A Short Animation (concept)

[danielkenobi]

I dont know I kind of dont like. It looks like kind of sad. And it looks like a loot of work in the pirate thing, try to keep it simple, maybe his dream is to dance.And After he is told to dont dance while he sweeps, he show his tong to the voice, and keeps doing what he does. One day he doesnt see that a basket ball game is about to start (he is cleaning the Gym) and he start to dance, sudenly the lights turn on an when he sees that instead of be ashamed he keeps dancing and everybody likes it. when he finish his spectacular and funny dance, every body is dancing in the same way. and that is the end of the short. Just a tought. I hope been of any help.

[Cabot]

I really appreciate your reply! It sounds to me though that your idea would entail much more work than the one I proposed. A basketball game? A crowd of people dancing? I think I am obviously partial to my idea, and quite set on doing either it, or something very similar. Jones is actually the only real character in the animation, as the pirates are all flat cutout shapes. As I said however, I appreciate the time you took to reply!

This will be my first animation beyond a "test" as well, I am expecting it to take months and months, as it will be a learning process.

[malcolmj]

Hi Cabot,

I like the idea of using this story as the basis for an animation and I think it would work well, but I'd cut out the part about Jones dancing around while working and listening to music. Reading this part, I expected the character to be "transformed" into some sort of fantastic dance scenario. Instead, he is transformed into a pirate scenario, which I find confusing (and is probably what danielkenobi is hinting at).

I'd either make it into a scenario where Jones could escape through dancing, or remove that part entirely and concentrate on the pirate scene.

I really like the idea of him fighting cardboard characters too. It could look awesome!

Cheers,

Malcolm.

[Cabot]

Malcolm,

ahhh I see now. I guess I didn't quite get the point of the previous post. Yes yes, I could cut that scene out. I think I was just trying to look for some way to convey the fact that there is more to Jones than simply pushing a broom.

[pconsidine]

Cabot,

Your hero could just as easily be miming some great battle as dancing around. Maybe he wears his dustpan at his waist like a sword? It shouldn't be too hard to convey that the Janitor has higher aspirations than just sweeping floors.

However, kenobi did make another point that I think is valid - that it seems a little sad. From a storytelling point of view, we expect to see that the hero has grown somehow from the events we're watching. If he just has this fantasy and then returns to business-as-usual, it's very easy to watch it and think "so what? What difference did that make?"

My feeling is that if he's going to imagine himself in the world of pirates, then it ought to be a complete fantasy - he should have a crew and his enemies shouldn't be cardboard. Also, there needs to be some kind of connection between the fantasy and the real world - maybe the enemy captain looks (or sounds) like his boss? Without something to tie all the elements of the story together, it's not really a story.

Just my 2¢.

[Cabot]

Pconsidine, thanks for your reply. I like the idea of mimicing a great battle, as that makes so much more sense ;)

Although the story idea does seem sad, that's how I wanted it to be. It makes me wonder sometimes when I see people working their mundane jobs, seeming miserable all the time, what goes on in their heads. What are their dreams and goals and what are their interests. So the point of my story is not to have a happily ever after, but to show that every human being, no matter what they may appear to be on the outside, can have very active, very creative minds. Yet their profession may not let them express it. I think this gets shown very well with the short lived fantasy, ending in a reluctant return to the broom. I am NOT a professionaly story teller, I have not done much beyond the creative writing course I took in college. So I am trying to take yours and others advice, but I am naturally attatched to the little idea I have brewing in my mind. I don't mean to be disrespectful. Maybe there is a way that I can get my point across in more story friendly fashion.

The reason I choose the cardboard pirates, is that Jone's fantasy is taking place in the theater's storage closet, he is interacting with objects from the closet, unknowingly to him. That is what ties his fantasy into his real world. The other driving factor behind that, is that I am doing this completetly on my own. It will be my first really big project, and I don't want to bite off more than I can chew. I would like to keep it as simple as possible, and do it very very well!

I just re-read your post, and I do agree with you now, that there needs to be something more to tie the two together, and Jones should come out a changed man, if even very very slightly. I'm not sure what the best way to do this would be. Maybe as the fantasy is nearing a close, the sounds of cannon fire will become the sounds of slamming lockers, bringing Jones back to reality, as he walks out from the closet into the hallway...picks up his broom to resume sweeping....stops...throws his janitor hat and nametag to the floor, then clutching his broom handle like a sword, swashbuckles his way down the hallway fighting an invisible foe. Leading on that Jones has in fact quit his job, and is moving out to realize his dream?

[danielkenobi]

or maybe you can trick the audience to make them think he was a worker but he really was an actor, I mean after all the story he vows and we hear aplauses. But it definetly should improve his condition during the short

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