View Full Version : American Grafitti- Dialogue Test
06 June 2006, 06:23 AM
Hello Good People,
Well I just blocked out the first pass of a dialogue test I am working on. I'm going Siggraph in August with a plan of taking a solid reel with me.
So I have this guy in the store wanting to buy a bottle of liquor, but hes under age. The clerk speaks and catches the guy off guard. So he tries playing it cool and casually orders the bottle like hes done it "so many times before."
Dialogue test (http://media.putfile.com/FirstPass01_AB-42)
A few questions I have: How are my poses? Timing? Any additional comments would be appreciated. I can handle a tough critique so don't hold back. I would actually appreciate it alot.
The sound clip is from American Grafitti. The rig is by pj leffelman.
06 June 2006, 10:15 PM
looks good. I think the cut between the 2 camera angles is a bit jarring, since the first angle gives no sense of the orientation of the room. I also didn't understand the character's motivation for walking off in a slump. To me, the scene read as him wanting to steal the bottle instead of wanting to purchase it because he's underage, and then trying to play it off by buying a bunch of other stuff.
I looked through it again and I think you could play up the "pint of old harper" pose because that's the main concept you're trying to get across, but the pose is so underplayed that I didn't even notice it the first time. I'd suggest having his hand up pointing more promenently to the bottle with some kind of "I hope he goes for it" grin, if that makes any sense.
07 July 2006, 03:01 AM
Hey thanks for the feedback. I have been getting some great feedback from other people. Heres another blocking pass....I think its getting better.
Any comments will be appreciated.
07 July 2006, 09:38 PM
i like your second pass a lot. the run out at the end is really great. no crits for now. i'm looking forward to seeing how this turns out.
07 July 2006, 09:50 PM
Well thank you very much Capel. I had a look at your work and reel and I'm very impressed. I can't wait until I get that first job. I am going to Siggraph to make some conacts and show my work. I am hoping to have this dialogue pass completed by then.
Last night I checked the list of exhibitors that will be at Siggraph, and I was disappointed not to see Dreamworks because its one of the places I am really hoping to end up at...eventually. Do you know anything about that?
I hope you do keep an eye on my work.
07 July 2006, 07:17 AM
Hello Good People
Heres another pass...
-worked on the beginning
-put in an antic for the ending
-pushed the casual part at the end
-pushed the "yeah" pose part after the stumble.
I hope its looking good. I would like to start putting in the rest of the breakdowns soon, and work on refining it. But let me know if theres anything more. I really want to have this done for Siggraph.
07 July 2006, 02:18 PM
This looks really good. I think the attitude and feeling are really coming across. Right now the only crit I have is that just after we have the shot of him reaching for the bottle there is a stumble sequence. I think the second pose in the stumble is off. It looks like he regains his composure at that point, but then the next pose starts him stumbling again. Its all very fast. I'm not sure you need that second pose after the reach. I hope that makes sense. Good luck with the rest, it is looking very good and I cannot wait to see it finished.
07 July 2006, 10:47 PM
Hey thank you diegosocart12! I completely agree with your comment. I went ahead fixed that. I am up to my neck in the graph editor right now trying to smooth this scene out (I am loving it). Its coming along. I am anxious to get it done so I can put back up here and have people view/critique it.
09 September 2006, 08:15 AM
Its been a while since I posted this.
I still have to do the facial and hand animation. But I am still interested in hearing some feedback on it. I would really appreciate it.
09 September 2006, 01:15 PM
Fantastic work so far. pull back the second point a little bit...it's a bit too exxagerated. Keep going...it's Great!
09 September 2006, 01:33 PM
That looks really really good, i think it shows exactly what u wanted it and it is really smooth.
09 September 2006, 05:00 AM
Thank you gcapot8462 and Squash-n-Stretch. I will continue to work on this and repost it again.
If anyone else has some comments....feel free.
09 September 2006, 06:15 AM
I made changes to the middle part of the animation when he's pointing at all the items. Its still kind of rough because I haven't got into the graph editor yet.
Here it is: http://media.putfile.com/Am-92
If you want to see the old version to know the changes I made check this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRa53iBa02A
I really need and would appreciate a crit on the changes I made. I have to send my reel out next Tuesday.
Thank you in advance.
10 October 2006, 03:14 AM
Here is my "final version" of this animation, although I still would like feedback because I know it can be better.
10 October 2006, 08:54 AM
Your poses are very nice, however in the final animation it looks very 'floaty' like he's simply floating from pose to pose. There is very little sence of weight, which is in stark contrast to your fairly weighty poses.
I'm also confused by the end. It could do with a moving hold or something while he is just leaning on the bar. There is also very little antisipation he just suddenly shoots off the screen.
Please dont take offence, but it looks rushed. Your poses are great but it simply looks like you ran out of time and switched to spline curves as soon as you could.
Poses are great though.
10 October 2006, 07:34 PM
No offense taken at all. I thank you for your time and thoughts. You made some valid points.
10 October 2006, 07:51 AM
My latest pass: http://media.putfile.com/American-Graffiti-mp4
I'm ready for a critique! Don't hold back. :)
10 October 2006, 07:51 AM
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