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callumridley
04-11-2011, 10:46 AM
Created this for my dissertation at Oxford Brookes University.
Short story animation about a hacker who hacks into the US Military Weapons Control Centre and send a nuclear bomb to a nearby US City.
Story isn't great but was more focused on the dynamics animation side of things.

***link removed***

I would really love to hear your feedback.

Callum

mistasam02
04-12-2011, 01:08 AM
That was pretty bad man. First off, why make a short with a bad story? You admit it's not good, so why put so much effort into it? The animation is terrible, starting off with your versions of the Pixar and Dreamworks logos. The lamp was sliding, there was no sense of weight, and the rest of the short didn't really have much other than camera animation. The soldier running needs a lot of work if you plan on taking this further. Why is the biplane carrying a bomb? Why is he bombing an empty city in the middle of no where? I'm sure this was a short course and you had to learn a lot of complex stuff, but I'd stick to something shorter with more detail put in to show off the skills you've acquired. Sorry to be harsh, but I don't think this is ready to show off. Good luck with your future projects.

thebeesknees
04-13-2011, 05:07 AM
I do agree with mistasam02 (http://forums.cgsociety.org/member.php?u=196914) about some things, especially the part about the copied logos (not cool, even for student work) and the biplane which was highly incongruous in the story.
So considering the weak storyline too, I'd like to suggest some changes that might improve things.

For starters, we understand your animation and quite possibly your rigging is weak. Maybe you could cut out the people entirely. Make it only about the bomb being dropped and the city being destroyed. That way you could work on what you really want and still salvage something from this short.

You must have spent time modeling the city and working the dynamics, which are better. I think you could improve your camera-work and tighten your editing to make it look better.

Also, the explosion was... slow, and lacking in nuance and drama.
Just whiting out the screen isn't helpful. Nowadays your average viewer is used to seeing such sophisticated SFX that they wouldn't look at this twice. Try to put a little kick in it!
Good luck!

monuda85
04-13-2011, 05:19 AM
That was pretty bad man. First off, why make a short with a bad story? You admit it's not good, so why put so much effort into it? The animation is terrible, starting off with your versions of the Pixar and Dreamworks logos. The lamp was sliding, there was no sense of weight, and the rest of the short didn't really have much other than camera animation. The soldier running needs a lot of work if you plan on taking this further. Why is the biplane carrying a bomb? Why is he bombing an empty city in the middle of no where? I'm sure this was a short course and you had to learn a lot of complex stuff, but I'd stick to something shorter with more detail put in to show off the skills you've acquired. Sorry to be harsh, but I don't think this is ready to show off. Good luck with your future projects.

I know I do not have right to care about the way you comment but, when you give someone a piece of advice especially for the amount of work he has done, try to think how he will accept your feedback. Even what you said was pretty much what I agree with, your whole advice sounds quiet offensive as it started by saying words like bad,terrible,and repetitive "why". I would have said in a nicer way such as "Using Pixar and Dreamworks logos as an intro will kill your originality of your reel and copying someone's work is a risky thing to do unless it is really identically good". Little bit of gentleness would make a difference. Again, you pointed out everything that needed to be fixed, you kinda need to soften your way of saying things.

Back on topic, for short film, the ideal length range is from a minute to 3 minutes unless it is a group project. Currently your story is quiet hard to understand from the beginning. You need to provide some strong impression at the beginning to get audiences's attention. Showing a regular guy typing on something while listening to a loud music seems kinda dull. Also, since all the elements including an animation were all done by you, what do you want to focus in 3D field? Modeling? Texturing? Rigging? If you are thinking about being an animator. I strongly recommend you to take a look at these books that are very useful for understanding basic principles of animation as well as building an idea for a short film. For now, your animation is missing important things such as weight,timing,and poses etc.

How to Make Animated Films by Tony White
The Animator's Survival Kit by Richard Williams
The ILLUSION OF LIFE: DISNEY ANIMATION by Ollie Johnston and Frank Thomas

Good luck, take your time. You are still young!

callumridley
04-13-2011, 09:27 AM
Thanks for all the feedback guys.
I'll admit at first read I was a little disheartened, I have spent a lot of time on this after all.

That said, I do agree with your comments. I'm in no way the greatest animator there has ever been and I also don't claim to be. I would like to note that I'm not on an animation course and in fact my course is entitled "BSc Sound Technology and Digital Music". I chose to do animation for my final project dissertation because it's something that I enjoy. It should also be noted that during my course I have only had 12 hours of directed study on 3D animation and the rest is all my own research.

The feedback I have received elsewhere has all been good with just a few "constructive criticisms" being put forward, perhaps the professional playground here isn't suited to me quite yet.

Callum

Aloke316
04-13-2011, 07:15 PM
i saw ur shortfilm and i wasnt very much entertained......but i liked ur modelling and i appreciate the large amount of efforts you put in it to make it in 6 months....i m too making a student short animated film and i know how much pain and efforts it is required to make a 3d short film....however since it was ur first film and as you are originally a sound designing student it was a brilliant effort!!! dont get disheartened by this and pls dont stop animating.....i would love to see another short film from u!!

karabo
04-13-2011, 07:42 PM
Well I'm not going to sit here and rip you a new one over this short. I recognize where you are skill wise so I'll give you crits with that in mind.

The logos at the beginning put me off even before the film started. Copying Pixar and Dreamworks' logos is pointless. Come up with your own. It's one thing to give a nod to the great animation houses but it's completely something else to flat out plagiarize them.

Story-wise, the film makes very little sense. It's not interesting at all. Some character development would have been nice. We never got to know the guy at the computer. Why should we care about what he's doing? Why is he doing it? Is he just a hacker having fun or is it more than that? Is he trying to get back at the government for something? You need to flesh out your characters.

The plane with the bomb made no sense at all. Did the hacker send it? Why? The design of it doesn't really seem very militaristic. It's a bright red biplane with a propeller. You would have thought it would be some kind of stealth bomber with jet engines. Just didn't really fit. You also spend too much time on the plane itself. Make your shots shorter, you don't want to bore your audience.

The city was nicely modeled but was woefully devoid of life. Where are the cars, the people, the trees etc? When the plane is flying away, you can even hear traffic sound effects but there is no traffic in the visuals. This creates a disconnect that brings me out of the film.

It looks like you bit off way more than you could chew. On the youtube page you said you had 6 months to make the film. A professional animator working alone like you were, wouldn't have been able to accomplish what you were trying to accomplish in the amount of time you had. You should have come up with a MUCH smaller story, something manageable for your skill level. Maybe something 1 minute long set in a single room with one or two characters. That way you could have detailed everything properly and had a more complete story. Trying to create a big city in 6 months was doomed to fail. We all want to create something epic but without a full team of people, it's not very easy. Your city felt unfinished as did a lot of things in the film and that's the last thing you want your audience to feel.

I hope you don't feel discouraged by this criticism. It's meant to be constructive. You obviously have potential in this industry but you have to work on projects that you can handle given the skill level you are at in that moment. As you get better then you can try bigger and better things but you have to crawl before you can walk. Keep at it, I think with time you will become quite good at this stuff!

I will say that for having only 12 hours of directed study in 3D, you did some very nice stuff, you just aimed a little too high. What you need to do now is take what lessons you learned from this short and apply them to your next one.

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