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semprong
05-06-2007, 02:40 PM
Hi,

here's my first animation short that ever fully rendered and finished. Please hv a look and tell me what u guys think.

http://img150.imageshack.us/img150/3411/short01hh9.jpg

On my blog:
http://soktoy.blogspot.com
U can watch on from there, or download it first from provided link. It's quicktime sorenson3. filesize about 1.5mg.

or directly on youTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDs9wwg1s78

or direct download link, same qt mov file, sorenson3, 1.5meg:
here (http://gudangupload.com/filelink.php?filecode=ee017db1e3267d0de7857ac61ffc40279dea098253497f3f2fe1a0329e9cde65)

Thanx

semprong
05-07-2007, 05:20 PM
hmm... anyone???

Banshax
05-07-2007, 09:50 PM
Charming short film.
Kudos for not trying to make a 3 feature long movie epic.
Its quite hard to make a good story with a clear focus.

Pleasing render, char design and and pace.
As a suggestion for the next time consider breaking
the mundaine a bit more. Make the drunk extra drunk.
Have the cleanup guy be extra angry.

A good system used everywhere is
setup and payoff. Use it well and it`ll make your
work stronger.

Your current setup and pay of is
our expectation and you did it well. We, the viewers,
are quite surprised he doesnt even throw the can in the bin,
the pay off however isnt quite as clear. Sure we make a logical
connection that the cleanup guy aint happy. A stronger way would
be an emotional reason for the cleanup guy to be angry. Make us sympathise
with either character. Ofcourse, thats for next time. As i said, good job man

semprong
05-08-2007, 09:23 AM
thanx man,

thats a good point mentioning to emphasize more of the action, like make the cleanup man angrier, and drunker. Why i didnt think about that b4. Thanx again man for the crits, appreciate it a lot.

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