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lauranonce
09-24-2008, 09:36 PM
Hi there!

I'm trying to finish this painting that was ordered few weeks ago..
It represents all the things that the guy that asked me to paint, has in common with his fiancè...
now, I'm not here to discuss on why there's a castle and a lighthouse or a dog and a princess.. but if all the elements are enough mixed and believable as for a tale illustration, if you know what I mean.
I wait for c&c
thanx for your attention.

Laura

http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/7272/enrico9hc5.jpg

CybrGfx
09-24-2008, 10:59 PM
I love the concept reasoning behind the piece!

As far as a believable composition, though, no. This looks really flat, and really amateur. You have all those cool elements stuck onto the canvas like one would place a sheet of stickers of "stuff we have in common."

This tells no story, because nothing intereracts beyond the fact that they all occupy the same picture plane.
To put it bluntly, this image has no point to it. The visual flow sticks on that bridge, even though everything else fights for attention and dominance. The colors are too plastic looking (especially the sky), and the values and lighting are all over the place, with no clear cohesion. When you add in the overly cartooninsh rendering of the moon, the princess, and clouds, contrasted with the beautifully rendered stream bed, bridge and stone path, and the willow tree, the confusion level basically explodes my head...http://smiley.onegreatguy.net/explosion.gif

You should take the list of stuff to your client, and ask them to priortized the top 5 items of importance, and then create a composition using those Top 5 as the foundation, with the all the rest then filling out the design. Resize and reposition this, so that things interact and intersect each other, rather than each item set out like a display on a table.

I see SO MUCH PROMISE in this piece. Truly. Just not with the layout you currently have. If you hadn't rendered that stream bed so beautifully, I would have just chalked this one up to "new to art," and hit my backbutton...So if you are heartset on this composition, ignore everything I've written.

~C

lauranonce
09-25-2008, 04:42 PM
thanx for your comment ;)
let me explain the request of the client: all the weird things you see must be in the drawing..:shrug: the things that I added are few: the willow, mushrooms, flowers.
so my difficulty is as you said in the composition because everything has a weight in the story,nothing can be deleted, but they are too different in size between them.
I agree on the cartoonish style that is different from some elements (stream bed, bridge and stone path) but it's also my style.. so I'll try to finish the shadows that i've not yet corrected, find a better colour palette and more depth ...but substantiallly the style will rest.
the scheduled time is almost finished :sad:

CybrGfx
09-25-2008, 05:26 PM
I said absolutely nothing about eliminating any object in this image.
I said everything is separate and not integrated into the image as a whole.
There is no UNITY to this piece. That is part of it not having any real Point to it.

And again, there has to be an "order" of priority here. You have everything from the list painted, but nothing is more important visually than anything else. That is what contributes to the flatness.

There is no "style" you are using the age-old "I can't draw very good, so I'll claim the poor skill level as my 'Style,' and no one will be the wiser." Uh-uh. You can't draw in perspective or in proper proportions, so it's cartoony.
It also speaks for itself. Your excuses merely confirm it.

To bad you don't have the time or interest in improving both this work and your "style."

~C

lauranonce
09-25-2008, 10:37 PM
maybe i misunderstood your words, my english is not perfect... but I'm not saying that i can't draw better or that this is the final result ..it's just a wip, but with short time because it's not for me, but for someone else.
the connection between each element is not possible to me more than this... i don't know the meaning of each element and I don't want to know it..I've just to represent them and trying to have a quite good result even if the subject is not felt by me.

i'd like to have more opinions

TrenchcoatPixie
09-26-2008, 06:51 AM
The composition here is bad. You need to start over.

I know that's like, the single most depressing thing to hear. But...it's an ugly image, and you should bail on it before waste any more time with it. Start over again, and come up with a story you want to tell with all the elements, and then arrange all the elements in accordance with that story in a way that respects perspective, scale, and value.

Can you give us the full list of things you need to include?

CybrGfx
09-26-2008, 11:23 AM
Maybe you are not understanding me.

Your composition is not doing your client (the someone else) any good. This is NOT a good composition. You have included the items they want, but you have everything laid out as if silverware on a table setting. There is no interaction, there is no flow, there is no movement. It just sits there.

I have NO problem with the items, it is the way you have arranged them that is visually bad.
You have this in WIP/Critique. It is assumed this is a WIP, and that is why I am telling you that the composition needs work!
Here is a paintover to show you.
ASK your client which items are most important. Give them priority in the image.
~C

lauranonce
10-01-2008, 04:42 PM
an update on the shadows and some major details
http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/495/enrico11il8.jpg

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