Illustration for retirement

[smasse]

I love the composition of the piece! Very dynamic, can't wait to see updates. Very original concept, too.

[Greenham]

I'm no golfer - and unless you are, you should do some serious research and reference-gathering - but his current pose looks as if he'd fall over (perhaps a premonition of death? How old is this professor? ;) )

Other than that, I'm very much a fan of your composition. I don't think, technically speaking, that the placement of the pages are correct if you consider the book's projectory and things like wind resistance. But it's not called artistic license for nothing.

[Sarford]

Thanks for your replies smasse and Greenham.

About the pose, I took a reference image for that, I did increased the articulation a bit to give it a bit more dynamic, to feel the swing so to speak. Did I overdo this?

[Greenham]

I think it's the fact that his front leg doesn't look connected to the body correctly. It's at an impossible angle when you consider the placement of his hips and how his back leg is positioned. I'd rotate it anti-clockwise more, so his toes are facing more towards the viewer.

[Sarford]

Thanks Greenham.

A little update. I made the pose a bit more dynamic, changed the aspectratio of the agenda, changed the heading of the photo and added some temporary grass. I'm not very happy with the tree line, but don't have a better solution for it right now.

crits welcome

http://www.blinq.net/pictures/KaartTest01C.jpg

[Aith]

Ah, I'm quite jealous of your great dynamics!!!

Maybe make the tree line a bit lighter, and the foreground objects a bit darker? The grass a bit darker as it gets to the foreground... And the man, so his face is not so tonally akin to the sky?
I do think it's a great idea! And your 3d stuff is quite good. Well, good luck!

[Tymotzues]

Great idea and well executed so far.

[Sarford]

Hi Amelia,
Thank you for your reply :) I changed the total tree line and they are lighter now. The face of the man is still a very early placeholder. I'm not very consistent with the overal detail level of the image I'm afraid. And thanks for the 3D compliment !!
I checked out your deviant page earlier today (coincidence), you got some nice stuff there, why don't you have a portfolio here? Also saw you are gonna study art abroad, I'm jealous :D

Hi Tymotzues,
Thanks man! I realy do hope it gets a LOT better then what it is now. I've done more illustrations for this client but always used 3D. This is the first time I make a 2D illustration in a painterly way, kind of an adventure so... ;)


Ok, I changed the background and I'm a bit happier with it now. Still have to fill in the lane to make it more 'golf' by adding a bunker here and there and maybe a golfcart, don't know. The proffessor is a bit smaler now to fit the perspective. The atmopsheric perspective might be a bit overdone but I'll see how it goes.

I think I'll take this as a startingpoint and begin working things out.

http://www.blinq.net/pictures/KaartTest01D.jpg

[Greenham]

I don't particularly like the way your new treeline draws the eye in and beyond your golfer. He is, after all, your feature. Although the image now looks deeper (less flat), I think you've lost the focus of the image. Just my opinion.

The golfer's stance still looks unstable to me, but I did a little hunting around using Google Image Search and from what I found, you're correct. That doesn't mean I have to think it looks natural, though. :)

Nice work so far.

[Aith]

I don't particularly like the way your new treeline draws the eye in and beyond your golfer. He is, after all, your feature. Although the image now looks deeper (less flat), I think you've lost the focus of the image. Just my opinion.

The golfer's stance still looks unstable to me, but I did a little hunting around using Google Image Search and from what I found, you're correct. That doesn't mean I have to think it looks natural, though. :)

Nice work so far.

Hmmmm I'm not too sure about that, I love the new tree line, and the pose. But maybe I'm too easy to please! And thanks Sarford!

[Sarford]

Here is an update. I've had conciderable trouble with painting foliage. After many atempts I came up with this which is satisfactory for this image, it has to be couse I can't do better yet.

Now I see the previous version it seems I totaly ruined the treeline. It also destroys the perspective :( I'll have to redo the trees, at least it will give me more practice...

http://www.blinq.net/pictures/KaartTest01E.jpg

[Sarford]

I reworked the treeline and I'm happier with it now. Working on the stumps now. I might do some additional tweeking to the trees once I near completion.

Any comments or crits?

http://www.blinq.net/pictures/KaartTest01F.jpg

[Sarford]

A small update today, I didn't have much time to paint. Been putting in the grass and the tree shadows, both still need a bit of work, especialy the grass.

http://www.blinq.net/pictures/KaartTest01G.jpg

[stuh505]

Sarford,

I have to be honest...I think it's getting much worse compositionally. The tree line in the original was not bad...if you were to change it, I would have suggested keeping the right side as is and making the left side go away from the camera more instead of toward it.

The biggest loss is that I feel the excellent dynamics of the pages have been lost since the original concept you drew. The pages look a lot less fluttery now, and there are less of them.

I do think that the stance of the golfer is an improvement, although you might want to cartoonize his face a little more..maybe make him smiling or something. he looks like hes gonna die

[Sarford]

Hi stuh505, thanks for your frank remarks. Seems opinions are devided on the tree line, some like it some don't. I personaly think this one is better couse it gives more depth to the image. The old one was too much a cardboard setpiece to me. So I think I'll stick to this one.

About the pages, that is my fault. They are still part of the concept, its just that I don't turn every layer on when making a preview images. The loose pages will be in the final images. The agenda will get an overhaul too, it is much too static now.

Making the character smile is a good idear. Its gonna be a little smile couse the professor isn't of the broad-smiling types. Good point.

Everything that is in black and white now will be in color in the final image...

Thanks for the remarks stuh505

[Sarford]

A little update again.

I've worked on the grass but I haven't found a satisfied technique yet, more experimenting tomorow. In the most far away hill there is gonna be a bunker to emphasise a golf course.

I added the suit and the head. I tried to add some reflected light from the grass. The professor is smiling yet you can't see it in this size. Maybe you also can't see it in the final print, don't know, maybe its too small. There is a close-up of the head attatched (screen shot).

Deadline is comming up so say what you have to say or forever hold your pease... well, not realy, I still have a day or two but if you have pressing matter, better come out with it. :D

http://www.blinq.net/pictures/KaartTest01H.jpg

[Sarford]

working on the agenda now. I'm not realy satisfied with it, I might totaly redo it but maybe it just needs a bit more work. Grass and professor are still in progress.

http://www.blinq.net/pictures/KaartTest01I.jpg

[stuh505]

Hey Starford, that's coming along well. What did you use to create the gradients in the pages -- illustrator or 3d? I think it was a good idea for getting the base shading down, but they really stand out as looking artificial now. You definitely need to dirty them up somehow to give a more natural feel. I would suggest taking out a book, putting it into a similar position, and then basically redrawing by hand over it..then blend that in somehow with the "clean" layer underneath. The two smaller pieces of paper look good being clean, though.

My favorite part is the man's suit, I think you nailed that. His expression is improved-- instead of looking like he was going to get a heart attack, he now just looks a bit serious..but how about carefree? After all, given the context..

The trees in the foreground need some work. It's close enough that the first couple trees should have a lot more detail in the leaves and trunk. It can't be hard to find a good photo reference for that. The angle of the trunk meeting the ground makes it look like the tree is not perpendicular to the ground.

The sky could use clouds, the far-grass could use more shading and texture. You should change the direction of the shadows on the trees so that they protrude into the field. The grass in the foreground looks far too uniform.

[JM-art]

Hi sarford, i think that this composition is Realy unbalanced.....you have the foreground trees in the same side of the agenda, so you are having all the weight of the compo on one side, wich is bad. Another thing i see is that the trees are too close to the viewer in general, so they are making the space to look closed, more than open, wich could be better for this kind of environment.

On the other hand the idea is realy nice;).

Cheers.

[stuh505]

Hi sarford, i think that this composition is Realy unbalanced.....you have the foreground trees in the same side of the agenda, so you are having all the weight of the compo on one side, wich is bad. Another thing i see is that the trees are too close to the viewer in general, so they are making the space to look closed, more than open, wich could be better for this kind of environment.

On the other hand the idea is realy nice;).

Cheers.

yup, I thought the same...honestly the treeline was better originally. but i think hes on a really tight deadline now!

[Sarford]

Hi Stuh505 and JMART, Thanks for your replies and concerns. I don't think the picture is gonna be imbalanced though. There still is gonna be a hole in the foreground, and that together with the man being in the blue suit I think it will put in enough weight to counter balance the trees on the left.

The treeline itself is a continuing point of discussion :P. Some like it, some don't.

Stuh505, you are right, detailing the most close trees would be better.... only, I don't know how to do that. It took me quite some experimentation to be able to paint the trees the way they are :D

The grass is kind of final in this version. I also not sure about the bunker in the background. I'll give it a try if I have some time left tomorrow.

The man is smiling only you can't see it becouse of the small size. I'm gonna leave it as it is now, the image will be printed on a press and I want to see how it comes out, being that the resolution of a press is much higher than that of the screen.


Comming to a close... Still need to do some work on the agenda and the hole in the foreground. Maybe some clouds in the sky and a bunker in the background.

http://www.blinq.net/pictures/KaartTest01J.jpg

[Sarford]

Well... deadline has come up and I'm calling this image finished. I'll be posting the result in the 2D finished forum. Thank you all for your helpfull insights and comments.

[stuh505]

Hey Sanford,

I really like that shadow you added..it looks so real. The guy himself is very impressive.
You say the piece is done...oh well, here is a quick paintover to show what I was going for. You say you don't know how to do trees more detailed...I don't believe you!


http://img67.imageshack.us/my.php?image=paintoverpi3.jpg

[Sarford]

Hi Stuh505,

Thanks for the paintover, the trees look very good! The book is also nice. Stil, I'm very satisfied with my resul too :D. Thanks for following this thread and your remarks man.

[CGTalk Moderation]

This thread has been automatically closed as it remained inactive for 12 months. If you wish to continue the discussion, please create a new thread in the appropriate forum.