06 June 2006, 03:25 PM
That bad hmmm? HA! i hope i am not one of those that does not have a clue how bad his work sucks! I would love to hear comments on how i can improve this, i invested some time on this and it would suck if i have to abandon it, but if that's the case, i think i learned a bunch just doing this :)
06 June 2006, 05:18 PM
Great start you got here! I laughed out loud a few times (the dancing at the end...priceless!!)!! However, here is what I see that may or may not help you...
1) It took me a bit to actually see that he was holding the phone away from his head...maybe during that long sequence he could maybe start to bring the phone near his head to see if the Mrs is still doing her rant...obviously not as close as he does for the silent part, but something that gives the audience a heads up to what is going on. You could also maybe bring the phone closer to his head (something close to the pose at 310) for the whole intro part. As it is, it's held at the edge of the frame and away from our focus... hope that makes some sense.
2) I think the dead time between her yelling at him is too long. If she was THAT mad at him, she wouldn't pause for that long before laying back into him. I'd cut it back to her yelling.. pause ...he looks at the phone...brings the phone close again and then back to the yelling. Basically, cut out most or almost all of frames 200-330.
3) I don't see why the phone falls off the desk. It has been sitting in the same position the entire time. I think that you need to have some part where the phone gets repositioned...maybe after he plays with the picture frame he can somehow knock it a bit with his left elbow...something that helps us with the anticipation (We see it, but he doesn't kind of thing...)
4) at the end, I'd change his expression after the phone rings again... you have a great happy pose, but when that phone rings he knows he is in BIG BIG trouble! If you ended on more or less the opposite pose, I think it'd add a ton to your piece...
5) gotta love the naked work environment;)
Great piece! I love it and can't wait to see the next pass!!
06 June 2006, 06:50 PM
Hey thanks Key_framer, this is exactly the kind fo critique i was looking for, i've been working on this piece for a awhile now and i kind of got lost in the details.
1- it makes sense, i will repose that part so as to bring the phone closer to him
2- i wanted to have her just talking, not really mad, but it is just that he is tired of her calling up all the time and just talking, talking, talking nonsense, not really mad, i guess the audio sounds like she's mad, but hey, never thought about it, her being mad, so i think i can play with that, i am going to have to rethink that portion then, i agree with the silence.
3- the phone moves at frame 317, very little, barely noticeable, i agree, the previous version that i had, he would do a drastic movement but on this piece, i see your point, gonna have to make it work somehow to be noticeable.
4- change of facial i think it would be fun, i will try that, kind of a surprise look thinking that he was off the hook ha!
5- air conditioner is broken, so the boss just gave him a break, how's that?
I really appreciate you taking the time to help me with this, it is really easy to loose track after working on the same piece for a while
06 June 2006, 06:50 PM
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