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jeferichardson
01-28-2003, 06:17 AM
Found it here http://www.henninger.com/richmond/bob/FavQuo.html

Below, you will find a collection of comical (sometimes frustating) comments during editing/FX sessions. It's all in good fun. I hestitated showing them to a client, but they laughed and it's now a joke. They always ask, when they think they've said something goofy, "Is that going on your favorite client quotes!" Thanks to all who submitted.



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Client: "I figured you could just pull a difference matte??!!."
Flame Artist: "Thats not really possible."
Client: "I know, but can you do it anyway ?"

While discussing a CUT, the client remarks, "Could you make that
transition a little faster?"

ONE LINERS??
Client: "I don't know...perhaps it needs a bit more...integrity?".
Client: "Id like the cheesecake effect"?????
Client: "Oh...that's perfect....but......."
Client: "I'd like a slowdown speeded up kind of effect"
Client: "could I see it with a bit more magic"
Client: "I want to be original, you know, like we saw on that director?s reel"
Producer: 'I want the :30 promo to look Mordern but yet Classical'.
CREATIVE director: How do you expect me to visualize it when I can't see it?
Client: "I don't need an EDL, I have the numbers in my head"
Client: "How many frames to a second?"
Client: "This should really go fast once we get past the open"
Art dir: I can't really explain it in words, but I'll know it when I see it.
client: "I only want to change the product background"
Client : can you make that shinier yet duller ?
Client : can we have that faster but slower?
Client: "Do I have to pay for when I think?"


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Producer says to client: "Yeah, it's going great!"
Producer says to me: "Is anybody in after us"

I once rotated the color wheel ONE degree and then back to
zero again to have a client exclaim exhuberantly, "THAT'S IT!!!"

Client: "Which image will I have on tape, the TV monitor image or the Flame screen image?"
Me : "It will look like more the TV monitor image"
Client : "Well, I want the Flame screen image."

Producer: 'Could you make this video piece more organic'
Artists: 'Sure I can start planting Sunflowers around the ONYX'

client looks at a shot of man walking towards camera and says,
"That would make a great end shot, can you just flip him in the DVE
so he's walking away?". The sad thing was, he was serious!

(overheard during session) "We need to come up with a really original idea for this next project. Do we have any director's reels we can look at this afternoon?"

Then there's the ever-popular "Do you have a list of effects the Flame can do?"

I've heard this one a couple of times..."I don't know if it's the best way to do it, but I just wanted to use Flame."

Client: "I need to create a :30 spot, by the way how much do you charge for 30 seconds of studio time anyway?"

caller: I'm looking for a job as an animator.
me: We're not hiring now, but send us your demo reel and...
caller: What's a demo reel?

copy writer: Can we please just hear it without the picture?

caller: Are you hiring any animators?
me: Not right now.
caller: Well I took this computer class and I really want to be an animator...


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visitor: My little nephew would love this- he makes movies on his computer,too.

On doing some paintbox revisions, I showed the client before and after images.
He says, "That looks great!," referring to the before image.

Client: "No, i don't have much budget, but it could look really cool
and would be great on your demo reel"

Client: (during composite session) "yeah, my mac can do that"
me: "well, why didn't you do it on your mac?"
Client: "are you kidding, it would take forever!!"

Client " I would like to put a special effect here now"
Me " What sort of special effect"
Client " A VERY special effect !"

post production supervisor points at the case of a D1 tape and says: "hey, jorge, is that your briefcase? it looks really cool..."

"Move it a pixel. Can you move it half a pixel? OK, perfect! Now split the difference."

Client: How long did it take you to learn where to tap your pen on the tablet?

Client: I want to do an open just like Entertainment Tonight?And I have a pretty good budget so we should be able to really kick some ass.
Me: Fantastic, when do you need it by?
Client: oh, I don?t know, a couple of days?Take your time.
Me: u-huh?and how much was you budget?
Client: $1,500 but I could go to $2000 if you come up with a really cool idea.
Me: u-huh?.


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client: How long will it take you to change this?
artist: Change it to what?
client: I don't know...

Client: can you move that logo?
Me: like this?
Client: I little bit more?
Me: [UNDO]
Client: That's it!!!

(traditional animators)
on viewing a Leica (animatic, sort of) client.."Its a bit jerky...."
on viewing a line test client..."I thought you were going to do it in colour"
on viewing the final film, client.. "could you just try that shot from a different angle"

(client to sales rep:)
"I shouldn't have to pay for the whole session. I wasn't there most of the time, when I was there I wasn't paying attention, and when I saw it I didn't like it."

The definition of an agency Creative Director....
The guy who has all the director's reels in his office!

Me: Your spot is too long. It's almost 31 seconds and it has to be 30 to air.
Client: Well, they wouldn't just cut it off, would they?

While editing a news package....
from the producer, "Just pick out a soundbite, any soundbite."

While editing a locked camera shot.
client: "Can you just tilt down so that we can see the rest of the shot"
me: "But there is no shot below this point... you shot it cropped from here!"
client: Yes I know, but can't you tilt down so I can see the rest of the shot.
me: "What shot? It was shot like this, there is black below this."
me: (I pull the image up showing the black border.) "See what I mean!"
client: "ok can't you recreate the bottom... I thought this machine can do
everything!"
me: "Well I could recreate the bottom but it will take some time."
client: "Isn't there a button that automatically does it for you"

"Can you focus that better for me?"

"I want it the same, But different"

On the phone, "can you fit me in...It should only take 4 hrs. I have a very
limited budget" After 7 hrs. "oh it perfect!, I also need 4 more versions
and a spanish version and the OTHER tape should be HERE soon"

"could I see....." and then half through the setup....."could I see"
again...again and again "could I see" well I have to go...will this make
fedx?

"that doesn't look like red" "I want red"

live-action director at shoot, pointing to offending
object: "We can Hollywood that out in post."


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Client at 4:45pm
"I need this 3 hour tape dubbed. Can you do it by 5?"

Client's son: What does this button do???
me: Nooooooo!!!

Electrician to Flame Artist: "Hey! That pen ain't got no wires on
it!" (rhyme 'wires' with 'pars')

you search for hours looking for this shot and tell them its too short.
2 hours later......There it is!!!!! yep.....but its only 74 frames long and
we need almost 7 seconds??? yea but thats the shot! lets use it!
......what about the other 4 plus seconds? .....we'lll just use this
shot.......(oh man! to myself)....... OK! its in there. heres the play
back..... HEY theres a big hole in there!!!!! (duh!) well i guess we
can't use that shot.....

How many film directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
One......but let's have a look at two and three as well.

client: I like the type, but what about the white spaces (referring to the
negative space in the design). We're paying for the whole screen to be
designed.

client during impossible roto shot;
"How much longer is this going to take?
me: That depends on how soon you start lowering your standards.

the agency says a huge client is coming, but don't worry cuz he knows all the ins and outs of the industry?. he finally walks in to the INFERNO suite, everybody is looking at him, he looks around with an aproving smile and says: "so... this is the famous... PAINTBOX"


...Until Next year, I'll leave you with a couple of favorites....

Avid editor to client: "my rate is $600 a day. of course if you want my brain with that, its $900."
client: "naw, we wont need your brain, just your mouse hand"

client: how long is that shot?
me:30 frames
client: yeah, yeah,... but how long is that?
me: it's a second
client: no, no, i mean in REAL time..

Low Budget Client: "Show me some cool effects you can do that no one has ever seen before"
Me (thinking to myself): Sure buddy, I've been saving all my best stuff for you, Mr. $100 per hour.
Me (out loud): "How about this?" (showing him a soft-edged heart wipe)

Director wanting to composite a real human into a small model of a car:
"We put a green figurine in the driver's seat for you."

Dougy
01-28-2003, 09:16 AM
LOL - would be SO funny if it wasn't SO true! :D

Taoizm
01-28-2003, 05:39 PM
LMAO!!! :applause:

Chris
01-28-2003, 08:00 PM
Nice!! & yet somehow depressing... :D :beer:

eudemonie
01-28-2003, 09:05 PM
---

i have tears in my eyes! :)

--
eu

Hugh
01-28-2003, 09:11 PM
I once rotated the color wheel ONE degree and then back to
zero again to have a client exclaim exhuberantly, "THAT'S IT!!!"

Having been involved in theatre lighting, this was affectionately known as a DFA cue (Do F*** All)

Norb
01-29-2003, 11:15 AM
nice one Geoff =)

arvid
01-29-2003, 02:46 PM
Director wanting to composite a real human into a small model of a car: "We put a green figurine in the driver's seat for you."

haha, d'oh! who needs pre-production meetings anyway :D

Milo FX
01-29-2003, 11:05 PM
Once I showed a wireframe logo animation preview to a client for
testing the speed of motion.

He said: "That s a good idea but we want a little bit more photorealistic look!"

Douglask
01-31-2003, 07:21 PM
It's too funny...yet WAY too common!

...GO CANUCKS!:buttrock:

Kondorlajos
03-16-2005, 11:00 PM
Here in Hungary these were my favourites:

client: Can you make this purple background a little yellowish?
me: That colour is called brown...

client: That thing should be christmas red...

client: This thing is elephant grey, i want it mouse grey...

Clients are the same all around the globe...

-Vormav-
03-17-2005, 04:15 AM
While editing a locked camera shot.
client: "Can you just tilt down so that we can see the rest of the shot"
me: "But there is no shot below this point... you shot it cropped from here!"
client: Yes I know, but can't you tilt down so I can see the rest of the shot.
me: "What shot? It was shot like this, there is black below this."
me: (I pull the image up showing the black border.) "See what I mean!"
client: "ok can't you recreate the bottom... I thought this machine can do
everything!"
me: "Well I could recreate the bottom but it will take some time."
client: "Isn't there a button that automatically does it for you"

Heh. It's sad that so many people actually think computers can do that. :p

blacknoise
03-17-2005, 07:57 AM
hahah! great thread!

i remember when i did some broadcast animations and my client asked to change colors and the motion of a few objects. i did completly nothing, just sent them exactly the same beta tape next day. and i had a call "hey! it looks awesome! just like we wanted!"

;)

boomji
03-27-2005, 06:11 PM
Having been involved in theatre lighting, this was affectionately known as a DFA cue (Do F*** All)


ahahahahhahahahahahahha...thease are just too funny. :scream:

b

lazzhar
03-28-2005, 07:21 AM
Haha, nice old funny missed thread.
It seems the stupidity is universtal :shrug:

smaug
04-05-2005, 01:40 PM
while i was reading your post i felt like i was there ahhhahaha..
arent they are all the same?..
:applause: :wip:

gardocki
04-05-2005, 02:10 PM
I once rotated the color wheel ONE degree and then back to
zero again to have a client exclaim exhuberantly, "THAT'S IT!!!"

Having been involved in theatre lighting, this was affectionately known as a DFA cue (Do F*** All)We call it an HTC filter...HTC for "Humor The Client". It goes something like this:

Client: "Well, it looks pretty good, but it needs something. I'm not really sure what..."
Me: "Well, let me try running an HTC filter and we'll see if that helps"...hide the video, press some buttons (any buttons) and unhide said video.
Client: "Perfect!!"

Works like a charm...:rolleyes:

dissidently
05-03-2005, 09:03 PM
Ever had a potential client list all the wonderful, challenging, innovative and demanding things they'd like done by you and your team. Then towards the end start explaining how by doing this for nothing we'll be significantly furthering our career/company and exposing ourselves to great oppurtunities, that the client and his company are doing us a great favour allowing us this oppurtunity to work for nothing????

This is a weekly occurance here, to which I've mastered a very slow, deep voiced response, combined with a look of near complete disdain, that ends with a total silence and locked eyes
"we don't need any practice...."

results are interesting, far more interesting than working for nothing, interestingly all of them have the capacity to pay, they just enjoy negotiating. I don't, I like to set a price. This is the best method I've found to square them up and put away any thoughts they may have about "helping" me.

surfymunky
05-05-2005, 07:39 PM
One of my faves,

"Also J### has seen the logo and has a few points he'd like changed....

One: Can the writing be more silver.
Two: Can the letters be closer together.
Three: Can the words be closer together? i.e. can we close the height distance between the words, or just make the words bigger.
Four: Can the words fill the entire frame.
Five: Can the bullets on either side of 'television' be bigger and more obvious.
Six: Can the whole presentation be widescreen. i.e. can we make it all 16x9.

Hope this is okay. Other than that he thinks it looks wonderful!"

I think the background was okay
regards

paul

patrickkrebs
05-09-2005, 05:45 PM
Reading this made me sick to my stomach.
Can't we create an industry that works as a middle man - some cool tech guy liason that meets us in the shop to work with us instead of the 45 year old business idiot.

gardocki
05-09-2005, 05:59 PM
Reading this made me sick to my stomach.
Can't we create an industry that works as a middle man - some cool tech guy liason that meets us in the shop to work with us instead of the 45 year old business idiot.Man, talk about an undesirable job. Who would honestly want to have a career translating between geekspeak and moronese?

Austin.H
05-12-2005, 06:29 PM
Client: "Can you render that out in front of a green screen so we can easily comp it into the animatic?"

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