View Full Version : The Full-Rage
sungai 12-13-2005, 04:23 AM Yes,thi is my first creation,some kind of story......so....have comment and critic XD.This story is about future,when human meet other species of the universe and fight for their freedom
Sorry for my bad English !
EDIT !!!
The New History's begun in far future,i'm human,so let me tell by the sight of human to the whole story...
Chapter I:Promising land
Human civilization's corrupted and collapsed right after World War V,evrything gone,only desert and trash of Robot,military weapon evrywhere,Ocean dried out,and mankind stand front of the brink of destruction.They have only one choice to survie:leave Earth behind and find new land to build up evreything form the begining.
All nation now remain 7:USA,Japan,China,France,Korea,Germany,Russia have united into one ultimate nation:USN(United of Supreme Nation).But goverment have 1 president and 6 Vice-President,they resist each other and go on Circle to seat on president's chair.
Now president Logean,lead human's last group moving through long and dark way in universe,to find the promising land....
But on their way,a Black Hole come aford them,and the ships can't go anywhere but get into the Black Hole,Logean thought they're ended here.Their ships getting through the Black Hole,and in time,they finally get out of darkness,and in front of them,is the new galaxy,seems it's their promising land that they've dreamed about.
They landed on a strange planet,dont know what's waiting behind the dense mist.But nothing happened then,so they move out their equipment from ships and carry stuff out,start their discovering and settle business.
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sungai
12-14-2005, 04:37 AM
Chapter II: The Prisoner
Now USN nation having no trouble on their way to build basment,HQ and military training camp.They named their new home :Gaia-to think this new planet is their mother,and they will never leave this wonderful home again
Few years later,something has changed human's mind,now they know this is not a peaceful planet anymore.Travelling to the North,they discovered a city,but be buried inside the moutain.Someone think that's "the alien's civilization",if they take it out,maybe they can learn something more about "Alien's technology"
Digging hardly inside the moutain,Logean suprised,cause the city is not dead,it's still alive,and a species are living here.They have Black Skin,red eye and long ear,the other part of body just like human,they call themself by strange language,so human call them "Dark Elf".Disguised just like poor ppl,they told to President Logean that they are the Prisoner,be banished by their brotherhod race.
The unreal story has been told to Logean,convinced him that their brotherhod race will return and destroy all human's achivement if they figure out there are "intruders" in Gaia.
Logean consider in allying with Dark Elf.Because they know their brotherhod race's weakness,and a lot knowledge of their Elven race can be revealed.But all 6 vice President can't allow Logean to do this,cause there's alot of thing that they didnt know to make sure that Dark Elf is honest and unharmful.So Logean decide on this way:observe what's the brotherhodrace of Dark Elf,and if they right,Logean can blow the whole moutain with explosive and free the Dark Elf,they will prepare their army by supportment of human,and if everything go on well,they can ally to fight against the unknown race behind the Dark Elf 's imprisonment
malcolmvexxed
12-28-2005, 03:10 PM
Chapter II: The Prisoner
Now USN nation having no trouble on their way to build basment,HQ and military training camp.They named their new home :Gaia-to think this new planet is their mother,and they will never leave this wonderful home again
Few years later,something has changed human's mind,now they know this is not a peaceful planet anymore.Travelling to the North,they discovered a city,but be buried inside the moutain.Someone think that's "the alien's civilization",if they take it out,maybe they can learn something more about "Alien's technology"
Digging hardly inside the moutain,Logean suprised,cause the city is not dead,it's still alive,and a species are living here.They have Black Skin,red eye and long ear,the other part of body just like human,they call themself by strange language,so human call them "Dark Elf".Disguised just like poor ppl,they told to President Logean that they are the Prisoner,be banished by their brotherhod race.
The unreal story has been told to Logean,convinced him that their brotherhod race will return and destroy all human's achivement if they figure out there are "intruders" in Gaia.
Logean consider in allying with Dark Elf.Because they know their brotherhod race's weakness,and a lot knowledge of their Elven race can be revealed.But all 6 vice President can't allow Logean to do this,cause there's alot of thing that they didnt know to make sure that Dark Elf is honest and unharmful.So Logean decide on this way:observe what's the brotherhodrace of Dark Elf,and if they right,Logean can blow the whole moutain with explosive and free the Dark Elf,they will prepare their army by supportment of human,and if everything go on well,they can ally to fight against the unknown race behind the Dark Elf 's imprisonment
I cannot tell if your story is as generic as it sort of seems to be on the surface because of the language gap( not your fault at all) but it appears to just be a post apocalyptic 'hope" tale. Which is fine as long as you tell the story well - that's really all that matters
Saikin
12-29-2005, 11:47 PM
I understood what you're tryign to get across. It reminds me of "Titan A.E." and a bit of "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within." Like the guy about said, if you can develop it into a really good storyline, then you're set. I'd suggest finding a really good translator and having it translated to English a bit better so that others can understand it a bit more.
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