VFS animated short Squishy - Dongkun Yoon

[imamog]

Hi Dongkun,

Good timing thus far. Here's a couple of suggestions that might help the animation:
1) When he's barfing, you gotta make it more violent. He needs to be spasming/shaking with his whole body. It looks a little casual right now.
2) When he falls back onto the couch, you might have him go really slow. If you've ever been in this position before, you know that if you move really quickly after barfing, you can easily get nauseous again. You could even remove the second barf and start his recline at this point. Then when he gets pissed at the bird, there will be more contrast in motion.
3) When he gets hit by the car, his in-air rotations don't make sense. He starts off rotating backwards, then seems to reverse direction. You might just have him rotate in a back flip direction only. I think it will still make sense when he hits the street.

Good Luck.

Justin

[jigsawe]

hi, thanks for the critiques. I totally agree with the mid air rotation. That shot was bugging since the begining. I'll be definatly fixing that.

[BelieverDeceiver]

Lookin good Don! Keep rockin it!

[Trident19]

Hi Dongkun

Looks great, intersting style you got. Only thing that bothers me is the change of momentum up in mid air after car hits him. Also the anticipation before the impact seems over done.

Excellent work overall, love the homeless slap.

Trident

[jigsawe]

thanks for the critiques. which part do u mean by the anticipation before the impact? not sure which one ur talking about there.

[jigsawe]

updated

http://student.vfs.com/~fd12dongkun/Sequence%2001.mov (50megs. server might be slow)

[Trident19]

Hi Dongkun.

I like the changes you've done. Just a couple of comments, 1st is the flight of the bird when he first escapes the cage. I like it's path only thing that's bothering me is how he is perfectly horizontal when he is making that sharp turn. I suggest you try a suttle rotation of maybe 5 or 10% to see how that looks.
Also you have close up shot on your character after he hits the homeless guy, you have a gear change from angry to evilish smile, that shift seems a little too fast for me.

You've got a great looking reel, keep up the good work.

Cheers
Trident

[TechnicallyArtistic]

My comments are more on your pose choices here, if story telling is your goal through your animation. Which apears to be your goal if you're making something this detailed. So i would urge you to think of your characters modivations and how it affects him. Ok, I get throuhg the pictures it's some girls bird. We'll asume girlfriend from that last picture, though he doesn't look too happy with her in the first. Aparently he's hung over from something, just wants to rest in peace and quite and the bird is driving him nuts right now. He throws the apple at the bird to get it to shut up, and it flies out the window.

Ok, i'm with you up to there. So the bird that he hates flies away, and then he goes after it... Why? I'm going to asume that he's still with his girlfriend and needs the bird back to not upset her, yet then he breaks out of his apartment and chases the bird with a look like he wants to kill it and eat it. So if that's your goal, is he a hero character or a villan character? I would asume hero character if here's this bird he hates, and he's so completely hung over it hurts, but he'll get out in his underware and chase after the stupid thing because he cares about her so much. And then he gets hit by a car, and you just got your audience caring about him some, and then you kill him right when he's sucsessful in his goal? You're audience isn't emotionaly with you any more at that point.

Ok, lets asume a different route. That mess on the table is suposed to sugest a break up of some kind. Maybe something like a ring left there to sugest this better. Maybe a reaction shot of him to the photos again in his emotional distraught or distaine for this person now. And there's this bird he hates, still in his house. He throws the apple and the stupid thing gets out and flys away. Again, why go after it? Maybe it lands on the window taunting him? maybe it's right outside still driving him nuts and he cant take it any more and he goes after it then? Again nothing in your acting sugest that. he kinda reminds me of gollum the way he goes after it right now. So maybe his goal is to capture it and kill it. In that case I can see the audience on your side when you kill him. Here is karma coming back at him for trying to kill this pour bird.

But in either direction, I don't see your characters modivation. What drives him to go after the bird.

I would also sugest following the forumla of fortunatly/unfortunatly.
Example.
Unfortunatly, I'm hung over.
Fortunatly I can rest here and recove.
Unfortunatly the bird wont shut up and it's killing my head.
Fortunatly I have an apple here to throw at it to get it to shut up.
Unfortunatly that opened the cage and the bird flew away.
Fortunatly I always hated the thing and I'm happy it's gone.
Unfortunatly my girlfriend loves the thing and I need it back here.
Fortunatly I can run after it and try to capture it.
Unfortunatly I'm aparently still drunk.
Fortunatly it's sitting right there on the parking metter.
Unfortunatly I forgot birds can fly, and I'm still drunk.

You get the pattren. And for each one of those steps you need to demonstraight what he's thinking, what he's feeling and what he's doing. From what you have now an example of the acting you have sugests "I hear the bird chriping, that makes me angery", *chuck apple*. What I'd like to see is something more in depth for the audience, like "God, I feel like crap. Lets just lay down and hope this gets better... Oh god, and the bird wont shut up. that cherpping is killing my head... You stupid bird, why Can't YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?!?" *chuck apple* At least there you have some kind of build up to the feeling. Through the animation you can comunicate those ideas and take your audience into that feeling with you.
As far as cretiquing your aniamtion, that is the big place I'd start if you want people to stop and take notice of you're work. They're going to be looking at the choices you made and want to know why you made them. As well, the motion needs to be good. But I sugest your modivation for your actions is there before good motion.

Also, a slight continuity note, you had a window inside your room that the bird flew out, but the window isn't on the outside of the building. Could confuse you're audience. Unless those are two seperate doors, which you might want to sugest with a stareway or hall way or something. Or, if that is suposed to be a different door, you may want to adjust your animation to show better the turning of a corner. The way you've shot it with the timming and the placement of the doors, and the direction he exits and enters, it gives the impresion of being the same door.

[jigsawe]

thanks for the comments Sean. Although i think its too late to go back and do major changes in the animation, those were really good comments.

yes, i had trouble with showing the motivation of the guy chasing the bird.
the back story was that that bird was his girlfriends, and they just had a bad fight. His girlfriend loves the bird, but the guy isnt so fond of it. the bird annoys him, and even tho he doesnt like the bird , he has to go chase it cuz its the last thing of his girlfriends that he has.
I was trying to show that in the shot where the bird escapes and he sighs and looks at the picture. I was working on that part till the very end, i guess still needs some work.

THanks for the comments, they were very helpful and will come handy in the future.

[thedaemon]

Evil the Cat: work on your spelling.

Now, the animation I really enjoyed. It even made me laugh a few times. I see few flaws in it other than what was previously stated. Great stuff. Keep us updated.

[TechnicallyArtistic]

In that case, here are a couple suggestions to improve on what you already have.
On the set up shot of the table. I suggest a ring tossed on the table. Maybe even still in its box to sell the idea more. Maybe break the glass on that last picture of the two of them to suggest the fight better.

When he's reaching for the garbage can to throw up, you have his head go back. I would send that motion through his whole body. So head and shoulders roll back belly forward in anticipation and then everything rolls forward over into the can like a sine wave going through him.

Maybe emphasize the drop of the can a little more. Like he holds it out thinking am I done? Yeah, I'm done, and then drops it. Something about the way it falls out of screen right now seems kinda glitchy. I can't put my finger on just what seems wrong with it though.

When he puts he hand of his face maybe emphasize the drag a little by lowering the eyelid and the jaw as the hand moves down to show its drag on the skin. The action there seems stiff because the arm is about the only thing moving. Maybe see if you can add a little counter action across the body as his arm moves. Just so it doesn't look so plastic.

The animation on the bird is good. Nice quick little motions.

When he reacts to the bird chirping the clenched fists in sudden anger and annoyance seems like kind of a sudden educed rage. I still think you need another look or so on the face to show the build up. A look like my head is killing me, the transition in his face that shows him thinking about how annoying the sound is and how much he hates that bird to the point where he's angry enough to throw the apple. I really can't think of any incident where I've ever seen somebody make a motion like that without build up to it. And this could be done with like two more second of animation in before that look. Maybe even just bringing his hands up to his head to cover his ears, hold his temples, cover his eyes in frustration first.

This next note is on leading the eye. Not as important for TV as in film where you have a greater range for the eye to cover. (If you haven't done this before, point your finger at where you want your audience to be looking and see how much it moves between cuts or between actions) You have the bird fly out of the cage to the right. Then cut and it flies off to the left. Now this can work if you're directing the eye to where the bird will be in the next shot. What I would suggest to keep continuity up is have the bird hop onto the opening of the cage door and look around for a moment. Cut your shot, and then the bird flies off out through the window in the next shot. When the bird flies off it should be positioned in a way that it was right where the audience was looking before the cut. Right now you have him fly off right mid screen, and then fly in screen on the bottom right of the screen pretty low, and out towards the left. It works, but it's not the best eye direction.

Back to the looks on his face after the bird flies off. You can keep most of it, but I'd say tweak the facial poses at least so we get that idea of what he's thinking, feeling and doing. Remember that fortunately unfortunately formula. Is it fortunately the bird is gone, I can rest now, unfortunately my girlfriend is going to want it back and I have to get it. How do you suggest these with looks?
I think part of the problem is that even if he's contemplating the idea, he's looking the same direction the whole time, so it becomes a little harder to show that thought process and the change to realization. I might suggest having him lean back with a bit of relief that the bird is gone, close his eyes relaxing for a moment, and then boom. We see him realize my girlfriend’s bird just flew out the window. Eyes pop open, mouth opens slightly. He then kind of sits up thinking about it more. Looks down at the picture to remind the audience where his mental track is going. Ok, he's just remembered something important, what is it? Oh yeah. His girlfriend loves the bird. What is he going to do? We cut back to him with the realization look still as he transitions into maybe a reluctant resistant look of yeah I need to go get this thing. Maybe by a bit of a sigh, he slunks down a little and turns his head a bit, then gets up pissed off that he has to go after this thing.
A note too on the animation here, right when he gets up off the couch, it pops a little. The hand position is one of the last things that catches my eye as he exits the frame too, and his hand seems to be kinda in a gnarled position. Is that supposed to be a first, or was that just an in-between transition pose? I would just see about finding a more natural pose because it's the last thing you see as he exits the shot and the eye goes right to it.

When he exits out onto the street, first off I might resize your door a little. It's an odd sized door, kinda wide. Also when he walks out, he looks like he's ready to lunge and pounce like an animal. I would suggest a different pose her. You've lost your set up of a guy tired and sick with a hang over or cold here. It's like he's suddenly reenergized with rage and in kill/hunt mode. Wouldn't he be tired? Reluctant at all to go after this thing? Is he so drunk and hung over that he doesn't realize or care he's out in public with just his underwear one? Or is it he's so focused on getting the bird back he just hasn't thought about it? I might try him walking out more upright, but hunched over. Somewhere between I just woke up and feel like crap kind of pose, but combined with that bit of panic in him that he needs the bird back. I'd keep the door slam. It shows he's not happy about getting the bird. But the pose he's in says to me "must... kill... bird..."

The anticipation and reaction to him looking for the bird and finding it are good and clear.

As he walks into the post I think the leg up in the air in front of him throws me off a bit as he's falling from the hit. He dived with both legs back, hit his head, the recoil knocks his head back and one of his legs completely forward but not the other? I could maybe see that if he was in mid step, but he committed both legs to lunging. If you want to bring the legs forward. I would try greater recoil in the head from the bounce. So he hits, his head goes back. Even up farther to suggest the greatness of the impact. His hips keep going forward and then his legs follow, and in this way his body kind of spins from the hit. What you have now the shift in the amount of energy from the jump doesn't make sense nor does the transfer of that energy through his body. The drag on his arms too. They go back like he's throwing him self back. Not dragging behind the body like the impact and recoil from the head is bringing them along. To emphasize the hit more, it looks like you have maybe a frame or two of him actually making contact with the meter. In motion it looks like he hardly touched it. Extend the impact. Maybe he hits it head forward and as his body moves forward, into him, it pushes his face sideways into it. You hit anything solid and it takes a moment for the force to build up in your own body before it recoils. He's not a ridged object. His body can absorb a bit of the shock which you would see happen in the face and neck.

I like the motion of him pulling himself up to the meter. Only thing I might suggest here is a second where he looks and the meter and realizes what he hit and the bird isn't there.

On the next shot when he's up and he looks angry and goes after the bird, I might change your angry pose. I really don't know what that pose is. Yeah, it kinda does anger. But is he holding his fist back like he really wants to throw a punch? Is this anger in frustration at the bird? If it is I might try maybe both hands kind of in front of him shaking, elbows in closer to the body, back kind of hunched in at the motion. A look of WHY are you doing this to me? I hate you so much!

On the trip, your background is confusing. You've just shown him get up by the meter and there's nobody else in the shot. We have the pink building with the drain pipe and the dumpster in the background there. We cut a shot to show him walking down the street with the grey building. and then cut back to a side shot of him tripping back in front of the pink building. So first off you're shot of him walking by the grey building makes it look like he's traveled a certain distance and then the next cut seems to pull him back from where he was. He's hardly taken a step and he's now just tripped over a homeless guy that wasn't there before? You might want to tweak your background some to solve to continuity issue. I also wonder if the cut back to the side shot is necessary really. It seems like you have more camera cuts than needed to tell what’s going on.

On the smack of the homeless guy, is your goal to make this guy a total rage educed dick that doesn't care about anything? Yeah, he tripped over a homeless guy... So he bitch slaps the homeless guy just for being there? Again, I might try showing that build up of rage. Like he trips, looks around like what was that? ARG! I just can't win! Why is this happening to me?!? And in that moment of rage and frustration he then hits the bum. Also maybe have the bum laugh at him for tripping. It helps to give reason to the reaction.

The slap it's self works. What bugs me is the reaction of the homeless guy. Is he dead? No reaction to a guy about to hit him. And what. He's knocked out from a slap after that? Some reaction from him would be nice. With the amount of movement and reaction the homeless guy has, it might as well be a flour sack he tripped over.

When he leaps after the bird the jump is a little floaty. Might be the hang time, but I'm guessing it more just the lack of motion in the legs. Something about when he does the back step to gain his balance again, he arms seem a little off place. Like he's throwing his arms back to stand up right again, but they might be there too long is the issue. Not sure, but the sense of balance doesn't feel right in that moment.

One last suggestion is just the look he has when he finally gets the bird. I would go the direction of this guy has just lost it. He's way too excited to have caught the bird and you can see the mental break down by the way he's laughing and enjoying it manically. I think the look he has on his face for being about to be hit by a car is too relieved and too relatable of a look. The look on him too when the car honks, it’s like he knows what is about to happen. I might go with a look that keeps him in that maniacal laughter moment but just that second where you can see his brain shift to "what was that?" Just sort of that semi-curious pause, but still stuck in his moment.

Hope you don't feel like I'm picking you apart her. This all has great potential and you're totally going on the right track. This is just the stuff to start to help take you to the next level. So you are doing great so far. Just keep it up.

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