motion, but it might be a bit extreme some times. the hands a pretty good.

what is he doing? sitting? something about the leg and hip position really bothers me maybe stand him up and let the hip move a bit more. chang ethe knees around so theyre not dead pixels i don't know something.

nucleo i think you mixed up your posts dude, this characters not walking!

this a great line of dialog what was it from (twins?) it sounds so familar!

07 July 2008, 04:33 PM
Hey thanks for taking the time to post some crits guys!

The quote is from Total Recall, which I only found out 2 nights ago when I was watching it then the line came up. Was interesting to see the way it was acted out in comparison to my interpretation.

Yes the character is sitting down, I didn't think that the dialogue suited someone who was stood up as he's really in the dumps and i thought the emotion would be stronger with him sat down (on the flip side, the line is delivered stood up in Total Recall) The idea was the character was waiting to audition for the smurf's, which is why he is blue (i dont know why i did this, i was just playing with his skin colour and thought that with the clothes he's wearing he could be a smurf :D), but i think i'll change the theme to something else. Either way the idea is that he feels he's hit a lowpoint and wants to better himself.

I was going to add some small foot shuffles in there at some point, which could maybe address the issue of his knees essentially just being there, maybe a bit of bounce in the bench too when he's shifting his weight could be cool?

I'll be going back through my arcs again because I wondered if it was a little too much in places myself (especially going into the last pose)

Oooo also with the f's. the top lip does actually move, but i think i'll have to push it a little more to make it read more clearly...

Once again thanks for the comments!For anyone reading this I would appreciate any other comments you could throw my way, it would be a great help!

07 July 2008, 01:42 PM
Everything you've got here is looking good. I'd like to see a little more direction with the acting though. I feel like I don't exactly know where the person is that he's talking to.

What you have with him looking down at the start is great. When he says 'I want to do something...' you may want to have him look towards the guy he's talking to, screen right i guess.

He could keep his gaze there. Try having him drop his eyes down for the brief pause in dialogue, then on ' somebody' he could look back to the same person rather than up and about.

Anyway, food for thought. Looking great though!

07 July 2008, 03:34 PM
Hey everyone,just checking in with an update.

Thanks alot for the kind words and comments gnikrapon :)

Ive toned down the final pose a bit, and have done something with the legs. I've also changed the eyes a little so that they have a focus more on something (in this case the viewer). Also he's no longer blue...

Again I'd be grateful if anyone would be kind enough to leave some more crits!Thankyou!

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07 July 2008, 11:07 PM
I really like it, you've got good emotions coming through and the character works excellently. A few things I picked upon. I like the addition of the feet shuffle. With the first one, you've got his weight moving with it perfectly and it adds to the gesture of his hand. But the movement of his left leg seems out of place, it doesn't seem to fit any purpose,and i don't think its needed.

I also think you really need to make it clear where the person he's talking to is. In the first clip,when he looks up, and where he's looking when the animation ends; you get the impression that they are to (our) right. Second time round its a little less clear. He looks right, then moves his head left and stares forward. Then back right, then forward again. I think it just needs to get back that focus.

finally, and this might just be me I'm not sure. but I don't like so much how in the latest one he breaks in to a smile at the end. it some how breaks the flow. Saying you want to be somebody (to me) is the same as admitting to yourself your a nobody, and that wouldn't make me smile :).

Great work! can't wait to see what your future work.

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