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rickmann
09-19-2005, 02:45 AM
Ok, I am working on storyboards wright now on 2 Independent Animated Film Ideas. I fiqured I would shoot them by everyone, and see what they thought. Feel free to add to them or make suggestions.

The first one:

Yard Sale,

It takes place in Florida or some other southern state (because yard sales are a big thing in those states). The story starts by showing this little old man that gets up really early every morning and starts nailing up his signs and putting his signs in peoples yard notifying everyone about the yard sale. He does this every weekend for along time (of course we cut it really short) we cut to show him putting everything he needs for his yard sale including his lounge chair and a table that he can put his drink on, he also post a sign in the front yard for people walking by. Well as time goes by people in the cars see the signs, see him in front of the house, the slow down to pull into the driveway and then suddenly driveway. People even walk by just laughing at the stuff he has to sell. Well it starts to get later in the day and his wife is now coming outside to nag at him to come inside and to give up on this useless yard sale, she tells him that every weekend he gets up, he hangs the signs, he sits outside waiting and yet every weekend, nobody buys anything. So finally as the sun is finally setting he packs it up for the day hoping that tomorrow it will be better. The End


OH.. I forgot at the very end it cuts away to his sign posted in the front of the house that reads: "One Yard For Sale, Asking Best Offer, Grass Only!"

The second one:

The Pest

A guy by the name of john wakes up every morning at the crack of dawn gets is pajamas and slippers on a goes downstairs to get ready for work. But one morning changes his life upside down. As he comes out of the bathroom after his morning shower he notices a banana moving across the kitchen counter. As he approches the counter he relizes that he has a row of ants walking across his counter, he follows the trail down the counter across the floor and out his back door, apparently that is where they are coming from. He looks under the counter for some ant spray but can't find anything, he suddenly pops out of the counter with the only thing he can find. A fly swatter and a bottle of glass cleaner. By now his whole lunch is moving across the counter. He starts swatting and spraying and after a few minutes it seems to be working. He wipes the dead ants and goes back up stairs to get ready for work.

When he comes back down the stairs and more ants are all over his counter. He immediatly starts spraying and swatting the counter very quickly and very upset now! After a few minutes, he cleans them all up and relizes hes late for work, as he is walking out he sees more coming through the door but is unable to do anything because he is late.

All day at work he is thinking what to do, when he relizes that he is going to have to go to the store to buy some ant spary. (Insert dream of a guy selling ant spray to john "he says no problem this will do the job").

He returns home to find them all over his counter. He sprays and sprays and finaly gets them cleaned up. After being exhuasted from cleaning the counters and sweeping the floor, he decides to sit down and watch some t.v. Soon he falls asleep for a little nap, when he wakes up there back and worse than ever.

He reaches down to pick up the can of ant spray that he bought. He looks over the front of the can and proceeds to read the back. It says kills ants instantly. He is confused, why didn't it kill the ants? Then suddenly he looks at the bottom it reads in fine print " Kills Red Ants Only!" he looks around, all of the ants are black! He is now running around the kitchen cleaning every corner and space trying to figure out why the keep coming in? Theres no food open, all the counters are clean and any open food has been put high up on the shelves, but they still keep coming out. He kneels down on the floor screaming and yelling and yells out to the row of the ants why to you keep coming in. One of the little ants stop in his tracks looks up at him and says " we come in here because your place is much better than the hole in ground we have".

This is where I am at wright now with the second film. I haven't decided completely if this will be the ending or not. If anyone can think of a better ending please let me know. I am sure I can put you in to the credits for your contributions.

I have pitched the idea to Alias because that is the man software I will be using, they loved it! FYI I will be starting production with both films hopefuly by late October, if anyone will like to help with modeling, please let me know.

Thanks

rickmann
09-20-2005, 12:23 PM
Okay, nobody seems to have any input so I will take it that everyone hates it or likes it.

Thanks

pconsidine
09-23-2005, 01:34 PM
My gut reaction? These better be pretty short for such groaner punchlines. There seems to be a risk that you'll wind up telling some sort of shaggy dog story that will ultimately make your viewers feel like they've been cheated and that they just wasted however much time it took to watch the short.

With "The Yard Sale" I think you need to find a way to plant enough interesting decoys to make the punchline a real surprise. For example (and just off the top of my head), what if there's a pile of junk in the yard and that's what the viewer thinks he's selling. When you reveal that he's actually selling the yard itself, you could then have a garbage truck come by and cart off all the junk in his yard as if it's a regular trash collection day. That way, you've given us a diversion, but still made it plausable.

"The Pest" might be even tougher, since there really isn't much other story that you can develop there. I would say that there needs to be some deeper reason that a house full of ants would bother our hero - something that would provide that same decoy factor as the junk in "The Yard Sale." (For what it's worth, you could also use a different pest than ants and still use the same punchline. For example, use termites and make the punchline something about a "hole in the wall" instead. Just to open up some other avenues for you.)

Just my 2.

rickmann
09-24-2005, 01:14 AM
Hey Peter, thanks for your 2 cents! I will vaule every penny!! I like the angle that you were talking about on Yard Sale, but I am not sure how it would work on The Pest? Actually I am thinking of changing the end of the pest to more of a frienfdly end where they both become friends at the end. What do you think of that instaed?


Thanks again!!

pconsidine
09-26-2005, 03:10 PM
That could definitely work. If you can think of a situation where they need to cooperate to save their shared home, that might even be better still. That might tack on a few minutes to the finished piece, in order to develop it well enough, but the results would probably be worth it (at least I think so).

Another thing I thought of - given the punchline you're thinking of, you could have your hero always complaining about living in a hole of an apartment. That way, when the ants say something about really living in a hole, there's that little extra twist on it.

Hope it helps.

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