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View Full Version : Futuristic feature WIP- need feedback


raulgonzo
05-27-2010, 04:01 PM
Title says it all- I've been working on this for over 5 years. I'd love to hear what you guys think.

http://www.vimeo.com/12008213

PowderMonkey
05-29-2010, 02:47 PM
i'm just gonna say right up front: these are my thoughts. i know you've spent years of blood sweat and tears on this, and i'm not trying to pull that down or tear it to pieces. i haven't commented on the cg or effects, because i think what you have in there shows that you're capable.

i didn't feel drawn in enough. nothing reached out and grabbed my attention.
i also think the blocky pixellated text is a little hard to read, and i was only able to fully read the title because the video title on vimeo gave me enough hints to make it out. this would be less of a problem if the audio in the female's line at the start was cleaned up a bit - if possible, i'd re-record this line. i heard "welcome to [indistinguishable] city"

i think it looks nice, but i'd encourage you to think about the main story arc and how best to convey that over a series of shots.

watch some movie trailers, and in particular, have a look at this trailer for the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbGNcoB2Y4I

you don't have to take everything mentioned there as law, but it's a good rundown of why film trailers tend to work. what's particularly interesting about the hitchhiker's trailer is that it gives you a fairly good idea of the genre (sci-fi), tone of the film (comedy), and story arc, all while talking about something else entirely.

i think you have genre and tone nailed, but what's letting you down is the story arc.

if you've seen both mary poppins and the shining, i'd recommend looking at these re-cut film trailers:
mary poppins: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T5_0AGdFic
the shining:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfout_rgPSA

they are great examples of how taking select scenes from a film and putting them in a particular order leaves you with a distinct impression of what to expect from a film. it's really obvious if you've actually seen either of these films because you know where the scenes are actually taken from and what the films are actually about, so it's easy to see how these scenes build up a new and different story and tone.

after watching your trailer a second time, i'd suggest drawing the viewer in with the premise of immortality (who doesn't want that?), but reveal why the main character wants to die, and why he's being prohibited from doing so. it's clear that he doesn't want to live any longer, but it was never clear as to why he wanted that, or why he wasn't allowed to do that. without revealing why this is the case to the viewer, it doesn't leave the viewer much to identify with the character. you don't need to tell the whole story, but you do need enough to make it compelling.

i think your shots are well framed, and clearly communicate whats going on within them. i really like some of the concepts that you've got in there.

raulgonzo
05-29-2010, 04:37 PM
Thank you for such a well thought out critique. You have given me some food for thought. Those re-cut trailers were brilliant! I will have to explore what I might do to draw you in a bit more. I have about 3-6 months left until I am finished, so there is plenty of time.
Honestly, I haven't had such a constructive response online such as this. You have certainly validated some of my concerns.

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05-29-2010, 04:37 PM
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