Story Help Needed!

[SirRon]

Sounds decent enough, though the idea that he remembers something when he was a kid doesn't sound like it'll work. But then again there's still a number of things that haven't been fleshed out, like what's his relationship with the scientist, so it could work. But from you have I don't think so.

So in a simple sentence; scientist want to destroy the US and it's up to one man to stop him.

Good luck with the production :thumbsup:

[srproductions]

Yeah, I kinda just through that up in the air to make the plot a little more interesting. The past relations with the detective and the scientist. What I did think would be cool though is if he was the ONLY one who could stop it because of something that happened earlier on, not necessarily whemn he was a kid. Any suggestions on that? I was thinking about National Treasure, and how if Ben hadn't known/completed phase 1, he couldn't have gotten the treasure. something along thos lines. Also, do you have any ideas for what this dude is making? Don't really want to recreate Mission Impossible 2. Something unique. Thanks for your help.

[PerryDS]

.... one of the detective's relatives mysteriously vanishes... The detective discovers that they worked at this facility this scientist operates out of... obviously they knew something they shouldn't have.

[AngelDream]

The scientist, Dr. Mader, turns out to be Detective Luc's father!!

Luc, I am your father!
Are you with me or against me? (no wait, that wasn't just Vader, GWB also said that)

[zsutton]

What if the weapon he created was an Über powerful satellite that scrambled all radio/satelitte/cellular transmissions on earth only to redirect the communications of the US military straight into the hands of every other major country in the world......which would obviously render all US military communications 'useless' given their intel and info would be available to every evil power in the world.






or sharks with laser beams attached to their friggin' heads...lol jk on that one;)

[treehousehong]

i think, within 20 minute it will be too complicated to put complex relationship between them two. and your focus is on action, so most of your scenes will be made up of exciting chases right?
my suggestion: the detactive got some habit like smoking that gets exstablish at the start. maybe he threw the butt at the crime scene and burn down the whole house revealing. gasp..the weapon underground!!

[AngelDream]

I think that in the way you set up your story, you should keep findin out new stuff. For example, ok, the scientist wants to destroy US, but for who? it's for the president!! (call it bush, kerry or morgan freeman in deep impact) Why? 'cause he thinks US are so twisted and perverted they deserve to die and that the world will be better without it. In your film, that could be the reason about why the president decides to return all military forces to US. Of course, we need to discover a little more. Detective, please? The president has the help of this detective... oh, wait you want him to be a good guy? again, president has his help because he kidnapped his brother. Of course, you would say, how can the president do all this by himself? He doesn't, you already said that the scientist is multimillionaire. The president will be there to open doors to him. I would like an ending like Terminator 3. In the end, the president kills the detective brother and detective himself telling him that he sold his country for his brother, and that in a true patriot, US comes first. US is destroyed, end of story. Just like T3.

[victor throe]

if i may...

there is something fundamentally wrong with your approach to narrative

I am trying to write a 20-30 minute action/adventure film

action/adventure is not an idea. if you are serious about trying to create something which will glue the audience to the screen then you need to start from a different angle. and if that idea ends up being a romance or comedy completely devoid of special effects then so be it. but at least be honest with yourself. if you want to provide the audience with a shallow demonstrations of your CG skills, then dont bore them for 30 minutes. make it a compact to the point short or even a trailer for a longer piece.

inspiration for stories are all around you. the old lady walking up the street carrying 11 bags of heavy shopping. where is she going? whats in the bags? you have seen her around, she lives alone....why 11 bags of grocery? maybe she lives with a mysterious never seen lodger? what if she owns 200 cats? what if she is secretly digging a bunker? or building a space ship?

story creation is the art of observing something familiar, something your audience can relate to and asking 'what if'

[deanEkko]

It might add more tension and suspense to your narrative if the audience doesn't actually know what the weapon is. We don't need to see some diabolical machine or hear detailed plans, if we are shown that there is some credible threat, I think that would be enough.

Perhaps the detective is a spy from another country and has been trying to gain access to steal the plans of the scientist. When the scientist is 'kidnapped' the detective is one of the few that has the ability to find him/her.

Just a word of advice, try not to make it the same old story that is rehashed over and over. Add a little more sophistication to the story. Tension can be as thrilling as lots of sfx and keep you on the edge of the seat.

Good luck!

[RadicalDreaming]

. Maybe something happened when he was a kid, and when he sees something in the scientists lab, he remebers what happened a long time ago. I don't know.

this realy sounds cliché, and would realy add a cheezy effect to your viewers stomach, the rest of the story is nice, altho abit like an old James Bond movie mixed with the usual 'the world is in danger by super mega weapon'


but you could give the story a go, especialy since your focusing on CG elements.
but why not do something surreal and realy get ur CGI working to your advantage,
like: An Psychological Thriller, something about a certain person who cant seperate his dreams from the real world, and use surreal fights (matrix/Swords/guns/martial-artsy like), just an example

[Nemo1975]

It sounds like you have parts of the story very clear, but other parts are still developping and changing as you go along. I've had the same problem and found help in a book: The Foundation Of Screenwriting by Syd Field.
It helped me to finish a story when I only had just a few specific sequences that I absolutely wanted to include.

It's a very practicle book that explains the basic structure of a scenario and how you can evolve your story. It doesn't matter what kind of story it is, so it can be used for any kind of project.

I still have some images (4) explaining the structure of scenarios and how the subject-character relationships work well in a nutshell. If you're interested, I'll send them to your email.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

[bugzilla]

It seems like you have a good grasp on the plot, but I haven't heard you talk about why you are writing this story. What are you trying to say with it? If you are writing something that is all plot and no action then subcosciously the audience will feel that the film is empty. What are the moral choices that the characters must make? Go back to some classic films and describe them both as plot and meaning. For example, Casablanca's plot is about a casino owner whose life is changed when the woman he loved and lost shows up as the wife of an important nazi resistance leader. The meaning is a lost man who finds something more important than himself through self sacrifice (letting the woman he loves go). It might sound high and mighty, but if a film doesn't have a meaning beyond the plot it is going to be missing something.

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