View Full Version : Loman Animation needs a critique please.

09 September 2006, 03:14 PM

click here : ({521C1E80-FBC5-4E91-9F25-C2408DC60E2A}.mov) ( 720x360 287kb )

Hey! I'm pengjie.from Beijing China.Here is a little animation of my practices.Give me some suggestions please.thx.

update: 2006.09.28 ({863FE8B7-8D1E-4157-9DD9-7F0422E921A6}.mov) ( 450x255 179kb )

09 September 2006, 06:01 PM
nice animation! very quick and snappy! only problem i found was that the ending was too fast for me. i had to watch it a second time to make sure it landed on his foot and that's why he was freakin out. i mean, it was close but if you could make it more clear or slower it would read better. good job tho!

09 September 2006, 07:35 PM
Hey Penge,
Fun animation you have going here. I agree with what mistasam02 has to say. The ending is a bit too fast. Also, I think his reaction to the box landing on his foot is too fast as well. When the box first touches his hands (frame 67), I'd start to add the body compensation for the weight of the heavy box. I'd also add a bit more overlapping action on his reaction as well.

Also, if the box is that heavy, will he be able to get his foot out from underneath it that easily? And wouldn't the box have some secondary motion as the foot gets ripped out from underneath it?

What is the object that flies into scene at the end? Is it something that was in one of the boxes? I think I get what you were trying to do, but I just don't get what the object is... Mainly because all we have been introduced to are boxes and then this other object seems to appear and it really isn't defined anywhere (make sense?).

One more thing. It'd be nice if he had some moving holds in there. At the moment, he hits his poses and just sticks them.

Anyway, great start and I look forward to seeing where you end up taking this one. Thanks for sharing!

09 September 2006, 08:48 PM
The animation is good. just needs to read better.
The foot getting crushed could read better by not hiding it under his body so much when the box comes down...repose him. It should be right in the line of fire, obvious to the viewer. Currently what reads is that he didnt catch it. The foot thing doesnt even register. especially if you suddenly have him bounce off in a hurry...
When the box slips through his hands his body does a jarring reaction...i would tone that down.
Also turn the box out so we get to see the foot under the box.
when he registers the pain I'd keep his body more still, and speed up the facial.. you could even pop it in one frame(you could anticipate,react, settle at one frame each)... and have some kind of "studder" cringe effect a beat after the facial reaction...maybe remove the whole jump out of screen and just have him screech with pain.

...thats what i think anyway

09 September 2006, 06:47 AM
Why does he freak out on the second box?

09 September 2006, 05:48 AM
Mistasam02 Key framer elgeneral:Thanks for such great suggestions with all of you, espacially thanks Key Framer’s opinions and questions, I’m neglect those questions indeed. I’ll show you the modify animation as soon as possible. Hope see your suggestions again.

Kevin Kraeer : Just because the box is too hevry, he can’t catch it, and the box breaked his foot then. Thanks for your ask.

09 September 2006, 03:24 PM
I would also add that during the first catch to hold it a bit longer before throwing it...once again to catch up to speed. Good work so far :)

09 September 2006, 02:17 PM ({863FE8B7-8D1E-4157-9DD9-7F0422E921A6}.mov) ( 450x255 179kb )

09 September 2006, 02:45 PM
Thats reading much better now, and made me smile.

When trying to get his foot from beneath the box however I think he has a little too much spring without enough anticipation...

Perhaps have his foot slowly slide from beneath the box and the use the tension in his *free* foot to propel him in the air

However it looks good so far, nice, bouncy and fluid.

09 September 2006, 05:22 PM
hey penge,
much better. However, I still see a few things that could read a bit better;) And they're all pretty "easy" fixes too.
1) when he goes to pull his foot out from under the box. Have him do a small anticipation move before the big yank. He needs to get that momentum from somewhere.

2) during the big pull that ends up ripping his foot off (nice touch!), don't stop his "pull" before the foot dismemberment...See if you can keep him "pulling" all the way up until the foot rips off. One thing that you can do to show that he is REALLY pulling is to change his head angle at the end. Have it rotated back to push his line of action a bit more.

3) I'd also lose the last look at the camera because I find it kind of confusing. Does he know that his foot is about to rip off? If so, wouldn't he give up on the pull and try to get his foot out with a different method?

4) the last box doesn't have the textures... is it supposed to look different?

5) Now to add a stream of blood flying behind his dismembered foot;) I know...easier said than done... I know next to nothing about particles and all that.

Anyway, great animation and it's been fun to see the update that you have done. Keep it up!

09 September 2006, 06:38 AM
nice wheight test
the animation ..i don't know if is it to fast, but i think it is to short. mayde it would be better to chatch a few boxes befor the hard one.
keep up :D

10 October 2006, 12:02 AM
I'm not sure what the thing is that fly's in at the end. Leaves me a bit frustrated.


10 October 2006, 02:22 AM
Thanks for all of you suggestions.Iíll keeping modify.

10 October 2006, 08:47 AM
box_final_v2 ({8105D009-FAD4-4167-A6A4-103BA1B1D7C8}.mov)

01 January 2007, 03:02 PM
Here is a little animation of my practices by Macromedia Flash MX. It's just a test before doing 3d animation by Maya. Give me some

suggestions please.thx.

Download mov (133 KB) ([]

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