flawedprefect
05-03-2005, 06:13 AM
Hi guys. Some of you may know me as a hypercritical sort ready to dish out a bit of honest truth about your work. Well, I decided when I had something to show, I'd put it up. Here is the first segment of a short script I am writing. Please feel free to critique. I apologize for it's length.
SHOOTER:
1ST DRAFT
1. EXT. DESERT – DUSK 1.
FADE UP. SLOW PAN across desert. Stop on DESERT COMPOUND – a small collection of buildings on the horizon. The sky is burnt orange. Clouds mottled pink and yellow stretch out towards us.
2. INT. OUTPOST PRISON: ‘A’ TUNNEL – DUSK 2.
XCU of a large hand punching a key pad.
CUT TO
XCU of keypad. A large finger punches some numbers on it.
INTERCOM:
Identification number.
GUARD 2#:
Zero One One Seven Zero.
CUT TO WIDE SHOT of PRISON HALLWAY. A dor slides open revealing two guards. GUARD 1# is small and twitchy. He wears large goggles, brown army pants, and an old blue armored vest. GUARD 2# is a gorilla, both twice as tall and four times as wide as his companion. He is dressed in a skin-tight green uniform and brown work boots. When they walk, they look like Woody Allen trying to keep up with Ron Perlman.
GUARD 1#:
I wish management would send one of their own to clean up messes like this.
GUARD 2#:
We were the closest unit. Besides, how hard can it be? An exterior monitor goes on the fritz. Probably just needs a good thumping, and we’re back to our rounds.
GUARD 1#:
But… it’s her cell!
GUARD 2# Stops.
GUARD 2#:
Don’t tell me you believe that lie?
GUARD 1#:
It’s no lie.
GUARD 2#:
Have you actually seen her?
GUARD 1#:
N-no… but Blair: she saved him from the last Cat attack. She took on a Cat hand to hand.
GUARD 2#:
Buddy, nobody can survive a direct assault from a Cat. Bullets ricochet off their hides like ration crumbs in a food fight. They’ll tear you limb from limb before you even have a chance to get a good swing in. Believe me, I know.
GUARD 1#:
Private Blair said…
GUARD 2#:
Blair’s an over excited kid with glasses thick as tank shields. He probably survived by hiding in some corner until the Cats finished what they came for.
GUARD 1#:
You calling him a liar?
GUARD 2#:
Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m calling him. Probably made all that up because the Mason inquiry wouldn’t believe he could have survived on a fluke. I don’t believe there is or ever was a Shooter. Face it: we’re on the receiving end of a losing battle. The Cats are gonna wipe out what’s left of humanity. It’s only a matter of time.
The guards continue to walk. They stop in front of a door.
GUARD 2#:
Door Seven Zero Four Six. Broken monitor: needs repairing.
GUARD 2# looks behind the monitor, checks a couple of switches and steps back.
GUARD 2#:
Doesn’t seem to be a problem. Could be internal.
Presses intercom.
GUARD 2#:
Prisoner Seven Zero Four Six. We are coming in. Please move towards the rear of the room. Use the intercom to confirm.
There is nothing but static over the intercom.
GUARD 2#:
Prisoner Seven Zero Four Six: if you do not comply with our request, we shall be forced to use whatever means necessary to subdue you. Please comply.
Static over intercom.
GUARD 2#:
Something’s up. I don’t like it.
GUARD 1#:
What do you suggest?
GUARD 2#:
Ready your weapon.
GUARD 1#:
But that’s the Shooter! We can’t stand a chance against her!
GUARD 2#:
Ready your weapon, Private, and back me up.
GUARD 1# fumbles for his gun. Is nervous but ready. GUARD 2# opens the door.
GUARD 2#:
She’s a lot shorter than I expected.
Cut to Cell interior. It is empty.
3. INT. OBSERVATION DECK – DUSK 3.
PAN ACROSS scene. The OBSERVATION DECK IS cluttered with computer banks covered in old manuals. Screens show different parts of the outpost. Three monitors above the observation windows show various angles of the outside desert. JASON BLAIR is sleeping at one of the workstations. His feet are up on a cluttered bench top, and a manual hides his face. ZOOM IN on a monitor close to BLAIR. A sign is taped to the side. It reads “FIX SPEAKER ASAP”. The monitor begins to flash a warning signal.
4. INT. OUTPOST PRISON: ‘A’ TUNNEL – DUSK 4.
The two GUARDS are arguing outside the prison cell door.
GUARD 1#:
We gotta radio this in.
GUARD 2# grabs radio off GUARD 1#.
GUARD 2#:
Listen here, wise-ass: I survived ‘Post David. I survived by running. I don’t appreciate being mocked with some elaborate setup.
GUARD 1#:
It’s not a setup! There really is a Shooter! She’s been here for three months under lock and key.
GUARD 2# Snatches GUARD 1# up by his lapels and growls menacingly. He then throws him into the cell.
GUARD 2#:
It’s guys like you that really make me…
All the lights go out. Somewhere, backup generators kick in, and the hallway is bathed in a low red light. GUARD 1# Lets out a scream. GUARD 2# peers into the darkened cell. Two feet fly out of the darkness and connect directly with his face.
5. INT. OBSERVATION DECK – DUSK 5.
Alarms are going off. BLAIR is frantically checking all monitors for activity. BLAIR attempts an intercom.
BLAIR:
Prison detail, come in.
The PA crackles.
BLAIR:
Prison detail, this is Blair. Over.
More static. BLAIR walks over to the south desk, but before he gets down under it to check the wire connection, something outside in the desert captures his attention. BLAIR punches keys frantically. An overhead display lights up for a few moments. BLAIR can make out four large shadows moving slowly across the desert. The monitor goes black.
BLAIR:
Cats.
6. EXT. PERIMETER WALL – DUSK 6.
SOLDIERS jog onto the perimeter. A siren wails.
7. INT. OBSERVATION DECK – DUSK 7.
BLAIR watches the southern perimeter. From his perch, he can see a handful of soldiers awaiting their fate. BLAIR is the first to see the large, black shape climb over the perimeter, but as it takes the first of his soldiers, BLAIR can only scream.
8. EXT – DESERT COMPOUND PERIMETER WALL – EVENING 8.
Three CATS have climbed over their defenses. In the failing light, the soldiers fire short, panicked bursts of ammunition at them. Bullets leave nothing but momentary furrows in their sleek, black fur. The first CAT advances on a small soldier, who fires until his gun is spent, then the CAT leaps. The soldier screams. The CAT throws the body of the soldier over the perimeter wall. It then looks up at the observation tower. ZOOM IN on BLAIR staring out helplessly.
9. INT. DESERT COMPOUND OBSERVATION DECK – EVENING 9.
The CAT leaps through the shielded glass. BLAIR ducks for cover. The CAT turns towards BLAIR. It snarls and pads over. BLAIR back pedals under the desk. A security door on the other side of the room opens. A tall, lean shadowy figure cocks a gun. The CAT turns to face her. The CAT leaps towards the door. The figure fires a single shot – it catches the CAT in the mouth. The CAT collapses and does not move. BLAIR reaches out to touch the beast. The SHOOTER grabs him by the wrist and yanks him to his feet.
SHOOTER:
Don’t touch it.
BLAIR:
The Shooter!
SHOOTER:
Come with me.
On their way out the door, SHOOTER hits a button next to the exit door. A small panel lights up with the words BEACON LIT.
10. INT. DESERT COMPOUND BASEMENT – NIGHT 10.
GUARD 2# wakes up.
GUARD 2#:
Goddamn Bitch…
A large shadow stalks across the walls of the prison hallway. GUARD 2# reaches for his sidearm and is shocked to find it missing.
GUARD 2#:
We’re ****ed.
11. INT. DESERT COMPOUND HANGAR – NIGHT 11.
Muffled sound of gunfire and screaming echoes through the HANGAR. Several one-man flying vehicles line one side of the HANGAR. BLAIR and SHOOTER enter from the far end of the HANGAR
BLAIR:
Hey, where are you taking me?
SHOOTER has a helmet in her hands. SHOOTER throws it to BLAIR.
SHOOTER:
You need to send word to fort Mason.
BLAIR:
What? How?
SHOOTER nods to a row of hover bikes.
BLAIR:
I have no clearance for an S-14!
SHOOTER throws him a key.
SHOOTER:
Clearance granted.
SHOOTER nods to her gun
SHOOTER:
I can revoke it just as easily.
BLAIR gets on a flier, fastens his helmet and attempts to start up the bike. He shrugs an apology. There is a wrenching of metal from the hangar door. SHOOTER reaches over and starts the bike for him. The bike lifts, banks into the wall, and wobbles in mid air for a bit.
BLAIR:
What about you?
SHOOTER smirks. She presses a button to open the cliff exit of the hangar. A Cat enters through the hole it has torn in the hangar door. BLAIR flies off as SHOOTER fires off more rounds.
12. EXT. DESERT – NIGHT 12.
BLAIR flies across the desert night. Behind him, flames and explosions rupture the perimeter walls of the COMPOUND.
(c) Paul Orlando Caggegi 2005
SHOOTER:
1ST DRAFT
1. EXT. DESERT – DUSK 1.
FADE UP. SLOW PAN across desert. Stop on DESERT COMPOUND – a small collection of buildings on the horizon. The sky is burnt orange. Clouds mottled pink and yellow stretch out towards us.
2. INT. OUTPOST PRISON: ‘A’ TUNNEL – DUSK 2.
XCU of a large hand punching a key pad.
CUT TO
XCU of keypad. A large finger punches some numbers on it.
INTERCOM:
Identification number.
GUARD 2#:
Zero One One Seven Zero.
CUT TO WIDE SHOT of PRISON HALLWAY. A dor slides open revealing two guards. GUARD 1# is small and twitchy. He wears large goggles, brown army pants, and an old blue armored vest. GUARD 2# is a gorilla, both twice as tall and four times as wide as his companion. He is dressed in a skin-tight green uniform and brown work boots. When they walk, they look like Woody Allen trying to keep up with Ron Perlman.
GUARD 1#:
I wish management would send one of their own to clean up messes like this.
GUARD 2#:
We were the closest unit. Besides, how hard can it be? An exterior monitor goes on the fritz. Probably just needs a good thumping, and we’re back to our rounds.
GUARD 1#:
But… it’s her cell!
GUARD 2# Stops.
GUARD 2#:
Don’t tell me you believe that lie?
GUARD 1#:
It’s no lie.
GUARD 2#:
Have you actually seen her?
GUARD 1#:
N-no… but Blair: she saved him from the last Cat attack. She took on a Cat hand to hand.
GUARD 2#:
Buddy, nobody can survive a direct assault from a Cat. Bullets ricochet off their hides like ration crumbs in a food fight. They’ll tear you limb from limb before you even have a chance to get a good swing in. Believe me, I know.
GUARD 1#:
Private Blair said…
GUARD 2#:
Blair’s an over excited kid with glasses thick as tank shields. He probably survived by hiding in some corner until the Cats finished what they came for.
GUARD 1#:
You calling him a liar?
GUARD 2#:
Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m calling him. Probably made all that up because the Mason inquiry wouldn’t believe he could have survived on a fluke. I don’t believe there is or ever was a Shooter. Face it: we’re on the receiving end of a losing battle. The Cats are gonna wipe out what’s left of humanity. It’s only a matter of time.
The guards continue to walk. They stop in front of a door.
GUARD 2#:
Door Seven Zero Four Six. Broken monitor: needs repairing.
GUARD 2# looks behind the monitor, checks a couple of switches and steps back.
GUARD 2#:
Doesn’t seem to be a problem. Could be internal.
Presses intercom.
GUARD 2#:
Prisoner Seven Zero Four Six. We are coming in. Please move towards the rear of the room. Use the intercom to confirm.
There is nothing but static over the intercom.
GUARD 2#:
Prisoner Seven Zero Four Six: if you do not comply with our request, we shall be forced to use whatever means necessary to subdue you. Please comply.
Static over intercom.
GUARD 2#:
Something’s up. I don’t like it.
GUARD 1#:
What do you suggest?
GUARD 2#:
Ready your weapon.
GUARD 1#:
But that’s the Shooter! We can’t stand a chance against her!
GUARD 2#:
Ready your weapon, Private, and back me up.
GUARD 1# fumbles for his gun. Is nervous but ready. GUARD 2# opens the door.
GUARD 2#:
She’s a lot shorter than I expected.
Cut to Cell interior. It is empty.
3. INT. OBSERVATION DECK – DUSK 3.
PAN ACROSS scene. The OBSERVATION DECK IS cluttered with computer banks covered in old manuals. Screens show different parts of the outpost. Three monitors above the observation windows show various angles of the outside desert. JASON BLAIR is sleeping at one of the workstations. His feet are up on a cluttered bench top, and a manual hides his face. ZOOM IN on a monitor close to BLAIR. A sign is taped to the side. It reads “FIX SPEAKER ASAP”. The monitor begins to flash a warning signal.
4. INT. OUTPOST PRISON: ‘A’ TUNNEL – DUSK 4.
The two GUARDS are arguing outside the prison cell door.
GUARD 1#:
We gotta radio this in.
GUARD 2# grabs radio off GUARD 1#.
GUARD 2#:
Listen here, wise-ass: I survived ‘Post David. I survived by running. I don’t appreciate being mocked with some elaborate setup.
GUARD 1#:
It’s not a setup! There really is a Shooter! She’s been here for three months under lock and key.
GUARD 2# Snatches GUARD 1# up by his lapels and growls menacingly. He then throws him into the cell.
GUARD 2#:
It’s guys like you that really make me…
All the lights go out. Somewhere, backup generators kick in, and the hallway is bathed in a low red light. GUARD 1# Lets out a scream. GUARD 2# peers into the darkened cell. Two feet fly out of the darkness and connect directly with his face.
5. INT. OBSERVATION DECK – DUSK 5.
Alarms are going off. BLAIR is frantically checking all monitors for activity. BLAIR attempts an intercom.
BLAIR:
Prison detail, come in.
The PA crackles.
BLAIR:
Prison detail, this is Blair. Over.
More static. BLAIR walks over to the south desk, but before he gets down under it to check the wire connection, something outside in the desert captures his attention. BLAIR punches keys frantically. An overhead display lights up for a few moments. BLAIR can make out four large shadows moving slowly across the desert. The monitor goes black.
BLAIR:
Cats.
6. EXT. PERIMETER WALL – DUSK 6.
SOLDIERS jog onto the perimeter. A siren wails.
7. INT. OBSERVATION DECK – DUSK 7.
BLAIR watches the southern perimeter. From his perch, he can see a handful of soldiers awaiting their fate. BLAIR is the first to see the large, black shape climb over the perimeter, but as it takes the first of his soldiers, BLAIR can only scream.
8. EXT – DESERT COMPOUND PERIMETER WALL – EVENING 8.
Three CATS have climbed over their defenses. In the failing light, the soldiers fire short, panicked bursts of ammunition at them. Bullets leave nothing but momentary furrows in their sleek, black fur. The first CAT advances on a small soldier, who fires until his gun is spent, then the CAT leaps. The soldier screams. The CAT throws the body of the soldier over the perimeter wall. It then looks up at the observation tower. ZOOM IN on BLAIR staring out helplessly.
9. INT. DESERT COMPOUND OBSERVATION DECK – EVENING 9.
The CAT leaps through the shielded glass. BLAIR ducks for cover. The CAT turns towards BLAIR. It snarls and pads over. BLAIR back pedals under the desk. A security door on the other side of the room opens. A tall, lean shadowy figure cocks a gun. The CAT turns to face her. The CAT leaps towards the door. The figure fires a single shot – it catches the CAT in the mouth. The CAT collapses and does not move. BLAIR reaches out to touch the beast. The SHOOTER grabs him by the wrist and yanks him to his feet.
SHOOTER:
Don’t touch it.
BLAIR:
The Shooter!
SHOOTER:
Come with me.
On their way out the door, SHOOTER hits a button next to the exit door. A small panel lights up with the words BEACON LIT.
10. INT. DESERT COMPOUND BASEMENT – NIGHT 10.
GUARD 2# wakes up.
GUARD 2#:
Goddamn Bitch…
A large shadow stalks across the walls of the prison hallway. GUARD 2# reaches for his sidearm and is shocked to find it missing.
GUARD 2#:
We’re ****ed.
11. INT. DESERT COMPOUND HANGAR – NIGHT 11.
Muffled sound of gunfire and screaming echoes through the HANGAR. Several one-man flying vehicles line one side of the HANGAR. BLAIR and SHOOTER enter from the far end of the HANGAR
BLAIR:
Hey, where are you taking me?
SHOOTER has a helmet in her hands. SHOOTER throws it to BLAIR.
SHOOTER:
You need to send word to fort Mason.
BLAIR:
What? How?
SHOOTER nods to a row of hover bikes.
BLAIR:
I have no clearance for an S-14!
SHOOTER throws him a key.
SHOOTER:
Clearance granted.
SHOOTER nods to her gun
SHOOTER:
I can revoke it just as easily.
BLAIR gets on a flier, fastens his helmet and attempts to start up the bike. He shrugs an apology. There is a wrenching of metal from the hangar door. SHOOTER reaches over and starts the bike for him. The bike lifts, banks into the wall, and wobbles in mid air for a bit.
BLAIR:
What about you?
SHOOTER smirks. She presses a button to open the cliff exit of the hangar. A Cat enters through the hole it has torn in the hangar door. BLAIR flies off as SHOOTER fires off more rounds.
12. EXT. DESERT – NIGHT 12.
BLAIR flies across the desert night. Behind him, flames and explosions rupture the perimeter walls of the COMPOUND.
(c) Paul Orlando Caggegi 2005