View Full Version : Short script
10-19-2005, 07:10 PM
I have just worked over an old script that I did back in school and yought I'd actually post something of my own instead of just posting suggestions for others.
Post any C&C you want: Initial feelings or deeper analysis. What you thought about theme, structure, dialouge, format and tone.
Since english is not my first language I'm allways happy to get feedback on the use of words and suggestions on what sound right from people who actually use the language in common day speach more than me.
Thanks a bunch
Well here goes. It's in RTF Format
11-07-2005, 07:33 PM
Late reply so im sorry o_O
but i thought id just say its a really great script, well done =D
really got into it, and i love the use FX's would have in it, the way it should be done, for the story or theme, lot of respect there. <-- too bad it wouldnt actually be made as a short =(
as far as grammer, didnt really notice anything, i guess the line when Mr Shadow gets into the cab and the crowd sounds like they're underewater could be said differently, but that might even be my personal context, it's probably completely fine ;)
Cheers again, great read.
11-11-2005, 08:55 AM
Thanks Lohn, glad you liked it. I read it myself again and Noticed a few thing I might have frased in better ways.
The effects are not that much of a problem since I have been fiddling about with VFX for some years prior to my writing. It's good knowledge to have so one knows what can be done and how to do it when you plan the script for specific projects.
It might need one more re-wright before I will consider it done and I'm working on the Idea to make it as an animated short. have some cool and wierd designs that I think would fit the story.
11-11-2005, 12:48 PM
Hi zurfer i think yout script is wary good and wary intresting did you shoot the script, because i am intrested in if you would let me shoot it. if not maby toy can sell it to me.
11-11-2005, 05:03 PM
Hi Johnny. Well I wrote it for a student on the directing corse at the school I attended and he shot it as part of an asignment. Though I'm not to pleased with the results we got. Cramped for time and budget and with one day to go we did not have neither a car nor actors that could wear the parts good enough. I do not like Producing that much and especially not when everything seems to go wrong.
Well I take it as a learning experience and moved on. I just fixed a few things that bugged me in the firts draft and now I'm actually getting good feelings about the project again and I was thinking about making it into a somewhat freaky rotoscoped film. I wanted to shoot it and then rotoscope over the actors and environment so that they had that bizarre feeling from the drawings in Fear and loathing L.V.
However I'm corrently swamped with a lot of other larger projects and I'm quite certain I wont be able to complete this one for a year at least (If ever).
I would like to know more about you and what you have done before. I'm all for working with people whitout presidented experience but I would like to see if there is potential and if we are compatible style wise.
If i like your style and believe you can do what I hope can be done with the script i would love to let you shoot it. And the part about bying, I'm not one to say no to pay for writing but i do not like giving up to much so we'll have to discuss the terms of it in more depth.
Please send me some infor about yourself and your work. How and where you plan to execute the short and so forth.
Looking forward to hearing from you
11-13-2005, 11:19 PM
I really enjoyed this Zurfer... Neat concept, almost surreal vibe with a satisfying ending. I saw it more live action than animated, but roto (eek!) could be an interesting angle. Gondry or Fincher to direct :)
11-13-2005, 11:19 PM
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