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View Full Version : story: The Curse Clown (need some help)


slothuus
03-13-2005, 02:28 AM
it is a story iam trying to make... i can really use some help... with both my english and with the story.... i hope you can help me...

is just a short story...
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The Curse Clown.

this is a Tale about a little Clown that wanted to be the funnies
Clown in the world. But nobody wanted to hire him because there is
always somebody better then him... and then like all of us when
everything is going wrong for the thing we want to do most....

so one day when he is walking around in the main pack and see the
kids playing and having fun he says:( ill do anything... just give me a
chance please.) but nothing happens and he gets so sad.. and walks
home to his own place...

but on the way there... a man call his name from a dark little alley..
the little clown looks around yes it is you am talking to.. then the
little clown start to walk down the little dark alley the clown cant see
anyone down there and start to be a bit afraid of what is going to
happen.. but suddenly a shadow appear in front of him and the little
clown jumps back... the little clown cant see his face....
the man ask the little clown what is the one thing i the world you desire
most.

the little clown tells the man that he want to be the funnies clown i the
world.. the man says ok you have want you wish for.
but the clown started jump around because he was so happy
that he did not here the last part of the deal. so the next time he apply
for a job at a circus... they dint even want to see him do anything... he
just got the job...

the clown was so happy.. but when the day came where he had to
work he was trying out some new things but ever time he did a
trick his nose falls of... and the clown does not know why this is
happing to him....but the little clown decide to the show anyway
but he so nevus....

but when the show start he goes on to the stage the audias start
to lafter a little because we walks funny.. then the nose start to fall..
and the clown try to grap it but fombles around and the nose fall to
the ground... and the audieas cant stop lafing.... and the clown looks
up at the audieas and smile... goes down on his knees to pick up his
nose... but nose rolls any to the other end.... and the chase starts...
he tryes to get the nose with all kinds of different things....

and the audieas have never laft that high before

and the little clown became worlds funnies clown....

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i hope this will give you a idea where i want to go

fwtep
03-13-2005, 04:35 AM
It's a nice story but it's very tricky whenever you have someone who is supposed to be the best-- whether it's the best painter, the best composer, the best clown, etc. For it to really work, the audience either needs to see it and agree, or they need to *not* see it (so it doesn't ruin their imagination). In this instance I think the audience will need to see the clown go from being unfunny to being hilarious. That means YOU have to be hilarious.

Besides that, keep in mind that what you have here is a pretty long "short" film. In order to show everything you want, without rushing through it, the film will need to take its time. It feels to me like it should be about 15-20 minutes.

Also, I'm not sure if the ending is supposed to be happy or not. Partially that is because I can't tell if the clown is happy, and partially because I can't tell if it's supposed to be a shocking twist, like the Twilight Zone, where everyone is laughing but it's a nightmare for him.

fwtep
03-13-2005, 04:44 AM
Double post. Sorry.

Martypt
03-13-2005, 10:20 AM
.............

Martypt
03-13-2005, 10:21 AM
Is very nice.Thanks for posting.:)

MarioV
03-19-2005, 04:31 PM
Just start off with him at a concert or a party or whatnot, and show him FAIL. People start to throw things at him, boo him, etc.

He then walks home, alone. He takes a picture of some famous clown from his pocket. As the camera zooms on the potrait, the clown on the picture turns to life and he is on a concert, being extremely funny in front of a large audience.

We then dissolve into the clown, sad, and droopily walking to his small, beat-up old apartment building.

The next morning, he receives a phone call. He has another gig. A birthday party for a bunch of little 8 year olds. On his way there, he is approached by a mysterious voice in a dark alley. The voice tells him to come closer, he "can make all your dreams come true." At first, the clown doesn't believe him and ignores him, walking on. But then the voice reveals, "I can make you the funniest clown the whole world has ever seen." This catches the clown's attention. He comes closer to the voice, begins to get scared from how long and dark the alley is. When he reaches the end, it's not an alley anymore, but a black void in space, with nothing around him. As he begins to yell, "Hello!," a purple box, say about 2 foot cube, appears floating in front of him. Then the voice reveals, "Inside this box, you will find a watch. Take the watch and wear it. However, whatever you do, do not keep wearing it for more than six hours. If you do..." The clown wakes up from his dream.

His face is full of sweat, and he is breathing faster than normal. The phone rings. The same man tells him of the birthday party gig. [deja vu]. As he is getting ready, he sees that he is wearing the watch from his dream. A scared, yet surprised look appears on his face. He takes off the watch and walks toward the trash can. As he holds up the watch over the trash can, he sees on his mirror the picture of the famous clown, on the left of the picture, he sees his reflection holding the watch over the trash can. He looks at the watch and then to the picture. He slowly puts on the watch.

Ok, right here you can do a lot of things. You can show the clock with some time, say 9am. Then he goes to the party and makes them all laugh. Next could be a series of shots of all his jokes and the kids laughing, but also show the clock rapidly move its hands. The time stops around 2:58 pm. The clown doesn't realize the time so continues being funny. Now, you can make the punishment be a lot of things. Your choice.

Now, the clown is back in his room, sad that he was humiliated or whatnot from the punishment. On a regular day, he takes a stroll around the city. Right here, you can come up with whatever. He does some funny and he makes complete strangers laugh. Happy ending there. Your choice.

Hope this helps!

.J.
04-01-2005, 08:49 PM
for what it's worth, here are some thoughts and questions:


re: "The Curse Clown"

title correction: The Cursed Clown. If you use 'The Curse Clown', that may suggest that the clown has the power to curse and is not the one actually cursed.

re: "this is a Tale about a little Clown that wanted to be the funnies Clown in the world. But nobody wanted to hire him because there is always somebody better then him... and then like all of us when everything is going wrong for the thing we want to do most...."

i like the premise for the story. but is it about ambition and the 'dangers' of ambition? that there are consequences to our choices and actions? is it about luck?

is this clown talented? is there hope that this clown CAN be the funniest clown in the world? can it not be assumed that the clown wants to be the best, yet something is preventing him from achieving it? if so, what is preventing him? or, is the clown not very good? this might be humorous, too, but it should be clear to the audience either way. why is he not getting the jobs?
i'd like to see the clown auditioning for jobs and being a very competent and hilarious clown, but being rejected and denied the jobs anyway; if the clown IS talented, you don't even need to show a bunch of routines. that'd be nice, probably, but you could show the talent as you've described later in the story, by reaction shots. then, after the clown's BEST audition, he still fails to get the job. then, he makes his sad way home.


re: "but on the way there... a man call his name from a dark little alley.. the little clown looks around yes it is you am talking to.. then the little clown start to walk down the little dark alley the clown cant see anyone down there and start to be a bit afraid of what is going to happen.. but suddenly a shadow appear in front of him and the little clown jumps back... the little clown cant see his face.... the man ask the little clown what is the one thing i the world you desire most."

is the alley shadow a real man? or, can it remain a shadow, or at least an unknown entity? if it's an unknown shadow, it can be of this world or beyond. when the shadow asks the clown what he desires, how is the clown reacting? i mean, is the clown still scared? intrigued? answers to these indicate more of the personality of the clown. it's like i'm wondering how professional this clown is or how serious he is or whether or not he is incompetent or a flake. is this alley shadow 'real' or the product of the clown's mind?

re: "the little clown tells the man that he want to be the funnies clown i the world.. the man says ok you have want you wish for. but the clown started jump around because he was so happy that he did not here the last part of the deal. so the next time he apply for a job at a circus... they dint even want to see him do anything... he just got the job...

small detail here: this is an important moment in the story, but the clown is not composed to hear the full details. why? just a short time before, the clown was sad and dejected (i'm assuming the clown is not a happy-go-lucky, easy-going clown, but rather feeling downtrodden after all the rejections), and before that, the clown appears to be very diligent and methodical (he still tries for jobs). so, this clown, who has experienced what he's experienced and yet still tries, to all of a sudden be so joyful that he forgets what's going on in the moment, i'm not going to believe it. it seems out of character. it's too much a 'trick'. maybe try to indicate the clown's excitability and impulsiveness earlier in the story, perhaps as reactions to being denied jobs. then, he gets sad.

is there another possible reason the clown 'just gets the job'? it might help with maintaining suspense as to what the truth about the Curse is within the story.

re: "the clown was so happy.. but when the day came where he had to work he was trying out some new things but ever time he did a trick his nose falls of... and the clown does not know why this is happing to him....but the little clown decide to the show anyway but he so nevus....

i like the detail of a singular thing happening (the nose falling off), and the choice of 'the nose' is great. can you reflect the idea of the nose dropping off in the clown's regular life? i'd like to see that mirrored in the clown's regular life somehow. like some way harkening back to all the auditions, having something connected with the nose.


re "but when the show start he goes on to the stage the audias start to lafter a little because we walks funny.. then the nose start to fall..and the clown try to grap it but fombles around and the nose fall to the ground... and the audieas cant stop lafing.... and the clown looks up at the audieas and smile... goes down on his knees to pick up his nose... but nose rolls any to the other end.... and the chase starts... he tryes to get the nose with all kinds of different things....

and the audieas have never laft that high before

and the little clown became worlds funnies clown...."


hmm...here you've introduced something new. 'he walks funny'. this takes away from the element of the nose. is it just the nose that is Cursed? or, does this mean that from now on, a new thing will go wrong? is it a downward spiral? i'm assuming you mean that the clown, at this point in the story, has become the funniest clown, but through little doing on his part. is this the Curse? what is the consequence of the Curse?

what the clown didn't hear and from what we read in the plot, it's suggested that the Curse might be that something always going wrong, but things working out anyway. it's like before the shadow, the clown was cursed by not getting jobs (should he have gotten those jobs, though?) and now it's like the curse is that he gets the job, reaches his goal, but at the expense of having control over how it plays out. it's like he's reversed the curse! that's an interesting and pretty positive ending. is this the Curse and is it that the clown has adapted to it? like another mentioned, is this a happy ending? or, is it a sad, cursed ending? something in between? it sounds like something in between, since the clown is smiling upon seeing the audience laughing, etc.


sorry if i've added more questions than help. :)

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