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TomStackpole
10-09-2006, 08:12 PM
Jake Dyson's Big Move is an animation I've been working on, on and off, for the past year or so. It features a fellow that's in the middle of a move and then discovers that he's been found by some people he'd rather avoid.

I haven't actually done a final render yet, so any comments or critiques would be appreciated. I also need to start looking for a job, so any suggestions for which parts should or shouldn't end up on my demo reel would also be appreciated. The other animations I might put on there, along with this one, are on YouTube, under my name.

Jake Dyson's Big Move: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BY5Nhfhk0RQ

http://www2.mfaca.sva.edu/%7Ethomas/misc/JDBM_TitleGraphic.gif

Thanks!

Tom Stackpole

som3d59
10-15-2006, 09:36 PM
It's quite interesting and cool piece. I really like the style of comic book and the mood you create. Eventhough it's not a final render yet, but it seems pretty close getting there to me. Good choice of music and aspect of story too. I think it suits you style of animation....mixing of a bit realistic and cartooney. Just the last part (after he smash the frame and land down), looks a bit off for me. I see the knee pop while he jump and I think his bone offset when he land may be a bit too much. But overall it's a very creative work, well done! :thumbsup:

TomStackpole
10-16-2006, 06:22 PM
Thanks for taking a look and watching the whole thing. As I look at it now it seems that it drags in some places and I'll probably try and fix that before doing a final render.

PureMoxi
10-17-2006, 11:56 AM
Interesting concept and editing style. I don't know if you call it comic book editing or what but I like the shifting frame.

The use of the graffiti was a great way of closing him in and adding visual variety and emotional variance.

In terms of animation, aside from the popping knees as mentioned earlier in the post, the part that bothers me is in the beginning when his friend or family is talking in the distance while he is holding the box and preparing to lift. I feel like his facial gestures/poses are bit muddled (until his friend asks him "[if he might be leaving something behind]" ) and could be more clean. I don't necessarily understand what he is thinking unless I listen to what the narrator is saying as well as the family/friend guy and draw my own conclusions...all these vocal elements are important but I would like to get a clean read on him, visually, as it feels a little ambivalent at that point...

Additionally, the posing and action seem a bit unclear between the point when the narrator says the word "learn" and the phrase "...that is was possible". I don't know what that bending over pose means and then the breath. My best guess is that he is curious to learn and takes a breath as if begrudgingly deciding to look over the edge? If so, I think that posing and action could be pushed a bit further.

Overall, it is visually unique and I like the curious narration...

TomStackpole
10-21-2006, 06:26 AM
PureMoxi: I'm going to work on the parts you mentioned. I think you're right that the actions and thoughts of the character are unclear and I think that's actually one of the main reasons those sections seem to drag to me now. The viewer just ends up thinking about the animation and the artifice instead of the things they're supposed to be depicting.

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