View Full Version : the humman condition, a few scenes for a short

08 August 2005, 01:06 PM
Started writing the first few scene of a short I would like to make. basically about a guy who doesnt have much of a life. This is my first attempt so i guess it probably leaves a lot to be desired format wise. What do you think?

Unspecified modern times.
Small, studio apartment, designed by the thousands.
drank, low maintenance, impersonal, modern.


Camera stares at the light fixture on the roof. Slowly pans down past the shower
to the modern sink and cabinet. A person walks past the camera, camera does not
move. He takes a shower. Steam fills the bathroom. He has a shave and gets ready
for work, collects his leather case and heads off.

This is a routine has been completed a thousand times before.

The camera pans across his room as the day progresses, comes to rest on his bed
side table; 7pm.

He comes in through the door; his tie is ajar, he looks rundown. walks across to
the bed and lies down, goes to sleep.

Later on the eve, Phone rings;

Main Char - Hello, hey how are you. (pause) What club... (pause)Ahh, man I'm so
tired and I dont fit in there ... (Longer Pause) Yeah, yeah OK, Iíll come down
for a while. I'll see you there.

We start to hear club music slowly coming in. He gets up puts on his jacket while
going out the door. Music gets louder and louder as the screen fades to black.


Everything is saturated with light.
We see him in bed, stubble, and blood shot eyes and looks worse for wear.
He gets up; same routine again, walks out the door.
He comes home late, again.

Opens his cupboard looking for food, sees a bottle of unopened alcohol, and
thinks why not.

Sits down on the couch, pours himself a drink. Turns on the TV, just to have some
sound in his apartment. The muffled ramblings of Saturday night game show
fill the background.

Presenter - Are yoiu excited cheryl! i'm exited, lets see if we can win you some happiness

Next day.

Today is his day off.
Afternoon sun fills his apartment, we see it peering through the only portion of the sky which has not been blocked out by this appartment complex. For a momment it's actually nice in there. He takes a momment, sits in the sun.

He closes his eyes and day dreams.

Before we get to comfortable we hear the alarm clock going off.


We come to, looking over his shoulder, he is standing in his room looking at the front door dressed ready for work.

He hesitates for a sec... then walks out the door.

This is the basic story arch, may flesh out certain areas but its quite complete I think.
Cheers Hesh

08 August 2005, 07:21 PM
Sounds like a good start. I like how the repetitous style portrays the monotony of the guy's life. I'm interested in seeing how it progresses. Will each scene start with him waking up in the morning?

08 August 2005, 01:11 AM
Thanks for the comment tufif.

I want to make the viewer stay in his room as long as possible. It will help in setting up the routin which this guy follows. One where he does what he does because he thinks he has to. It will also makes us wonder what he is doing all day.

We will then follow him to his place of work.


08 August 2005, 04:39 AM
Hey all, completed the story (Shown above), its quite a short story. I think the weight of the story will lie in the mood that the visuals/sounds will set. I think it has all the elements required of a story/movie.

This is a short i would like to make entirly in 3d. It will be interesting seeing this type of story in 3d.

Feed back is really required as this the first piece of creative writting i have written since high school.


08 August 2005, 02:45 PM
Cool, let us know when it's ready!

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