SublimeOne
02-14-2006, 04:39 AM
First off, sorry I forgot to post this on your thread. This is a concept story that I'm going to animate, but when I turned it in my teacher he said that by having the main character eat one of the crab's claws was not very charasmatic. Other than that, a serious constructive critism would be very much appreciated.
Thank You!
tbd = to be determined
Walking through the trees, Cuah (pronounced “Qwa”...tbd) with his bud “crab” by his side, Cuah stops and picks up some freshly fallen leaves that would make for good roof repairs and yes, toilet paper too. After shaking the crab off of the leaf, he tests it on the side of his back side while looking upwards pondering which one feels better. After testing and approving the second leaf he approaches a succulent young tree bearing his favorite fruit-like morsel. Drawing his spear from its sleeve he takes a couple of steps back and launches it up towards the canopy of the trees. Tugging on the twine/vine which is attached to the spear, he wraps it around his wrist, grips on with his other hand and leans back forcefully releasing a generous supply of fruit. Picking up the fruit and placing it in the sack he finds that one of the “coconuts” doesn’t seem to agree with him. Swiftly grabbing the fruit and lifting it up he sees that the crab is underneath (or partially inside) and makes a disappointing face while the crab smiles and drops to the ground. With enough necessities in hand he begins to make his way back to his hut. As he is walking through the foliage, he hears a noise, then sees some leaves move to the right of him, only yards away. Slowly placing the bag down he quietly sneaks a few feet with spear drawn anticipating a delicious meal for later on when the crab decides to commence his meal inside the sack full of fruit scaring off the main course. Cuah quickly looks back at the crab with anger turning his expression from disgust into a sinister looking smile, like when you were a kid and could see someone hiding while playing hide and go seek but they couldn’t see you. As all of this is going on the sun gradually makes its way into the west. Later on, with a warm glow around the bonfire, Cuah enjoys his favorite fruit lowering the fruit then snacking on a crab claw. He looks over to the crab with one claw, the crab peers upward angrily squinting which quickly turns into tears, as he looks over at his claw (choking up...like it was his favorite) a large piece of fruit is tossed near his side for him to snack on. (Ladies, don’t cry, crab claws grow back)
The next day, waking to the sun’s warmth, Cuah opens his eyes and lifts himself up, taking a deep breath as he sits up in his hammock while his body rejuvenates. The sun’s rays are of a particular resonance this morning giving Cuah a peculiar feeling. Peering around his rudimentary room and then out the front door he wonders if there is something else out there for him. Cuah steps out onto his porch, briefly being disturbed by the sun, he surveys his surroundings like any other day. Teal waves crashing on the shore, a cool breeze blowing and gently swaying trees, all of which are dispersing a soothing collection of sounds. After deciding on a cool dip he dries himself off with a large palm leaf making sure to get in his ears pulling out the daily grime along with a bug that calmly climbs down the other side of the leaf as he lowers it to his side.
After disposing of the leaf in a small compost heap he makes his way to his workbench and ponders about what he had thought about earlier in the day. A raft!, (confidently expressing so with body language). Rolling out a large leaf he begins to brainstorm and conceptualize. Determining his design we see it lowered from in front of his face and see the raft exposed, which looks nothing like his drawing (for comic sake). From his hut to his raft, Cuah makes his way with his belongings and survival needs in hand. Pushing off into the vast ocean he sets off to discover what he never knew. Moments after doing so the crab scurries to the shoreline and begins to get slightly choked up letting out a deep sigh as he turns around.
As Cuah sails into the unknown he reaches for his folder/case spilling out some drawings of his. Picking them up he notices a drawing he did of his crab friend, reminiscing about the times and adventures he had with him. Rotating that drawing to the back of the pile he sees his favorite grove of those delicious fruit bearing trees depicting a very satisfied face. Shuffling this one behind the rest, the final drawing is of him with his hut well established (beautiful surrounding’s) and his crab friend. Letting out a sigh similar to the crabs he cracks a smile with one side of his mouth, looks down and to the side of him and swings the rutter around.
Landing on shore the crab makes his way out of a shell/home made from a piece of fruit that Cuah liked and squints to see that his friend has returned. Both make their way towards each other as the credits begin to roll over the scene. Leaving them walking back inside the hut.
....Wondering if while the credits are rolling I should show a girl landing on the shore, stepping out curiously looking around being slightly frightened by her unknown surroundings,. After all, I can’t leave the guy with just a crab.
Thank You!
tbd = to be determined
Walking through the trees, Cuah (pronounced “Qwa”...tbd) with his bud “crab” by his side, Cuah stops and picks up some freshly fallen leaves that would make for good roof repairs and yes, toilet paper too. After shaking the crab off of the leaf, he tests it on the side of his back side while looking upwards pondering which one feels better. After testing and approving the second leaf he approaches a succulent young tree bearing his favorite fruit-like morsel. Drawing his spear from its sleeve he takes a couple of steps back and launches it up towards the canopy of the trees. Tugging on the twine/vine which is attached to the spear, he wraps it around his wrist, grips on with his other hand and leans back forcefully releasing a generous supply of fruit. Picking up the fruit and placing it in the sack he finds that one of the “coconuts” doesn’t seem to agree with him. Swiftly grabbing the fruit and lifting it up he sees that the crab is underneath (or partially inside) and makes a disappointing face while the crab smiles and drops to the ground. With enough necessities in hand he begins to make his way back to his hut. As he is walking through the foliage, he hears a noise, then sees some leaves move to the right of him, only yards away. Slowly placing the bag down he quietly sneaks a few feet with spear drawn anticipating a delicious meal for later on when the crab decides to commence his meal inside the sack full of fruit scaring off the main course. Cuah quickly looks back at the crab with anger turning his expression from disgust into a sinister looking smile, like when you were a kid and could see someone hiding while playing hide and go seek but they couldn’t see you. As all of this is going on the sun gradually makes its way into the west. Later on, with a warm glow around the bonfire, Cuah enjoys his favorite fruit lowering the fruit then snacking on a crab claw. He looks over to the crab with one claw, the crab peers upward angrily squinting which quickly turns into tears, as he looks over at his claw (choking up...like it was his favorite) a large piece of fruit is tossed near his side for him to snack on. (Ladies, don’t cry, crab claws grow back)
The next day, waking to the sun’s warmth, Cuah opens his eyes and lifts himself up, taking a deep breath as he sits up in his hammock while his body rejuvenates. The sun’s rays are of a particular resonance this morning giving Cuah a peculiar feeling. Peering around his rudimentary room and then out the front door he wonders if there is something else out there for him. Cuah steps out onto his porch, briefly being disturbed by the sun, he surveys his surroundings like any other day. Teal waves crashing on the shore, a cool breeze blowing and gently swaying trees, all of which are dispersing a soothing collection of sounds. After deciding on a cool dip he dries himself off with a large palm leaf making sure to get in his ears pulling out the daily grime along with a bug that calmly climbs down the other side of the leaf as he lowers it to his side.
After disposing of the leaf in a small compost heap he makes his way to his workbench and ponders about what he had thought about earlier in the day. A raft!, (confidently expressing so with body language). Rolling out a large leaf he begins to brainstorm and conceptualize. Determining his design we see it lowered from in front of his face and see the raft exposed, which looks nothing like his drawing (for comic sake). From his hut to his raft, Cuah makes his way with his belongings and survival needs in hand. Pushing off into the vast ocean he sets off to discover what he never knew. Moments after doing so the crab scurries to the shoreline and begins to get slightly choked up letting out a deep sigh as he turns around.
As Cuah sails into the unknown he reaches for his folder/case spilling out some drawings of his. Picking them up he notices a drawing he did of his crab friend, reminiscing about the times and adventures he had with him. Rotating that drawing to the back of the pile he sees his favorite grove of those delicious fruit bearing trees depicting a very satisfied face. Shuffling this one behind the rest, the final drawing is of him with his hut well established (beautiful surrounding’s) and his crab friend. Letting out a sigh similar to the crabs he cracks a smile with one side of his mouth, looks down and to the side of him and swings the rutter around.
Landing on shore the crab makes his way out of a shell/home made from a piece of fruit that Cuah liked and squints to see that his friend has returned. Both make their way towards each other as the credits begin to roll over the scene. Leaving them walking back inside the hut.
....Wondering if while the credits are rolling I should show a girl landing on the shore, stepping out curiously looking around being slightly frightened by her unknown surroundings,. After all, I can’t leave the guy with just a crab.