Writing a Dream Paradox

[JWood]

I find these scenes lack clarity, perhaps because they aren't in propper script format, but most likely because there are all those real and dream James's running around. Also, time travel paradoxes (which this is like), where a character interacts with themselves, are by their nature, very confusing.

Because these scenes are out of context, I have no idea who to root for, no reason to be interested or reason to care for any of the characters. Even if you're giving only one or two scenes, even if they are out of context, make them DYNAMITE. Make your audience care.

Make your characters witty, or interesting or clever, or really mean or cruel or whaterver they need to be, but make them STRONG interesting, engaging characters that the audience can relate to or align themselves to somehow.

Watch your favorite movies, pay attention to those engaging characters and try to see why you like them. Don't assume your audience will.

[CG_Fan597]

Here's how I would write it. Maybe this helps:

INT. RAYDER MANSION -- NIGHT

ANGLE ON NANCY (DREAM VERSION)

Inside it's littered with candles, dream version of Nancy, in a red dress, sits on sofa.

ANGLE ON JAMES (DREAM VERSION)

Dream version of James, wearing a tuxedo, approaches couch with glasses of champagne. He sits close to Nancy.

ANGLE OF JAMES (REAL VERSION)

The real James walks into room through front door. He closes it and watches Nancy and James with curiosity as ROMANTIC MUSIC plays from a stereo.

JAMES
My love.

Nancy takes her glass of champagne.

JAMES
That is it for me.

He sips on his champagne.

NANCY
What is it for you?

James sets down the glasses. He holds Nancy's hands gently.

JAMES
Me being a soldier.

Nancy smiles.

NANCY
Are you really finished?

JAMES
Yeah. I'm ready to be a family man. My near death
experience helped with the decision. I'll never
leave your side. Ever.

NANCY
(in Japanese)
Promise me.

JAMES
(in Japanese)
I promise.

INT. RAYDER MANSION -- NIGHT (FLASH FORWARD)

SUPERIMPOSE: 2036

ANGLE ON COUCH

James, now 44, and Nancy, now 41, sit on couch watching a movie, accompanied by a TEN YEAR OLD GIRL, who who smiles and hugs James.

ANGLE ON WINDOW

Outside window, shadows of many men surround the house. James continues to watch movie. There's the SOUND OF A CRASH.

ANGLE ON CEILING
Several soldiers leap through ceiling hole armed with rifles.

ANGLE ON NANCY
Nancy has a look of terror on her face as she SCREAMS.

ANGLE ON SOLDIERS
The soldiers fire warning shots as they touch down.

ANGLE ON REAL JAMES

The real James tries to rally his family together and get them to safety.

JAMES
Come on! Come on!

ANGLE ON SOLDIERS

Soldiers open fire.

ANGLE ON LITTLE GIRL

The little girl SCREAMS in terror.

ANGLE ON OLDER JAMES

The older James darts quickly in front of THIRD JAMES who fires his pistol.

ANGLE ON REAL JAMES
The bullet goes through the real James and.....

ANGLE ON LITTLE GIRL

.....hits the little girl in the head. She falls dead.

ANGLE ON REAL JAMES

Real James collapses to the floor next to the little girl who is
bleeding through her head.

CU REAL JAMES

A look of horror washes over real James' face.

ANGLE ON OTHER SOLDIERS
Other soldiers open fire. Bullets RICOCHET off objects.

ANGLE ON NANCY

Nancy looks at her dead daughter. She SCREAMS.

NANCY
James!

SECOND JAMES POV

Second James looks across the way at his wife.

ANGLE ON SECOND JAMES

He is wounded but not badly. He comes out of the hiding and FIRES several shots at the
soldiers who reply with automatic gunfire. A bullet hits his knee. He
collapses. He SCREAMS in pain.

We hear TERRIFIED SCREAMS OS.

JAMES
Leave no one standing.

ANGLE ON THIRD JAMES

The third James walks around in his gear looking for anything alive.

ANGLE ON NANCY
Nancy is still screaming in terror.

SOLDIER
Target acquired.

ANGLE ON NANCY

Soldier sees Nancy through the couch using X-ray. He fires gun
at weapon.

ANGLE ON SECOND JAMES

The screams stop suddenly. James breathes deeply. He tries to
suppress the pain.

ANGLE ON THIRD JAMES

JAMES
I have the last target.

The third James points gun at second James' head.

ANGLE ON REAL JAMES

The real James gets up and darts at third James. He goes through body.

ANGLE ON THIRD JAMES

The third James FIRES ten shots into the second James' body. He screams
in pain. Final shot ends up in his head.

END OF DIGITAL DREAM

You really don't need the dashes. I changed it to angles to make it more like script format. :) Again, I hope this helps you. :)

[NeptuneImaging]

Wow, I thought no one was going to reply to this. I thank you for the critique and suggestion you have given. I have never written anything like this before and I want this to look good. I am not directing this script by the way, so the angle ons are not neccessary. But I thank you for the idea and I like the way it reads.

The script I am working on still needs a lot of work that I may just turn it into a novel instead. Depending on if I can get other writer's on it.

[CG_Fan597]

You're welcome. :) I do a lot of writing in my spare time so I'm always willing to help out in that area. If you ever do wish to turn it into a CG project, I'd love to help out in some way. I'm not an animator but I've always wanted to work on a CG project in some aspect. Please PM me if you ever choose to go the CG route. K? ;)

[NeptuneImaging]

I too write on my spare time. I am getting my book published. I did not plan to turn this into a CG film because of the risks with doing it. But I have thought about it....maybe making small episodes.

The script still needs work.... :( feeling discouraged about writing it.

[CG_Fan597]

The best thing to do is not to worry about what the script looks like until you have written it. Then you can go back and edit it. :) But getting it down on paper first (or on your disk) is always the most important thing. :) When I started writing my three minute short script in January, I didn't even worry about writing camera angles. Just worked on dialogue. Then I added angles and scene information and, later, added a new ending in draft two. I already started drawing my characters and am beginning the storyboards but I'm still getting ready to write a third draft because I reread it and wanted to add some things. So don't worry about reworking the script in your first draft and don't get discouraged. Like they say, writing is rewriting. ;) Right?

[JWood]

I think CG_Fan597 has done a good job. I still think movement could be made to help keep the people clear. To this end, I suggest not refering to James's versions as James 2 and James 3, but something more visual. Ghostly James, Soldier James.

As for feeling discouraged. Yeup. I believe that if you retain the story spine or core concept in mind, your drive will last longer, kind of like a road map through the city. Also, I expect writing it as fast as you can, then reviewing what you've got will help. Sure, the product after that first telling will be disappointing and not very good, but it can only get better from there.

Keep on keeping on.

[NeptuneImaging]

thank you. :) I did actually use ghost James and soldier james. This is the fourth revision on this script too and I want to finish it...I have my story and everything I want. And the story takes place in one main area really. And although it is action, I want it to be more psychological.

The character James is a tortured soul, facing an enemy that is near impossible to beat....

[CG_Fan597]

I don't know if you considered this option for your story. I know you're considering doing a series of episodes but why don't you just do one tightly scripted short about your character and then enter it in some film festivals or submit it to atom films or something like that? That way, you're not taking that big of a risk and, if someone likes it, perhaps they'll take the risk of asking you to expand on the concept? It might or might not happen but you can test the waters on it and see how it goes. Just an idea.... ;)

[NeptuneImaging]

no, that is a wonderful idea....:) I already took the opening of the script and made it into a ten minute short script, for a short film contest. It would be nice to start on it...

The story is about a soldier with a haunted past, after doing something he awfully regretted. Living with an implant surgically added to him, he is called in to do an operation that will get him way too close to his past.

[CG_Fan597]

That's cool. :) Like I said before, if you need any help on this project, let me know. K?

[NeptuneImaging]

Yup, no problem. And the story is set in the future which I like most. :)

[JWood]

Here's another stab at it... This is a (not great) attempt to put Tortured Soul (TS) James into the mix, not as an outsider, but as a part of the pacifist James, that gets split away. Even this "gimick" isn't necessary


INT. RAYDER RESIDENCE -- NIGHT

James, Nancy and SAM (a girl, 10 years old), sits on his knee, watching tv.

TV NEWS READER
And for Saturday, March 24th, 2036,
This is MNBC News. I'm Peter Jeffries,
Goodnight.

JAMES
Ok, Princess, It's beddie bye time.

A universe rending quake and explosion rocks the room, throwing the family to the floor. The cieling comes down in a shower of plaster, wood beams and dust. Five SOLDIERS drop heavily to the floor.

TS James, (still sitting on the couch), whirls around just in time to see fire spit from the LEADER's rifle.

On the floor, beside the coffee table, PRESENT DAY (PD) James lunges to cover Sam. Too late. Her small body lies limp in his arms. His eyes flash to -

The Leader levels his rifle, and squeezes off a burst.

Fluff puffs like smoke from the sofa. TS James pads his chest with his hands, checking for injury. He sighs, relieved. But behind him ...

PD JAMES
Nancy. Nancy, no!

Cut to -

LEADER
Targets aquired. Alpha team.
Move out.

TS James stands gaping, takingin the ghostly silence, ruin and murder before him.


Ach... but even this doesn't make sense to me, I'm royally confused.

Does this "dream paradox" get resolved, ie... does the death of one James mean the end of all other James's excluding the killer, because that action would end all other possible time lines? Sort of like "Sliding Doors" staring Gweneth Paltrow. And if one James kills off another, then any actions (like helping to produce the daughter) would also be eliminated, therefore, the only person killed would be Nancy.

James is a tortured soul facing an enemy that is "nearly impossible to beat". I'm not sure you need to go fantastic and separate him into these different versions of himself. I think this might add un-needed complexity.

Life can have a way of turning things around so you find yourself doing all those things you always said you'd never do, which can be torture. James could get into the military in order to prevent outcomes exactly like the one his himself is involved in at the end.

[NeptuneImaging]

No no, it is not a "time paradox" per se, but this scene was a nightmare induced by James's enemy (Present Day). In one scene, James is held hostage during his mission and injected with a serums that will induce one's most darkest nightmares. I threw in the other James's because he is sort of reliving this nightmare.

He killed a child who he thought was a terrorist, and the child was innocent, and it is eating him up inside. And the main enemy is someone he killed and permanently disfigured in his past, and that past returned, not what it was. And this person is showing him what it feels like to lose something you hold dearly. This villain, Machina, who was James target, lost her humanity. She is now a product of robotics. And this dream takes place.

When he wakes up, he murders his captors, escapes, and continues his mission. He is not alone like in most action films, he has inside help. and he has real weaknesses.

[CG_Fan597]

Sounds like an interesting story so far. :) BTW, sent you a PM last night. Don't know if you got it or not. But in it I was basically asking if you intended to direct this yourself or if you intended to find a director. Because if you intend to find a director, I'd like to direct it. I have a Communication Arts degree so I've directed shorts before (live action ones though). I don't want to pursue live action directing though and want to get into CG animation. So if you need a director, please let me know. :)

[NeptuneImaging]

I will keep that in mind. I have been writing this script for two years now.

[CG_Fan597]

Well, thank you for keeping it in mind. :) I appreciate it. :) Hope your script goes well.

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