03 March 2007, 12:06 PM
Well, the motion isn't bad. But if you're focus is acting, it lacks the subtely needed still. I don't really see any body language speaking to the dialouge.
The quick version of my point is if you turn off the audio, do you have any clue of what is going on in the scene? I don't really. I get there's a part where he's explaining something serious. But after that... As far as I can tell the cannon ball seems more like a random sudden escape. The audio is carrying most of it.
So if your focus is working on your acting, what is the character thinking, feeling and doing?
The audo sugests he's trying to make an anouncement. Get everyones atention. Great, I've got your atention, now, here is the very very important thing I have to say. And here it is. Nothing important, I'm doing a cannon ball. So thats generaly what he's thinking, at least as I gather.
What he would be doing is trying to motion to get peoples atention, be it hands in the air, or waving. I'm sure we've all seen somebody up infront of a croud try to get their atention, or a teacher in class. The motion in his hands would sugest this is important. Solid hand motions, similar probably to how politions try to talk with their hands. Body language would sugest seriousness, but perhaps overacting too to really sell the idea. Maybe facial poses like they're trying to hold back the smile, with lips more narrow than the should be and eye brows raised too much. Whats the body language going to be when finaly he can stop holding back and and show everybody what he's been waiting for. That sudden shift from serious to goof ball or fun. Feeling I guess is in that description too.
Thats what I see missing right now. As far as the motion, the posing isn't bad, anticipation, hold frames, etc. I see all the elements there, though most of them could be cleaned up a little. Also I'm not sure why but I find it a little odd he addresses the same two spots. No gaze across the room or anything.
I would see if you can add things like hints of cockyness in his speach. See if you can find a way with just the body langauge to say this is a seriousness moment to got you all, this is fun. And if you can, examine your face shapes and see if there's perhaps anything you can add.
03 March 2007, 01:24 PM
Good and thorough feedback. Thanks. I'm going to have another go at it tonight now that it's sat for a little while and I can see more of the issues as well as address the crits.
I definitely am less interested in the overacting (I'm actually making an effort to avoid it for this one) then I am the subtlety but you're spot on that I need to convey more what he's thinking then what he's saying. And you're totally right that in attempting to convey him addressing the crowd, he's always looking to one of two points.
I'll repost when I have another pass.
03 March 2007, 01:24 PM
This thread has been automatically closed as it remained inactive for 12 months. If you wish to continue the discussion, please create a new thread in the appropriate forum.