30 minute short comedy script. Need some help.

[faultline]

Hi George.. I think its well written, i just didn't find it that funny. I felt it leans more towards a dramatic script. Could be just me, but I don't find drunk people's actions humourous unless I'm also intoxicated :) A few lines seemed a bit over the top - Gregs harsh words towards the honda driver in particular ; I could see Marcellus Wallace from Pulp fiction deliver that line after his ordeal however :) I think the ending would be stronger/funnier perhaps if there was a scene with his parents returning to the damage? The "get this s*it started" line used a few times I found a bit cheesy. Comedy is very difficult to write, but i think if you try to hone funny situations with a good setup and delivery you'll get there. Good luck and post updates!

[Gmelahn]

Thanks for the crits... Took a break over the past week, and just to clear a few things up it isn't finished. Got about 10 or so more pages to write. As for the "funny" parts. So far from people's reaction from reading it some parts are quite funny, but others drag on...Trying to work this out, but I still got a few weeks before its due.

[Priest_]

The Vase shattering bit i find a bit cliched.....

Not That funnny.... :shrug:

[cgyantra]

dear,
always place yourself as a chracter in your story...
keep experiment with your self

[cgyantra]

dear friends, are you looking to improve your imaginative skills.....................................................................
you can ask me.....
rajeshkalsi24@yahoo.com

[paperclip]

I think you should exaggerate the personalities in your script more, provide contrasts between people.....right now they're kinda bland and off-the-shelf.

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