CGTalk - Story Solutions.

Totoro

09-19-2006, 11:41 AM

Hi,

I've been working on this project for a while now but need some help with a slogan.
I'm doing a schoolproject that's about a series of commercial for Ben & Jerry's.

The main idea is that the ice cream is sooo delicious that everybody wants to eat it even animals. Basically every commercial begins with a man who finds/eats a large pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. An animal sees the delicious ice cream and gets it but in the end the pint always gets back into the hands of the man.

My initial idea was that the ice cream gets you out of trouble and the slogan was: " Ben & Jerry's: Ice cream that comes to the rescue!" but the stories changed and now the main character actually gets into trouble by eating the ice cream.
Here's an idea for one of the commercials:

Ben & Jerry’s – Phish Food V1

EXT. OCEAN
A fisherman is sitting in his boat with a fishing rod in his hands. The rod begins to move and the man gets excited, he thinks he’s got a big fish on the hook. After some struggling he finally manages to swing his rod up and a big fridge lands in his small boat. He opens the fridge and finds a large pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. It looks delicious and he takes a bite out of the ice cream.

Suddenly big tentacles rise out of the water. A big octopus appears and he’s looking at the large pint of ice cream. The octopus grabs the man, he pulls the pint out of the man’s hands and tosses him into the ocean.

The fisherman drops to the bottom and trips on an iron chain. Then he sees that it’s attached to something (a tub stopper), he pulls and the stopper comes off. All the water of the ocean is being sucked into the hole and the octopus is going down too. He’s sucked/squeezed into the hole and only the tentacle with pint is sticking out of the hole. The fisherman picks up the pint and eats the ice cream.

CUT TO
Pint Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food
Slogan:???

If anyone has suggestions for a slogan or ideas for the story I'd appreciate that.
Thanks!

Canche

09-20-2006, 11:28 PM

I don't know how to end my story. I would like to tell you the story but I don't feel comfortable telling my story in this forum do you think it is possible i can e-mail you the plot of my story. i will apreciated it.
Thank you

ThinkStory

09-22-2006, 06:27 PM

Hi Totoro,

is there a particular ice cream flavor associated with
the project? If so, you may want to incorporate it into
the slogan, depending on whether or not it's appropriate
for the commercial. If I remember correctly, you were
working on Fossil Fuel I think, is this a different one?

Well, either way, the thing to get ideas for slogans going
are just a few "catchy" key words to start with.
For your concept think of phrases like:
big catch
lure in
wheel in
hook
bait

Matching the allure of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and fishing.

Does this help? Let me know.

ThinkStory

ThinkStory

09-22-2006, 06:28 PM

Hi Canche,

sure, just send it over, but be aware that I have a few e-mail
request on queue that I haven't gotten a chance to look at yet
so it may take a week or two before a reply, sorry about that.

ThinkStory

ThinkStory

09-22-2006, 07:36 PM

Hi yahyaehsan,

whao, I almost missed your post there.

Some story developers like to emphasize on the timing of
a story's structure with sets, themes, and things.
But um, I'm not one of them. Having structure is definitely
important and a great tool but that should come after contents.

I guess, I believe that each story has their own structural fit
depending on its characters, events, and themes to make it
"good". Like one message can be delivered in many different
ways and still work. The arrangement on how to deliver that
message depends (at least in my opinion) more on the
ideas than the framing.

So it's kind of hard for me to specify how much time or focus
should be allocated to each of the divisions listed without
knowing more about the story itself.

Like "Character establishing" will depend on how complex
these characters are. If they're simple or the typical cowardly
or heroic type, then not much is necessary, focus more on their
surroundings and the buildup (motivators/influencers) of their
actions.

So can you provide some more details? Like examples of conflicts
that these cats encounter, their actions, and resolutions?

ThinkStory

Angel Jotiko

09-23-2006, 04:20 PM

I went over some of the advices and lessons which flow through this thread-

quite the story building workshop!

ThinkStory I wanted to ask you for a short assistance on a story we guys
have started collaborating, just in terms of the concept creation, but I don't
want to cause a heavy weight on your shoulders, in a way I'm asking
for permission to ask you some questions...

(mostly because I went over some of the replies here and to me it looks like
you done some great work here, you might have also other engagements in your life...)

is it fine?

biancaNieve

09-24-2006, 06:41 PM

Hi Think Story,
I'd really like to thank you for all you help... it's very useful!

I'm working with friends on some short (2-3 min) animation. We are still in school, so we want to practice everything we learned ( all process of making short). We have caracters and basic idea, which is: a girl is walking on the street, and two boys are making gags, trying to annoy her (like Tom and Jerry style). Kids are 7-9 yeras old, and boys are kind of bad, lazy boys, and girl is a cute, good kid. However, they are very annoying, and at the end girl is getting staff ( stick, bat...) from her bag and teach them a lesson : )
I don't want a story to be violent :), more to be fun and show that people are not always as they looks like, and that we shoul be careful and think what we are doing before we act (on funny cartoony way).
That's the basic idea, but when I'm thinking about gags, how to put them in a story and about script as a unit, a get lost:(

I hope that you can give me a little help and show me a good direction.....

thanks

yahyaehsan

09-28-2006, 09:02 AM

Thanks Thinkstory for helping me. I was stuck in this phase and it was a kayos for me. Got your point, will build a story more precise. thanks again for the help.

Totoro

09-28-2006, 07:05 PM

Hi ThinkStory,

Yeah, I was also working on Fossil Fuel. It's a series of 3 commercials: Fossil Fuel, Chunky Monkey and Phish Food. This particular one is the flavor for Phish Food.
Like the Sweet 'n Low commercials with Pink Panther ends with "Think Pink" or JackLinks Beefjerkys has " Feed your wildside". I want to come up with one slogan for all the 3 commercials. But now I can't think of a catchy slogan.

The main idea for the commercials is that the main character gets into danger/ has an adventure when eating the ice cream. Because Ben & Jerry's is about nature and environment protection, I included animals in the commercials.

jerroldchong

09-30-2006, 04:11 PM

Hi ThinkStory,

I am a 15 yr old student, currently working on story ideas for a 3d animation project for next year. My animation would at most be around 5 mins. My animation would have a simple plot, as i am still a beginner in animation :) i already have an idea in mind, but would like some improvements to it.]

Here is it:
In the middle of the night, two electric fans engage in a “soccer match” in a room, playing using a ping pong ball. They set up "goalposts" from common items in the room. To play, they use their generated wind to direct the ball past the "goalposts". Hence, each of them tried to score against the other, but to no avail. [action-packed scenes of how the tried to score] Both “players” got closer and closer to getting the goal and just as one is about to score, the plug of both electric fans suddenly came out of the electric socket. Therefore, without electricity to power them, both were unable to move. then, a small pocket fan (powered by batteries) came hopping by and slowly blew the ball into the goal…

So... there's a little twist at the end of the story. I was also hoping for a small moral/message at the end... Hope that u can provide some inspiration for improvements to my storyline. Thanks in advance :)

jerroldchong

jerroldchong

09-30-2006, 04:26 PM

I will appreciate your help very much.!!..

BarrySmith

10-01-2006, 10:26 PM

I'm working with friends on some short (2-3 min) animation. We are still in school, so we want to practice everything we learned ( all process of making short). We have caracters and basic idea, which is: a girl is walking on the street, and two boys are making gags, trying to annoy her (like Tom and Jerry style). Kids are 7-9 yeras old, and boys are kind of bad, lazy boys, and girl is a cute, good kid. However, they are very annoying, and at the end girl is getting staff ( stick, bat...) from her bag and teach them a lesson : )
I don't want a story to be violent :), more to be fun and show that people are not always as they looks like, and that we shoul be careful and think what we are doing before we act (on funny cartoony way).
That's the basic idea, but when I'm thinking about gags, how to put them in a story and about script as a unit, a get lost:(

Hi BooBetty,

If I may add my voice in here. It sounds like you have the basics of a nice, short film. I think that 2 minutes max can cover the basics. If you want to play off the "people are not always what they look like" you could perhaps make the girl blind. Her tapping along the street, dark glasses on. As the boys see her coming, they snicker and nudge each other. As they taunt her, they get a few gags in (putting something in her path, like a board to make her move side to side to go arund it and they keep moving it or make dog barking noises or something). She reacts by turning around and "accidentally" thwacking one of the boys in the face with her cane. Another noise and she spins and gets in a shot to the groin. Perhaps more noise (like moaning or something) and she moves forward and sricks her cane up a boys nose (who is curled up on the ground from being hit) and pushes him along for a bit. Then perhaps she tucks her cane under her arm (with the end sticking out the back) and bends over to listen more closely to the noses on the ground and *pow* pokes the last boy who was coming up behind her.

Overall a very Charlie Chaplain slapstick feel.

Then as the camera follows her as she walks away, she get a little knowing smile across her lips.

Another variation you could go with is that as she walks away, she tilts her head down and looks over the top of her glasses into the camera and gives a little wink. She's isn't really blind.

If you are up to a little bit of aditional animation, perhaps have one or two people pass in front of the boys and act timidly as the boys give the people a hard time. This sets up the premise that thse boys hang out here all the time and harass anyone who passes by. Thereby giving the little girl a motive for pretending to be blind (if you go that route) and giving the boys some well deserved payback.

Hope this helps.

BarrySmith

10-01-2006, 10:32 PM

I want to come up with one slogan for all the 3 commercials. But now I can't think of a catchy slogan.

Hi Totoro,

I'm not too familiar with your stories, but I had mulled over some slogans based on the premise of the adventurer and ice cream angle.

These are what I came up with:

Taste the Adventure
Adventure in a Waffle Cone
Stay Cool
Chill!
Two Scoops of Fun (or Two Scoops of Cool)
Double Dip Adventures

Hmmmm. I'll leave out all the variations, but the basics are fun, adventure, and ice cream.

Hope this helps.

ThinkStory

10-02-2006, 09:56 PM

Wow, gone for a week and I see there's been
quite a bit of activity on this thread.

Angel Jotiko - I'd really like to help but
"how much help" would depend on the scope
of the project. If you'd like, you can send over
some materials. Let me take a look and see
where we can go!

BarrySmith - Hi! Welcome, and thanks for the help!!
boobetty - BarrySmith's advice is certainly a
good and sufficient method to take out the violence and
provide humor and moral to the story. It should take
your concept to another level, let us know if you want
more direction!

Totoro - OK, gotcha. For an overall slogan, BarrySmith
provided some ideas, I'll just add a few other keywords
and phrases that comes to mind:
Dangerous Instincts/Animal Instincts/Predatory Instincts
Beastly Cravings
Cream to the Extreme
Excite with every Bite

This category is more towards the wild, outdoor side.
The idea is "survival of the fittest," eat or be eaten kinda thing,
depending on whether that'll work with your commercials.

jerroldchong - If you want to add a moral to it, how about
using an electric fan in the end of the story instead?
Two battery fans, agile, quick, and mobile are engaged in a game.
The bulky, old fashioned, table electric fan tries to join in, jumping
forward but gets pulled back, almost as though on a leash.
The two agile fans move away from the clumsy-looking one and
continue their match teasingly. Eventually, their batteries run out
and the old reliable, electric fan scores the goal.

OK, I think I covered everything, let me know if this helps.

ThinkStory

Totoro

10-03-2006, 11:18 AM

BarrySmith, ThinkStory
Thanks alot! These are just the slogans I'm looking for. I think I can work something out with "Taste the Adventure" or the survival of the fittest idea.

biancaNieve

10-04-2006, 09:51 AM

Thanks a lot to both of you. I think that idea is great and it's gonna work pretty good.
Hope you gonna be here to help us for a long time : )

Thanks again

Holis00

10-25-2006, 01:04 AM

My story is supposed to involve 2 characters and a box. The focus is on performance animation. The box could really be anything. A treasure chest, an outhouse, a cereal box, an air conditioner, a lunchbox. Ive had about 10 ideas or so but none have really had a good story, or ending.

It has to be 30 seconds long, and no camera cuts.
It should have a setting, problem, solution and end, and should be funny. Ive realized when you have a lot of bad stuff going on all your funny stories are really kind of, not. Any ideas are welcome.
One of my lame ideas, was a character seeing a box, inspecting it, trying to move it or lift it. When he can't a character inside the box pops out and scares the other guy. It was rejected.
So I welcome any suggestions. Thank you.

dboydesign

10-26-2006, 03:01 PM

Hi ThinkStoy!

I have a problem with a moral or an ending for my short animation story!
To make the the story short. Here is the idea!

Its about a skater that its trying to bust a trick down some stairs.
He fail everytime and hurt himself more and more..
(And heres were the problem comes in)
Finally he landed the trick, but then he is getting hit by a buss.

Another way to make this is:
First time he try to bust the trick he break his leg (or something) then the ambulance is picking him up!
Second time the samething happend..
But the theird time he actually bust the trick, but when he reach the road the ambulance hits him.

This is it... I have no inspiration for the rest or the end.. And it doesnt have any moral..
It sucks.. But i like the idea and want to make it about and skater who tries to bust this trick. And I woud be really happy if u coud give me some tips or anything that can make my brain functionell again hehe..

The animation cant be shorter than 2min or longer then 10min.. This is a project that I will spend rest of the school year on.. It have to be finnished around Juny 2007. So I have the time. But really want everything ready for animation and rendring until new year.

Thank you for this incredible threed.

Regards Daniel

SHMW

11-03-2006, 06:47 PM

Although I haven't post a question here before, I'm a regular subscriber to it and hey, I don't mean to offend anybody but is it me or are some recent posters starting to take advantage of this thread?

Looking at some of the new stuff, people are asking ThinkStory for like story stuff that has like little-to-no basis whatsoever. I think ThinkStory is a incredibly nice guy who came to offer a lot of help to those who's stuck on story problems and to help with storytelling but NOT to help you come up with your stories FOR YOU. I think he deserves to be paid for that, man. You guys/girls should hire the guy if you're like asking him to do your work.

Sorry, I don't mean to buttin but it just this doesn't seem right, man.

ThinkStory, I don't know how you see it but, I'm just a bystander and that's what I'm seeing. The people who's posting should really give some more thoughts to their projects before asking somebody who's just doing this because they're nice enough to make the offer.

ThinkStory

11-16-2006, 07:37 PM

Hi, I'm back. Sorry, it's been like a month and a half.

SHMW, thanks. I appreciate your comments, there is truth
to it in that I really would like for posters to provide more
contents on what their stories are. I don't want to discourage
anybody to post. Even if the question sounds stupid, don't
be intimidated. I don't mind at all. It's not a problem.
Just that do put some thought to it first and really work on it.

Story developing is most interesting and effective when you
make it a personal thing. Stories relates and comes from the heart.
There are no recopies, no cookie-cutter, they should be individualistic
and stylized with the storyteller. The thing is, I understand if you're
not a "story person" but if you are to tell a story, own it. I want to
help you tell your stories but not to, as SHMW said, make it "for you."
I have my own stories too and if you'd like me to present you one
that I've done, I'm more than happy to but, yeah, it's a personal
thing and I'd like to ask for credit for doing it.

Holis00 and dboydesign, I do have some advice for you though.
I've gotten quite a few of these questions before and it kind of
comes down to the same problem. And it's that what you
have are more like "scenarios" as opposed to "stories", there
are constraints and opportunities but no theme, purpose, or
resolution.

It's something that's often encountered when developing a story
out of scratch. The trouble is you're chasing for an idea that does
not yet exist in your head, and eventually you get tired of searching
because IT'S NOT THERE. If a room is empty, there's nothing to
be found. And it's hard to just "put something there" and make it
work cause, hey, if you had something handy, you would've done
that a long time ago. The trick is don't go looking for it, let it come
to you. When I taught, I used to spend an entire session on how to
get over this so I don't know how much I can cover here but here's
a quickie version of what you can do.
Try this (you really have to put in an earnest effort for this to work):
Set aside some time, any place, anywhere. And just sit back.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath. And breathe out SLOWLY.
Clear your mind, clear out EVERYTHING. Make it blank.
Like you have no preconceptions or memory.
Don't let your knowledge, feelings, or personality get in the way--
it will though at an unconscious level but that's a good thing and that's
what we want.

Once you're completely relaxed and comfortable, open your eyes
and just look at the things around you like you've never seen them
before. Like if you see a chair, ignore that it's a chair, its use,
its shape, its color. And just let yourself IMAGINE.
Anything. Imagine anything. Don't think about your story or the
need to create one. Just imagine like a kid and have fun. And an
idea will come to you. It might not be 100% story material the
first time around but ideas like ones you would've never thought
of before will come and it'll help, and it'll work somehow with
your story.

Really, try it. It's kind of weird but many find it amazingly successful.
If you are to create a story starting from scratch, and no amount of
thinking or reasoning seems to work, try starting from scratch.

As always, let me know if it works for you.

dboydesign

11-16-2006, 11:07 PM

Hi again!

Thank you very much for your help! I am totally agreed with you! It really help a lot!
I feel kind of bad to ask so much from you! This is my problem but not yours!

When I post my last reply, I was so confused! And so scared, because I coudnt think and I coudnt work! Usually I allways get a lot great ideas. But this time I was really stuck and this was my last chance to get some help! Actually my story have changed a lot! We had this course for scripts, when I was sitting there. She talk about things that is very important when your making a script! Like "make the audience to think something, then surprise them with another twist." Or use colors for feelings. Like American Beauty! One of the best movies ever. It haves everything.. Everything in that movie is amazing.

Sorry fall off the track there.. When I was sitting there and the teacher talk about all this things.. Then suddenly my inspiration just started to flow, It was so much things that happend. I started to look in a another direction, and saw things in a new perspective.

From that day I changed my script! I have decided to make a short film with lot of feelings mix up with comedy! My goal is to make the audience have the same feeling for this character that I have.. Love him like I do! "THE CHARACTER"..

And everything you wrote back help me even more... Thank you very much! If you sometime need help for something with 3d or story, please let me know. And I will try my best to help you out!

BR Daniel

ThinkStory

11-17-2006, 03:46 PM

Hi dboydesign,

you're very welcome!! Glad it was helpful!

I also like your new direction much better.
Story and character depth is GOOD.

"If you sometime need help for something with 3d or story,
please let me know. And I will try my best to help you out!"

Hey, you bet! I will, and excited to have made a new friend!

ThinkStory

theanimeister

11-20-2006, 04:10 PM

hi thinkstory ;) i have read some of your story solutions and im really impressed. which also made me to post my initial storyline here which ill be doing for a school project (a 3d short) hoping that you could somehow share your personal thoughts regarding the plot of my story or the production design ill be using for this one. I'll GREATLY appreciate any comments from you and also to those who wish to share their ideas, pls. do so. be greatly appreciated as well.

Im not really a good storywriter so pls. pardon me if my story pitch sucks. pls ask questions if you don't understand whatever i posted here ;) im excited to hear responses. BTW, ill be doing a 3dshort about the end time events (based on the book of revelation) from the Bible/ the part where the antichrist holds power (666). i want the story fictional because i want it to take place in a sci-fi environment which will run approx. about 8-10 mins. so really short.

so here goes:

Rapture is a pre-tribulation experience where Christians or believers of Christ disappear and be caught up in the air to meet the Savior. Those who will be left behind will suffer the rule of the Anti-Christ. There will be a high tech civilization where buildings are extremely high and means of transportation are all in the air.

The Antichrist will turn the whole world into a cashless control system. No one can buy nor sell without the mark of the beast, the 666. Everything will be under his control. There will be no food, no house, no jobs, no water, nothing can be availed if one has no mark on their foreheads or right hand. Anybody that doesn’t go along with global new world order tyranny will be watched, will be controlled, will be tracked.

The story revolves around a young girl who grew up in a Christian family but she delays her acceptance of salvation because there are many things that she’s not yet ready to give up. One night when she woke up she realized that her mom was missing which also gave her an idea that rapture has taken place which caused millions of people missing. It’s a sign for the rise of the new world order, The reign of the Antichrist has come and is starting to dominate the nation and the world. Every people shall receive the 666 mark for there will be no food, no house, no jobs, no water, nothing can be availed if one has no mark on their foreheads or right hand. As she left the house trying to seek refuge from her grandpa (the closest kin) and her closest friends, she was being chased by the “666soldiers”. Later, She was terrified to know that her loved ones including her grandpa and close friends already received the mark on their foreheads and right hands. She remembered what her mother told her when she was still young about its consequences and she did not want it to happen to her. At the end, after being chased by the soldiers, she was caught and brought to their headquarters. She was given an option to accept the mark or be killed if she didn’t. She was able to witness how people who refused to accept the mark wearing white gowns and tortured to death. It is a test of faith for her whether to accept the mark or refuse it. Accept and live with the new order rule but suffer the everlasting fire of hell or refuse and suffer the punishment of the beast but assured of a life eternal in heaven when she dies./end

it's not yet clear in my head how they're gonna get persecuted..like in what way?
btw, the girl in the story decided NOT to recieve the mark and die instead. Do u have any suggestions on how to handle this scene? a good dialogue maybe? i wanted to put more drama at the end like flashbacks, etc. I need suggestions on how will i end the story before the ending credits :( hope you guys can help me out.

i hope you get what i'm trying to convey here. THANKS A LOT!

jipe

11-26-2006, 01:55 AM

i've been developing a story for an animated short for the past few months... i "finished" the script a bit ago, and am looking for feedback from anyone willing to read it (only 5.5 pages!). i don't want to influence anyone's interpretation by giving a "tell-all" summary, so i'll preface the link by saying that the piano plays a big part in the film, and that i'd like the visual style to resemble a moving painting.

"prelude script" (http://personal.bgsu.edu/~jlevass/prelude.pdf)

in addition, i've been maintaining a blog (http://animatorsdream.blogspot.com), which features concept drawings of the two main characters as well as a YouTube clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjw_JEmTW8w) testing out my painterly style on some DV footage.

i appreciate any feedback ThinkStory or anyone else would like to provide. thank you in advance!

jim

gchamber

11-27-2006, 05:16 PM

Hi Thinkstory.
I'm having some trouble developing a story for my master thesis. I have a general concept, but that's about it. My strength lies in modeling/lighting and rendering, so I'd like to show off those atrributes. I've been reading Sherry Tuckles's books on the creation of a Second Self through an individual's interaction with the computer. In my story the main character is interacting with her second 'identity' through a mirror. The main character becomes envious of her second self, and which ultimately lends to her own undoing. In the end the audience realizes that the "mirror" was actually a computer screen.
I'd like to keep the action minimum due to my not great animation skills. I'd like the story to show the passing of time. The main character's health slowly deteriorates from envy. But as far as the action/interaction between the characters... I 'm really stumped. I could really use some feedback on how to get ideas, to just give up and start over, etc. I really like this premise, and would like the story to have a psychological undercurrent. Thanks so much for creating this thread and helping out the writing challenged.

ThinkStory

11-28-2006, 09:49 PM

ThinkStory

11-28-2006, 10:27 PM

Hi jipe,

I read your script, interesting concept!

The main thing I would recommend to focus on is the presentation.
(Though usually easier said than done.) It's particularly important
for your story because it's more driven by emotions of the characters
than the events around them.

The music will play a huge part in your story. I'm imagining
that there'll be a mix of confusing, messy sounds and some
bold, crisp ones, keep those two distinguished very clearly for
the audience.

Also wondering what are your plans for color and whether or
not it will work into your story.

Another thing is when I read it, the images that first appeared
in my mind were kind of fresh and metro, matching with the
new era of jazz but, I checked out your blog, and found it
resembling more of the older, traditional, classical kind.
Which is pretty interesting.

Really up to you on which way you go but if you have more
concepts posted up, let me know, I'd be interested to check it out.

If there's anything specific you would like more feedback on,
just ask.

ThinkStory

ThinkStory

11-28-2006, 10:44 PM

Hi gchamber,

how about telling your story in a collection of acts and excerpts, all
involving the interaction your character has with the mirror?
Since you're trying to stay away from the animation but are great
with modeling, lighting, and rendering, try changing from scene
to scene and the passage of time through tone and mood.

Also experiment with moving images like merging from one still to
another while maintaining the motion of the characters. Keeping
it a little blurry, phase from one facial expression to the next
and switch between the characters, it'll add to the psychological
aspect as well. Another thing to do is complement the visual with
your audio, like the audience can see the lips move but the words
overlap and echo between the shifting of the two characters.

Does that sound like something you're looking for?

ThinkStory

gchamber

11-29-2006, 01:48 AM

hey thanks alot for the advice. It definetly gives me a few more ideas and possible directions to take. Thanks for the input.

theanimeister

11-29-2006, 04:54 AM

Hi theanimeister,

a way to end a story like that will be to frame a theme around it.
It's philosophical, so wrap it up that way. Think about what's been
holding your character back, tying her to her world, her values.
You mentioned that "there are many things that's she's not yet
ready to give up." Do you know what those things are?

Make them explicit and bring that up again when she makes
her DECISION, and have the character's conflict revolve around
whether to give in to temptation or sacrifice but find what
she's been looking for or has been running away from.

Does that help, does it make sense?

ThinkStory

hi thinkstory,

that's almost the same idea inside my head and thanks for confirming. :D My idea is to have the girl a moment of silence where she can reflect herself, what her decisions will be. then ill put up a flashback scene where she and her mom talking one night @ bed when she was still little kid. Her mom talks about the rapture and accepting the savior before she dies to reach the heavens. then that moment (flashback) gave a strong impact wit her decision to make. how does it sound?

im just afraid of not coming up wit a good dialogue. its my weakness. i know good dialogues can really make a scene effective. :(

anyway thanks thinkstory for your time. really appreciate it :D

Arenyth

11-30-2006, 12:36 AM

Thinkstory:

I think what you're doing here is great. If you have the time, I'd really like to see if you can help me with mine as well.

It's the story of a sky fisherman, who has lost his way and meaning in life. He fishes day after day, just making the catch to make the money. He's become an angry old man, and there is no joy in his life anymore.
One day while bringing up his latest catch, a golden fish cuts his line. He's angry, but seeing such a rare fish he's filled with greed and sets off to catch that particular fish. The fish takes the bait... but is too strong for him, and pulls him through the vast sea of clouds. He's holding on for dear life, but is more determined than ever to catch the fish. In the chase, the wind blows off his hat, and we see that he's become younger, and is having fun. He's forgotten the reason he became a fisherman, for the love of the game and the chase itself.

The story ends with the fisherman catching the fish and deciding to return it to the "sea", in hopes of trying to catch it again one day.

My problem is that I'm trying to find a way for the conflict to come to an end. My thesis has to be a linear narrative, so I need a conflict and a resolution. But I can't for the life of me figure out what will bring the chase to a stop in a climactic way. And should he catch the fish? Would it be better that he doesn't catch the fish, but is happy anyway?

Any advice at all on this would be most helpful and appreciated. Thank you so much.

/story is copyright Cara Antonelli 2006 (obligatory)

Omarios

11-30-2006, 12:51 PM

woooooow

thinkstory
thanks a lot for takin the time to write all of that to help us all
am really learnin from ur expertise...am about to finish all of the posts...wooow
i think u applyin ur profession like that is givin me lots and lots to think about...
rather than reading a book with a one perspective at writing stories
ever thought of writing a book???
thanks again

SandeepMaithani

12-04-2006, 05:50 AM

Hi Think Story
Thanks a lot for the ideas shared..really helped a lot.
this is how mine one goes

There's a guy, 3 yrs old whose parents are working and is imotionally deprived...he stays at home most of the times and only time out is at the playgroup school for one hour and some time in the evening.....well, this part is well knitted..
There's a construction site near his home and he sees a truck coming everyday to the site to dump some material.now this guy thinks that this truck is kinda playing with him, dancing for him and starts taking that truck as his freind as he's regular. doses what he likes and never complains.
Now this guy wants to go out with this truck to see the world aroound and one fine day he gets a chance...they both set out on a journey where they face some situations which brings them more closer and makes the little guy more mature and understanding which makes him come back to his family.
Now this is the loose part and i'm looking for some suggestions onto how those situations can be knitted together so that it holds that imotional punch witha lot of excitement as well.
and onto the end part as well...what do u think how it could end!!
Hope i was able to convey it properly..

Brgds

Sandy

jussing

12-04-2006, 12:44 PM

Hey ThinkStory, isn't it time for a little mini-biography of you? It's really impressive to see you invest all this time helping others with their stories. :)

Cheers,
- Jonas

jussing

12-06-2006, 12:56 PM

For inspiration, here is a description of an SAS commercial from some years back. It's a good example of telling a story in a minimum of time.

An enthusiastic kid runs down the aisle of a commercial airliner, finds his seat and looks out the window.

(he's flying without parents)
A man taps him on the shoulder, shows his ticket, tells him to move over. He has the window seat. The kid moves, disappointed.
In-flight. The man is reading, not even looking out the window, while the kid is trying to get a look out the window, at the clouds passing by. The man is clearly annoyed with the kid, and won't let him look.
The man turns down the shades for the window, and goes to sleep. Ultimate disappointment for the kid, not there's nothing to see at all, and the man isn't even using the window himself.
Later - the man wakes up, the kid is gone. The man has had a beverage, and he needs to go to the bathroom.
The man arrives at the end of the queue to the toilet - lots of impatient people waiting in line.
In the bathroom, the kid is sitting on the toilet, happy, looking out the bathroom window, in no hurry at all.
The commercial closes with the information that new SAS flights have windows in the bathroom, too.
Analyzing it, I think these are the building blocks it boils down to:

A wants "GOAL"
B prevents A from getting "GOAL"
A finds another way to get "GOAL", a way which is a much bigger problem to B than if B had given A "GOAL" in the first place.
Which I guess is a typical Tom & Jerry/Road Runner/Tex Avery scenario, they just drag the middle part to any number of minutes, filled with gags that show A and B struggling:

mouse wants cheese
cats prevents mouse from getting cheese (and wants to eat mouse, too)
we follow their battle around the house (act II)
cat ends up getting caught/damaged in his own traps
mouse gets chesse, mamma comes home and blames cat for mess
Some things to observe in the SAS commercial:

Zero time for introductions, backstory or deep characters. Characters are shallow and symbolic, because we need to read them instantly. So they pick stereotypes that we know from everyday life:

- The enthusiastic kid who wants to sit at the window is easy to understand, because we've all been there (hell, even as a grown man, I still want the window seat to look at the cool clouds)

- The annoying man is any annoying person on the bus, plane or in the movie theatre. Somebody who won't move over, because he has "the right" to the seat, even if he's not using it, or whatever.

Of course you can't use these types if you're doing fantasy or SF, but then you can draw from clichés, and make monsters, knights and kind- or mean-looking wizards, they'll read instantly, too.
While the kid is definitely the protagonist, and the man is the antagonist, the man is actually the one who learns something, not the kid: He was punished by his own ego - if he'd just given the kid the window seat in the first place, he wouldn't have been blocked from using the bathroom.

The morale that hits the villain is "what goes around, comes around". "You get what you deserve". "Be to others as you want them to be to you". "Bad guys always get their comeuppance".... or something like that.
The final twist: the kid's solution to the problem is perfect, because:

- it gives him what he wants (A gets GOAL)

- it teaches the bad guy a lesson (B gets punished for not giving GOAL to A)

- we didn't see it coming (we didn't know how A was going to get GOAL)

BUT, the "didn't see it coming" part is tricky here. In a normal story, you can NOT pull the solution to the problem out of the blue, that's a cop-out, anyone can write that, and the story falls flat. The only reason it works here, is that the very purpose of the commercial is to tell us something we didn't already know - that the new planes have windows in the toilets. In a stand-alone story you'd need to set it up (which is difficult, because you only have 20 seconds, so no time to set up something subtle that you want the audience to forget about before the ending), or otherwise connect the solution to something that makes sense.
There. Hope somebody can use this for something. Feel free to add to the analysis.

Cheers,
- Jonas

Infinity2208

12-07-2006, 09:40 AM

Hey guys,

Im currently doing my final year project and I greatly need your thoughts about my story.
Currently we have a team of 5 people and we are given 10 weeks to work on a short animated clip. About 1min to 1min 30secs. Here are the details of the story we thought of.

This short clip is about a pufferfish and a boy.
A boy brought a pufferfish home and places it into his tank. He was very curious as he did not know what a pufferfish can really do. So he places his face and hands on the glass tank. That frightened the fish as the image of the boy looked distorted to it, thus creating the frightening look. The fish then starts to bloat. Then we decided to exaggerate things by making the fish bloat so big, it burst out of the tank. The boy used his toys for self-defence e.g. toy sword, balls, rc cars. Those toys did not seem to work as the fish bloated even larger. Then we'll show the boy being squeezed out of his window. The house will break apart and the pufferfish emerges from within.

The is the concept we thought of so far. It is actually intended as a gag for the audience to enjoy and laugh at. The pace of the animation will pick up when fish starts to bloat. The fun part iwill be the interaction between the boy and the fish, how the fish actually intimidates the boys with its size. The fish's character is one which is very easily agitated and the boy will be a cute and curious one.
We will be using lots of dynamics and playing around with the animation between the boy and the fish. We will exaggerate the might of the pufferfish e.g. spikes scraping through the walls and ceiling, windows shattering etc. However, the problem is we have not thought of a suitable ending for the clip. We just plan to make the fish do something stupid and realising that he is actually not that big.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Especially with the ending. thanx a lot guys and have a nice day.

finally86

12-08-2006, 03:46 AM

Hi Thinkstory,

I am working with a team on a concept for animation, and is in need of some useful comments and ideas. It will be a narrative poetic story, like Tim Burton's films.

I will start the story:

There was two archeaologists, both husband and wife, and their pet, which is a pig. In search of historical artifacts, they settled down with a little house in the middle of wasteland. However, a landslide occurs and took his wife's life, covering the whole area.

So the man ended up with a painful heart, wearing ragged clothing and walking around the wasteland searching for his wife's remains. The pig will be sticking along with its master, with a torch on top of its head, helping to sniff for his wife's remains. Whenever the man found a valuable, like a watch, he would threw it away.

Suddenly, the pig went up a tiny sand hill, and a thing threw by the man hit the pig, which ended up the pig rolling down into the hole, which led to his house covered by the sand. Trying to save the pig, he went into the hole and found out that his wife's hat was struck between the hardened sand.

He felt quite delighted and went to pull the hat, but it did not budge. He continued to pull, but each action caused the sand to shake. The pig felt that trouble was coming by, and warned its master, but he ignored it.

The shake became more and more, the man took out the hat and carried his pig, throwing it out of the hole. In the end, he was buried alive.

In the ending sequence, we will show the pig digging for its master instead.
________________________________

We hoped to get more ideas as we felt that the ideas were not that strong enough, thanks for the help in advance!

ThinkStory

12-14-2006, 07:50 PM

Wow, lots of posts, let me try to cover everything
and if I missed anybody, let me know.

Arenyth - I like your idea. You’ve got the story but it’s
missing something to pull it all together. It’s a visual driven
concept so I think it would be best to throw in a piece of symbolism
to make it work. How about the sky fisherman ties a star to his
fishing rod as his bait? When we are introduced to him, the star
has lost its sparkle and dull looking. The golden fish snaps it off
which sends him off to the chase.

In the end, I don’t think he should catch the fish. The idea of
the story is that he has lost the point of the game, the thrill of
the chase, then finds it again, like athletes who strive for
something that may or may not be attainable but they try
anyway for the ride, not for the goal. So not catching the
"goal" will give continuity to the story.

As the final conflict, he should be CLOSE to catching it but
as he’s pulling it up, he pulls the bait that the fish swallowed
instead—the star. But it is no longer the star that we saw before,
it looks renewed and shimmering bright again, symbolizing how
the golden fish returned the spark that the fisherman once lost before.

sandy_maith - Hmm…for some reason, I have a hard
time conceptualizing your story. I’d like to think I have a
pretty well-rounded story schema, but I’m not quite sure
where to fit this one. Maybe I need some more information.
For starters though, perhaps the lead character is a little too
young. Physically, 3 year olds are still pretty small, kinda clumsy,
and not very agile at this point. Intellectually, they’re just
around preschool time with vocabulary spanning 200 and 300
words but they’re not really good at stringing them together so
only about 3/4 of their speech are understandable. Then again,
this is animation world so we can fuzz up things but if we go too
far out of the norm, the character might no longer look 3 years old,
so it depends on how much talking and moving around your
character needs to do. Also note that their emotional spans are
limited too.

As for the truck, is it supposed to be personified? Like does it
have human characteristics? Is it fantasy like or is it really
an inanimate object that the child "imagines" to have human
characteristics? I’m a bit stuck on the style of the story, so I
think knowing this would really help. Also, what kind of adventures
do you think they’ll be having, can you provide an example?

Infinity2208 - An oversized pufferfish, that’s cute.
So how do you end a piece like that? Let’s try giving the boy
character a little more background to wrap this up. A lesson to
be learned kind of thing. Maybe do a quick intro on how the boy
is bit of a bully in the neighborhood, you can put this in the
beginnning as he’s brining the pufferfish home.

On his way, he’s running and crushes somebody’s toy car,
maybe there’s a party and he pops his little sister’s balloon.
After he does this to the other kids he smiles back and we see
there’s something distinct from his smile like there’s a slit between
his two front teeth.

When he reaches home like you said, he dumps the fish in the tank
and frightens it. The fish expands, eventually crushing his toys
and popping his balloons with its spikes and squeezes him out of
the house. The whole place falls apart and the fish is like
rolling down the street, down the hill, with the boy running in
front of it like Indiana Jones until they reach the harbor
(I’m thinking they live by the seaport).

And this giant fish ball thing is rolling down the dock forcing
the boy to jump. They fall in the water and the pufferfish finally
contracts but surfaces to turn to the boy with a smile and we see
that the fish also has that trademark between its teeth. The boy
looks at it with surprise. Closing credits.

The whole thing is really just for the gag but giving the
characters some personality will round it out more.

And finally. finally86 - About how long is your story supposed to be?
I just want to understand how much focus will be placed on which
part of the story. Because it’s poetic, it should evoke some feeling
or idea from the audience but without the rhythm, it’s hard to
understand what that theme or idea is. Based on the outline, there’s
a list of events in the story but the connection between them is
not very clear, like the meaning to them. It’s the job of the audience
to interpret a poetic story into whichever way they see it but it’s the
job of the storytellers to know the between-the-lines stuff so there
is consistency in the message being conveyed. So, can you explain
a little about the pieces that make up the story?

Thanks, omarpac!
I’m glad the forum is helping out people who are reading it!
It’s funny that you’re suggesting me to write a book because
I’d LOVE to and was really thinking about it several weeks back.
The thing is, I’d really need to think about what to put into it so it
doesn’t go pass 1,000 pages of me just blabbering. I can’t stand
reading how-to books that goes on and on about a single topic.
So if I were to write one, I’d try to make everything as simple to
read and as straight forward as possible. I need to get the planning
done but that’s not my biggest obstacle, which would probably be
looking for a publisher. I could motivate myself to sit down to write
everything but finding the time to researching and attracting the
right publisher/distributor and legal stuff would be the tough part
for me and that’s kind of been what’s holding me back. So, I
don’t know, any suggestions?

SandeepMaithani

12-15-2006, 01:27 PM

Thanks for the reply think story..

Its basically the childs own world vs real world......and the truck is a mediator......this is my own son i'm referring to...he has his own small world and there's actually a truck whom he thinks is his freind.....he's been asking a lot of questions to this truck and me also...as to what is the material that truck dumps everyday??why thr truck is digging, whats the guy doing in the truck and the list is endless....he at times says that he wants to move out with him.....at times i take him to the site and he's the world's happiest person to sit in the truck....he dosent wnna come out of that....gives us a hard time....i hope now u understand where i come from.....
The treatment is going to be stylized only....may be something on the lines of the characters in CARS.

The truck is going to be his mentor, guide, friend as the child likes everything about him....which is not the case with anybody else around him.....
This truck is a mature guy who makes him understand things beyond his this thinking with the things happening around them while on journey and brings him back happily to his family.....i'm sure i was able to make this more meaningful to u ....

so.......may be, i'm the child and u r the truck here...hehee

Thanks a ton

Brgds

Sandy

chaoticreality

12-24-2006, 01:53 PM

Hello ThinkStory,

I am currently in the process of devising a concept for a cinematic level film that I'd like to make for personal purpose. I would like your thoughts on this concept. In my mind id like to give most of the shots a symbolic outlook and some parts to be narrative.

Broken Heart

A king lived in the middle of the Arab lands ruling ruthlessly over his subjects. He instilled fear amongst his enemies and friends. None dared challenge his authority. But change was forthcoming.

A child was born to the ruthless king. Days passed until the child went to become a man known to be the only son of a king. One day while passing a street the son witnessed something he hadn’t witnessed before. The execution of the innocent, women, men and children being gathered up for failing to pay taxes. They were according to kings orders, to be executed and stripped of all property. The son tried to stop this charade but to no avail. They were ruthlessly executed and some acquired as slaves.

Little did the king know that his orders were to sow the seeds of decent in his own son and people. The son was perplexed to learn the extent of people’s misery. How the powerful had exploited the powerless. How corruption and nepotism had destroyed peoples lives, it also destroyed the sense of purity, honor and high esteem the son had for his father.

A change was forthcoming, a change that would touch every part of the kingdom. The only son to the king had now become the King’s worst enemy. Bent on ridding the kingdom from fathers ruthless rule. The son had assembled an army to challenge his father and all that he stood for. The father tried to reason with the son but found his overtures to be futile. Both son and father had concluded to meet in battle.

The best were assembled from both sides of the armies. The only advantage the King had was his experience of long battles and thus was successful in breaking through the ranks of his sons army. During battle the King had killed his own son. The king achieved victory in battle but lost more than what he had, His only son and heir to the throne. The king realized that even though winning the battle he had in fact lost everything.

The King brought into tears from the death of his son, afterwards was never the man he used to be. Now a lonely soul with a broken heart. Never would he go to conquer nor plunder. Never would he order the killing of the innocent. The son had succeeded in instigating a change by making the ultimate sacrifice of his own life. The only regret was that a heart had to be broken and blood spilled to make a King realize that tyranny would no longer be part of his kingdom.

The king lived a life of seclusion until his death.

Thank you in advance for your help.

Omarios

12-26-2006, 12:08 AM

hello think story,
i really cant offer any help on publishing your book as i dont have any experience there....
am really embaressed to ask u for help...i think u shud really get paid for giving out such free valuable advice and takin ur time to do so....
can i post my story so u wud help me...

Knokle

01-06-2007, 10:40 AM

hello think story
i need your advice
for a good animation ussually take a good software
which ones a good software to take a good animation ?
and why ?
thanks for your advice

sa999sa

01-07-2007, 10:01 AM

Ali, very well written, i didn't know u are that good story teller! :)

Message is complete, characterization is almost complete, but write it in details with other characters and treatment.

regards
Samiullah

buro

01-08-2007, 11:07 AM

CGRater

01-12-2007, 03:56 PM

i know its been very long since you started this thread but i guess its very important to keep such threads alive. i request you to find some time out of your schedule and lets discuss some good stories here.

See you soon

Buro, man, that was uncalled for.
I mean, you said it in a somewhat nice way but I thought that was kind of rude, man.
If anything, I think it DISCOURAGES people to post. "I REQUEST you FIND SOME TIME OUT of your schedule??"
Come on, somebody tell me that doesn't sound harsh to you.
ThinkStory's doing this for zippo reason other than just being plain nice.
This is VOLUNTEER man, and you're like "yo, post here and give us good stories"

For what? Because you say so?
He's done this for over a year and half and I'm NOT saying he should stop but it's like holiday time and maybe he's just taking some time off. And from what I know, through my PMs with him, ThinkStory works like 24/7 and is always doing SOMETHING so the fact that he's taking time out for this forum is already like really a favor.

I don't mean to sound negative but I don't think he needs to be reminded that he should be reading and posting here. Look at all his posts, he answers EVERY question posted here, tries to help out, and offered a lot to people. And what do YOU (or any of us) have to offer him??

Think about THAT and THEN say, "yo, book a time on your schedule and come here to post."

jussing

01-12-2007, 04:38 PM

Buro, man, that was uncalled for.
...
"I REQUEST you FIND SOME TIME OUT of your schedule??"
Maybe the poster isn't so fluent in English. Maybe "request" is just a Babelfish-translation of "ask", as in "please". :shrug:

It could just be a fair proposition with an unlucky translation.

- Jonas

CGRater

01-12-2007, 09:35 PM

jussing, yeah I agree with you.
Maybe it's just bad translation but still, if somebody wrote that to me, I'd be a bit put off about it. Different people interpret differently so who knows what ThinkStory think when he sees it but any other person who dont know about the translation thing (assuming it's true) would not feel too good after reading it. I know I wouldn't, put yourself in the other person's position, know what I mean?

siouxfire

01-13-2007, 10:48 PM

Definitely think it's a translation error. Living in the European language blender, I see this kind of thing every day or end up inadvertently making this situation myself. Then there are the Americans in London who inadvertently say "fanny"... makes me cringe just thinking about it.

Knokle

01-14-2007, 07:02 AM

Im so sorry for everyones in this forum...:sad:
im verry sorry to post a words like before in this forum..wrong words...
im sorry to my bad engglish....
but thanks for everyones who remember me about my stupid mistake
thanks a lot.......its never ben happen again (i hope so)..

Thanks...

ThinkStory

01-19-2007, 04:08 PM

Hi, I'm back.
It's been about a month. CGRater, you were right I was pretty much on break,
I finished several projects I was working on and decided to do some traveling.
For once in a long long time, I didn't bring my laptop or connect to the Internet,
that was fun, really took it easy. Probably not that great an idea economically as
airfares tend to go WAY up during this season but, boy, I needed to get out.

And for the translation/not translation thing...guys, it doesn't matter. I understand.
Only thing is that, I do try to check the forum whenever I get a chance so no need to
post to remind me, if I read your reminder, I read the questions too, correct?
And just as before, sorry it took so long, it's making me wonder if I should continue
the forum. Con is that I can't guarantee a regular response time, pro is I can at least
help out whenever possible. So I'll keep it open as long as people understand that
there may be long delays in response time.

O.K., so back to the juicy stuff:
sandy_maith - Good that you posted an explanation, the fact that this is your son
does clarify the reason you chose this concept. So to answer your original question on
how to wrap this up, the biggest challenge is really how do you break the attachment
that the boy has with the car and return to his family. That will be the major obstacle
from a storytelling perspective. So the thing to do here is to find out what it was that
led to the connection in the first place. Understand that I'm speaking of the story's
character, and not your son. That's one of the differences between the real world and
story world. In the real world, often, motives don't require a rational explanation but
in story world, you're trying to get the audience to believe your idea so there needs
to be some kind of rational.

Throw in a specific problem that the boy is facing and the car helps him with it, as an
example, the car provides an escape to the boy for something. And, literally as well as
figuratively, the boy CAN "escape" with the car where he later finds out that the thing
he's trying to run away from is no longer a problem so he returns. Is this the kind of
frame work you were asking for to pull the story together?

Ali - You sort of have that classical father vs. son battle turned over. It's a twist to
the traditional story of the child overpowering the parent thing. It's a good concept,
the tricky part will be to present it in a way so that the audience will have a sense of
closure and not disappointment after the film. I mean, the viewers should feel bad that
the son (the so called "good guy") lost but they should also recognize that the ACTUAL
war he fought has been won and that part needs to be worthwhile.

omarpac - Sure, as I say to all posters, if you have a question, feel free to post.

Knokle - No need to apologize, I don't think the translation comment was meant for
you. As for the best animation software, I'm really no expert. I'm more on the
concept and design area, I do dabble a little with illustration but I'm sure the actual
animation gurus would be albe to help you better in selecting the right software for
you. I think there are a number of other threads in CGtalk specifically related to the
topic, so maybe check on the main forum for those?

Okay, I think I covered every question posted, let me know if I missed anything!

chaoticreality

01-19-2007, 04:45 PM

thank you ThinkStory for all the help and insight :)

SandeepMaithani

01-24-2007, 01:40 PM

Thanks a ton for the insight Think Story...that was indeed a great help...i'll post the story soon

Brgds

Sandy

killermachine

01-25-2007, 08:40 AM

hi thinkstory. i read this thread an i'd its nice one started.since ur helping ur out i thought i's sought some help too.im trying to create a comic with digitalsol(he is on cgtalk too). this is what it has come til story wise

hazard men

two guys, nagi and sol live in new delhi which had been stuck by economic depression in 2020.sol has a stable job and nagi is a struggling artist.both continue with their daily life in day and in night they are hazard men.a duo who does anythin til its givin them money,widout a consent of good or bad.But they are good by heart so once in a while they help needy too,but they always land in a humorous pile of trouble.sol is a genious and a smart mouth and nagi a brawn of the team and an agile human.once they save an old man from an ambush but get hurt very critically.stuck between life and death situation,they are saved by the same old man who embosses pieces of a sacred medallion over their heart which increase's their already god given abitlies a ten fold kickstart.

now the problem i see til now is that it looks very "i hav heard it" kind of plot.can you gimme any suggestions which mite make it more interesting.

thnx :)

killermachine

01-25-2007, 08:40 AM

now the problem i see til now is that it looks very "i hav heard it" kind of plot.can you gimme any suggestions which mite make it more interesting.

thnx :)

killermachine

01-25-2007, 08:45 AM

thanx for cooperation

killermachine

01-25-2007, 08:46 AM

oops!!triple post

jussing

01-25-2007, 08:55 AM

oops!!triple postWow, I think that's a record. :) You know, you can go back and edit two of them so they take up less page space. :)

Cheers,
- Jonas

ThinkStory

02-02-2007, 04:08 PM

Hi killermachine,

you know, it's okay if a story is not the most "original" one ever told.

A bit of a misconception I've found in the business is that when you
say story development, a lot of times people just think of planning events,
setting themes, creating structure...it all sounds very cut and dry. In a way,
that might be one of the reasons why we don't inspire as much story talents
as art talents or even writing talents.

But to create a good story, you actually have to look at everything. A
good storyteller should deal with every element of a story from character
to timing to setting to style to theme, etc. Because besides that being just
the Right and Good thing to do, these elements of a story are going to be
your tools to give the story its own unique appeal. Because, stories
have been told since many, many, many years ago, after all this time, what
hasn't been done already?

So when somebody asks, what do you do to make your story different,
cool, or whatever, don't just work on the plot, know all the story elements
you're working with and which ones to emphasize to make the overall
product something special. From reading your description, this story
sounds to be primarily character driven and secondarily situation driven,
so it's appeal should come firstly from the two main characters and
their relationship, then the situation they're in.

Start working your way into the story with character development.
Think about the kinds of situations your characters can be placed in to
enhance their personalities and situations that allows them play off
one another. The Creative process should start from there to give you ideas.
Once you get good snippets of that, weave a structure around it and,
without actually trying to think of something that's never been done
before, you will find that the story you have is coming out to be
something "interesting" and unique in it's own way without being forced.

ThinkStory

richardoud

02-03-2007, 12:31 PM

Hi ThinkStory,

So first of all, let me thank you for all the awesome work you have been doing so far. I’ve been reading trough this thread the past couple of days and it seems you come up with awesome ideas for people to get back on track with their stories.

This is why I kind of need your help to..
I’m currently in my final year for my Masters in Computer Animation, and from now until the end of September we need to work on our final project, which consist out two parts.
First we need to be writing a thesis paper around a research question, and second, the results of the thesis paper should be somewhat visible in the final project (my short animated film).

Now my research paper will be about the qualities that game cameras have nowadays (1st person, top view, 2d platform etc.) and whether the movie cinematography can learn something from these quality’s to create a sort of new viewing experience.
So in order to make this research come back into my short, I will need to use a game camera somewhere in the short (my preference lies with the 2D platform camera, but any type will work as long as it fits the story and the current scene)

Now for the story (I hope I didn’t put you to sleep with my boring explanation about the project), I’m sort of stuck around these characters and can’t seem to find a good solution.

The setting will evolve around a barbershop from around the 40’s - 50’s
The barber comes in every day with a smile on his face, he loves his job and the fact that he can be of service to people.
But lately, a barbershop quartet has been standing in front of his shop and the barber just can’t stand these guys and the way they sing.
Because the barbershop quartet knows that the barber hates the singing, they come around every day on purpose just to annoy him.

So the barbershop quartet and the barber have a conflict with each other, now the thing I can’t figure out is how to make this conflict escalate to the point where it starts to get interesting to look at.
The solution I had until now (but I don’t know if I want to keep this) was to introduce a customer that needs to get a haircut, but as he’s entering the shop he hears the barbershop singing and walks back out to enjoy himself listening to the music.
The barber tries to get him back in, while the quartet tries even harder to keep the man outside, so both of them try to get the attention of the customer.
This goes on and continues until it takes extreme forms.

I would love it if the customer walks out of this three-way as the winner of it all, but I just can’t figure out how to make this happen

The final reaction I would like to have from people when they look at my short is just to be entertained, view it with a smirk on their face maybe even a loud laugh.
It should not take any longer then 2 to 3 maybe 4 minutes max. and the short will be completely without dialogue so I can focus on the character animation.

Could you please point me in a somewhat right direction to get me going again on the story.

Thanks in advance… :thumbsup:

-Richard

Omarios

02-10-2007, 10:09 AM

hey thinkstory,
i would like to start off by takin the time to thank you for ur hard work and effort and for takin the time to help us all here in cgtalk.
after that i would like to discuss my graduation project idea with you,
its about mainly how indifferent a person looses feeling of time and becomes numb cuz hes been hurt soo much that he doesnt want to express his emotions to anyone or anythin so he wont get hurt....
as far as the projects time i want it to be around a minute or so,and as my experience goes in cg.....i have moderate experience in all the 3d fields....
i have got some idea bout the shots....it would start off by the character walking in an empty grayscale bg......he's walkin in a straight line to symbolize life and that hes eventually goin to reach his death by time,to show how numb he really became i thought of having cards that have the weather seasons written on them....and they pass by his head, and he looks at them with grief.......after a while they start speeding up and then a sudden black out and the sound of a casket slammed,then a zoom in on a coffin still in grayscale
after giving the audience the sudden feeling of nothingness of death, the sound of a tape rewinding fast to get us back to the character in his childhood with well saturated colours
and the young character jumping around happily until he sees a pot with a red flower to symbolize the female....and when he approaches the flower,it weathers and dies away....and then the sudden sound of the casket door slammed again......and then a black out.
the use of the child version of the character was to symbolize the purity and immaturity as well of the character's way of thinking at the time...
the use of the cards will be as if they are movie frames....
and i guess basically thats it....
so i wud really love ur input on it........

ThinkStory

02-15-2007, 04:16 PM

Hi Richard,

keeping in mind that this is a Master's project, I would suggest designing a story
closely around the subject of the paper. Uh, I don't mean a story about camera use.
I mean a story that can enhance your message in the paper as well as demonstrate
the advantages of using gaming cameras.

(Sorry if this starts to sound all big-picture and lecture-y. Since I don't get to visit
the site as often, some of you may have noticed that I sometimes start to generalize
my responses. I try to do it whenever there's a subject matter that others can
relate to so that maybe it can help those who didn't post but have similar story
questions.)

Anyway, the GENERAL idea is that: I've done consulting on stories set in
various mediums, books, live action, comic, animation, games, radio, MTVs, etc.
And the thing to remember when you're working with different mediums is that
there are pros and cons in each one and each one of them has their own appeal.

MEANING if you take one story and transfer it from one medium to the other, the
story (usually) SHOULD change to FIT that medium. Easy examples can be found
in movies based on books, the reason some of them don't come out as good
is because the story wasn't modified to fit into the film medium. You have to
UNDERSTAND the quality of both in order for it to transition well, to tell the SAME
story in two DIFFERENT ways and still have it work.

For your story SPECIFICALLY: The barbershop is your idea and the medium is
film/animation transferred to game. But the way you wrote your description, the way
the story reads, sounds like a film sequence than a gaming one. Huh? What am I
talking about? What I mean is DON'T LIMIT YOURSELF! Just as you are writing about
new camera ideas used in games, try new story ideas based on the way films, when
presented like games, can look and feel. You said your final goal is to make the
audience laugh out loud, when does a game make you laugh out loud? For 2Ds,
remember those simple arcade games from way back like pacman or bartender? The
trick is that you're trying to focus on one character but you also have to worry about
all the other things going on around the screen too. That "rush" is what keeps a
player hooked and you can also use that to your advantage in a story as well. Games
are designed with the ability to convey a lot of information at a single point in time. You
can do the same with your short. Have one side of the war do one thing and the other
side do another and the customer will be the focus moving between them. And the
audience (just like a gamer) should be able to see what both sides are doing. So if the
customer is outside,we can see what the barber is setting up inside and the other way
around which automatically builds up the tension of the story physically. Don't slow
down the actions of the barber or the singers and the crazy things they do, don't let
your audience rest, (just as games don't let their gamers rest, the levels just gets
faster, harder) that will be the key to accelerating towards the climax.

At the end of the story, how does the customer win? I don't know, maybe the guy
comes out with an outrageous haircut and a bunch of goodies that the singers used to
lure him out? It depends on what you've set up as the baits in your story. But (hint,
hint) they should build up because it makes it visually interesting.

Wow, didn't intend the post to be that long.
Did it help, let me know.

ThinkStory

ThinkStory

02-15-2007, 04:43 PM

Hi omarpac,

your story is strongly focused on symbols, themes, and moods, so those work.
Then I would suggest working a little more on story basics like the beginning,
middle, ending stuff.
The conflict and resolution of the story.

Elaborate a little more on how the character became that way, what are the events and
lessons learned? Usually for this type of stories, there is a moral of some kind or a
message or simply an emotion that it's trying to evoke from the audience. And to do
that, it needs some buildup. Something that will speak out. Something to give the
audience an emotional channel.

There's a popular writing tip, "show don't tell."
So SHOW why and how the guy was broken, don't just display that he is.

These are some thoughts, does it help articulate the intent of the story a little more?
Is there anything specific you had in mind?

ThinkStory

killermachine

02-25-2007, 03:24 PM

thnx thinkstory that would be a help:thumbsup:

Omarios

02-26-2007, 04:15 PM

thanx a lot thinkstory for the advice....

richardoud

02-27-2007, 09:40 AM

He ThinkStory,

Thanks a lot for your post, it really made me think about the way I was heading and you gave me a lot of strong arguments about the subject.

So I followed your advice and didn't limit myself in the stuff I wanted to create, and then the project finally took off.

The problem in my opinion was that I wanted to create just another 'funny' animated short film out there, and I didn't really care about my research question for my thesis and my education.

This time I actually let the two really relate to each other (my project and my thesis) and my tutors and the board commission were really enthusiastic and approved my proposal.

So the research question is still somewhat the same (which it has to because of my background education), but it got more specified.

At this moment I'm going to research how camera setup, movement and perspective are being used in action oriented interactive narratives (more specific on stealth based games) to get a sense of immersion and involvement into the image.

As a project I'm still going to make an animated short film. It will be about a graffiti writer who gets spotted by a cop and tries to get away from him.

The things I'll discover in my thesis research will be adapted into the final short, and hopefully proof that there is an added value by using these kinds of perspective and camera use.

I'm really excited at this moment about the project, and feel pretty confident that I'm heading the right direction this time.

I just wanted to say thanks again for your help and suggestions, it really made me look a step further.

- Richard

Wicked_Chicken

03-07-2007, 02:02 PM

Hey ThinkStory.

Are you still helping people with their projects?

ThinkStory

03-09-2007, 06:37 PM

Richard - What a great response...YES! You seem to be heading to a great direction,
with your new idea. That is exactly the message I was trying to convey. Let me know
how it goes or if you need any help!!

Wicked_Chicken - Yes, I am but, as you can see, I don't get to check this forum as
often as I used to so there'll probably be delays to a response unless it's posted
the same day I come to visit. What is your question?

ThinkStory

MattVogt

03-19-2007, 08:02 AM

ThinkStory,

Your efforts on this post are inspirational. I hope you can squeeze in some critiques for my 2 minute shortfilm entry for a contest here on CGtalk! Truthfully, I'm new to screenplaying so I hope you can rip it apart to help tell the story better!

Let me know, and I'll post the short script ASAP!

cheers,
Matt

everlite

03-31-2007, 09:57 PM

Hi guys,

I've had general idea in my head for a few months now and given the lack of work over the last few weeks i'm trying to realise this project but only have an outline/feeling of the story i wish to tell.

Apologies, this description will be very inconsistent, weak and incoherent.

It's a short animation that lasts around 10 minutes.

The settings base on a space station orbiting earth some 300 - 500 years in the future. It's all very clean and mono, imagine 2001 space odyssey for visual style.

For reasons unknown (to me that is :-) the station is pretty much a 'ghost town'. No human life in sight. The stations still working, 100% power etc.

The main character is a female utility android.

The reason for the station been uninhabited isn't really important at the moment, i just need a fully functional space station without any people.

Our little character has a battery life of 100 years (this can be any length really) but the basic idea is that she is very near the end of her life span, maybe her main power source has died and now she's running on reserves. (very little time left)

For the last 100 years (or however long) she's remained stationed in one spot awaiting orders maybe. During this time she's been stood in front of a looping video (or it could be a few photos/pictures on a wall, not sure) that shows earth; beautiful mountains, oceans etc .. During the time she's been looking at this she's developed a love for the earth and a desire to see it (something she's never seen) and decides against all her programming that she wishes to see the earth with her own eyes before she dies.

She soon meets a little robot that follows her through out her little quest.

Anyway, jumping ahead she reaches the top of the station where there's a giant viewing deck, (imagine a semi spherical glass bubble) the viewing deck is closed (imagine an iris that opens and closes around the bubble) her body stops working as she comes into the centre of the viewing platform, though her visual senses are still working so she can still see for moment.

Our smaller friend comes into the scene, he's presented with a choice, use the battery on her to bring her back alive, or use it to activate the iris so she can see the earth before she dies. I need a device that forces the second option, but the first option conflicts because he could simply use it on her to bring her back alive then find another way to open the iris.

I was also toying with the idea that when she does eventually see the earth, it fractured and dying. But at the same time i want it to be beautiful and blue. (problems)
So that's really vague. The basic idea is that she develops a strong desire to see the earth before she dies/expires, she then makes her way through the station to find the earth, or a point from where she can see it. So she can see it with her own eyes.

This need fleshing out and developing so much, there's many holes and problems, like how can i make it so she can only see the earth from one point and if she's a service droid on the station then surely she know how to get to the viewing platform right away.

Ok, this was all thinking out aloud, back to the drawing board i think :-)

- Dave.

Edit: Wow, i just read the above post, no similarities intended :-)

dmca

04-03-2007, 12:32 PM

as MattVogt menttioned,
"Your efforts on this post are inspirational."
Thanks man, I feel that cooperation between mankind is still true.

I´m student at london animation school CSM, and writting last project, 1 min animation.
I have to be based on a painting of the national gallery, I choose the "the execution of maximiliano" by manet.
The painting (www.nationalgallery.org.uk/cgi-bin/WebObjects.dll/CollectionPublisher.woa/wa/largeImage?workNumber=NG3294&collectionPublisherSection=Explorer1800)
but I´m having dificulties to do the story, and when I saw this amainzing post I imagined you could help-me. Thanks.So far I got this:
It´s about the stupidy of war and prisioners execution.

A couple of soldiers getting alingned to execute a war prisoner. The general looking to checking the soldier´s position turns and walks to maximiliano and say:
Gen-“ you are going to be executed for war crimes…….do you have anything to say?”
Max-“ I did it for my country”
General turns back, walk to the soldiers looking in theirs face and see a tardy soldier arrinving,,,
General starts the last count:
Gen-“ All marks….”
The last soldier try to get on his mark, but he´s kind of muddled, having problem with his uniform, helmet. He´s definitely late. He trip and lean on the next soldier…
Gen – “ SHOOT….!”
Gen _ “Ahhhhhhhhhhh!”
The soldiers missed the shot when the tardy soldiers lean on then and killed the general and one bullet breaks the chain of the prisioner. the prisioner escapes.
FIM

I wann make ridiculos about war and stuff,
It´s a min character animation, my goal is to make a good character animation. If you could give me some advice,,,
Thanks very much

I just did a very rought thumbnail. I Hope it helps to understand.Sorry about my poor drawing skills, I gonna make the storyboard much more detailed, wanna key the lights as well.
http://www.dmca.com.br/animas/x/thumb1.jpg
http://www.dmca.com.br/animas/x/thumb2.jpg
http://www.dmca.com.br/animas/x/thumb3.jpg
http://www.dmca.com.br/animas/x/thumb4.jpg
http://www.dmca.com.br/animas/x/thumb5.jpg
http://www.dmca.com.br/animas/x/thumb6.jpg

CKPinson

04-06-2007, 06:44 PM

Thinkstory-
I completely agree on working on a few stories at once- I'm not the greatest writer but I've got a few ideas I've been kicking around for CG (solely as a personal hobby whereas work is mundane, repetitive robot projects- suppose that's why it's work) I'm in no hurry to finish but would like to see some progress- My problem is that I get my stories jumbled as I frequently come up with stuff while driving and have seemed to've gotten off track on my primary storyline at this juncture.

Basically got plot/theme/character ideas down with some sketches and brainstorming-

Would like to get to the storyboard stage-

Basically futuresque story (Childern of Men comes to mind) of a compassionate inseparable couple (foreshadowing so the audience is aware)- then comes the gray area whereas I've got more ideas throughout the entirety and the general denouement down- Want to incorporate some sort of event that splits this un-splitable pair without completely tarnishing their compassion towards eachother- Basically a vibe of star-crossed lovers (Romeo and Juliet) comes to mind-
During their separation (or not- whatever works)
Got a scene involving the female (of the pair) shooting up and from the point of origin black silhouette spiney rose pattern shape grows across her body (sim in appearance to a tattoo) as a symbol of her falling- (Mary Magdalene comes to mind). Then some sort of traumatic accident happens to the male (vehicle accident- no why or how yet- Akira comes to mind but not from being chased maybe from going to rescue or reacquaint with his love) and he gets thrown from his vehicle onto the pavement and while sprawled across the pavement on a hwy (injured but not severly appearing- like no eyes hanging out or anything grotesque) what appears to be sort of an angelic figure rises like a ghost from the ground before him (for some reason an alien shaped figure comes to mind with wings) and he looks up to it and it speaks in tongues to him- Then he blacks out-

He ends up in some sort of hospital (maybe a VA if he's a vet but definately early 20s) and he rips out his IV and what not and leaves (night time- nurses might try to stop him, whatever)...

He begins to feel a rejuvenated sense about himself (heightened senses which is another gray area- superpowers of some sort maybe but not impervious or invincible- telekinesis, telepathy etc) like he's some sort of savior, jesusesque (although he's not)...

Was putting around the idea that he rises to some sort of Royal stature or power (more like dictatorship which is how she begins to realize he's abusing his gift in someway) (Caesar comes to mind)

gets reacquanted with the chick from earlier and he kisses her and as he does the black image on her bady fades away (symbol of cleansing)- something happens and she realizes that he's changed but not for the good. (gotta figure out why they haven't reacquainted already)

Need some villans or someone to pit him against for maybe revenge purposes. perhaps ppl they know from earlier or something that tainted her or pissed him off- Rave club scene comes to mind with loud pumpin techno and evil humanoid/demonic figures within with buggin eyes piercing at him as they dance upon some sort of stage- he stolls in- he kills them for whatever reason perhaps revenge- using basic powers maybe some weapons (semi matrix but definitely not all goth and not too sim) Crow comes closer to mind but still not as goth.

has a showdown with a boss of some sort maybe a friend of his that could've been with him during the accident and affected like him but not exactly the same whereas he turned completely evil. futuristic Car chase with a Bourne Sup feel comes to mind.

and in the end I was thinking of her killing him by stabbing him in the chest (not cuz she hates him- more to release him from what he's become- or is plagued by, that sort of thing) she's crying and everything when she does it- pan tilt zoom away from the scene in an aerial/overhead shot) evening/night time maybe raining-

What do you think? Images are my strength whereas I got some great visual ideas but the storline is avoiding me to a degree. Any assistance is welcome and greatly appreciated.

userBrian

04-08-2007, 05:22 AM

Saltiva-

She could get the "Tattoo" as a sprawling inking reaction from shooting up something like
heroin in her butt cheek. And her boyfriend could reach his "BOSS" schizophrenic other self
as a result of the accident. Telol you more if your interested.

ThinkStory

04-09-2007, 10:38 PM

OK, here I go with some big-picturey stuff before going into the details:

One of the first lessons we always hear about in story writing is the whole
beginning, middle, ending thing. We should change this. Yes, stories should be
MADE UP by those 3 parts but JUST breaking up a series of events into an intro,
climax, and conclusion does not MAKE IT a story...or at least a meaningful one.
First lesson about story development is that there should be some reasoning
behind the story. No, not theme (I always feel like I have to point that out, always
afraid people might think I'm trying to say every story needs to be all educational
and stuff which is not true). Reasoning behind a story simply means there is logic,
purpose to the flow of the story. Which also means you should have an idea, early on,
where your story is going and why it's worthwhile taking your audience there.
Because when the credits roll, you want your audience to feel it was worth it
--it was a good, thought out piece of work.

So keeping that point in mind, here're some detailed critiques:

everlite - Good post cause this one's actually more like the typical work questions I
get. You have some flaws in the story and that's usually where I come in. First thing
with the robot not knowing how to get to the viewing platform, this really shouldn't
be a problem if you do a good setup for the story. If she's supposed to be performing
some duty inside the station then she shouldn't have the programming to come out or
move away from her work area.

One thing you may want to consider for her character is to make her something like
an Earth tour guide. Imagine if this isn't a station orbiting Earth but some kind
of human space ship in the future that's heading back to Earth. Perhaps it got lost
and was abandoned in space and, many many years later, it's finally reaching
it's destination. The robot is an Earth guide/expert inside the ship. She stands in
front of a large screen which plays a looping video that introduces Earth to new
visitors. She's fully programmed with facts about Earth and all it's beauty but
she's never been outside that little theatre room let alone seen Earth itself. So
when the alerts come on that Earth is close by, she feels compelled to take a
look. Setting up the story this way may add to the loneliness and motivations of
your character and the style to the story.

As to the second character, the smaller robot, I'm not sure it's necessary. I think
it'll take focus away from the first character. Especially since it's a short piece and
just having another robot show up might cause some confusion to the audience.
And the idea that she is using her remaining batteries to see the planet can be
self explanatory so you shouldn't have to elaborate there.

But the big question with the ending is what do YOU want the story to be about,
where do you think it should lead to? I think I understand where your trying to go
but not sure if you know where that is quite yet. The point is less on if she actually
sees Earth and more about what she would do to see it. So after all these years, the
machines are about to expire, the ship is running out of fuel, they're about to reach
Earth, what lengths would she go to see it? Perhaps you can show her making her
way pass the dated ship, flickering control lights, other falling/expiring robots, as
she struggles to make her next step to reach the viewing platform, but does she get
there and does it look beautiful as she imagined, as the looping video showed?
This is really your call, because THATS your reasoning behind the story...just
make sure it was worthwhile for the audience when the story gets there.

dmca - In terms of a comedic story, there isn't much that needs to be critiqued.
But just make sure that if this is for a school project, there isn't a criteria that
states the story must align with the painting. I think it's OK that you got your
idea FROM the painting but not BASED on it since the general is obviously behind
the firing line in the art piece.

Saltiva - Indeed, you have a visually strong idea but it does lack some story value.
Going back to my general comments about giving reason behind a story, if you had to
step back and rethink about where your story starts and leads to, would you have
designed anything differently?

A good place to start or question to answer to get you going with this is what kind
of story do you want this to be? Is it a romance, drama, horror, thriller? A
combination? Which combination specifically? Yes, it would be cool if the story was a
combination of many things but you should be able to identify "mainly" which one.

One of the differences between making a visual and making a story is that
often you can add something to a visual as long as it looks cool but that doesn't
always work with stories. Visuals are about stuff, color, shapes, and things that
make the mind think and be curious. Stories involve paths and steps, decisions and
motivations that makes the mind understand and relate. In stories, we often have to
explain ourselves a little. There needs to be some kind of central point where the whole
story revolves around.

As an example, if this is a romance drama, elaborate more on the characters'
relationship. You mentioned they were supposed to be inseparable, show how this
moves the story, how it impacts their decisions and actions. Give it value and
significance. One way to test for significance is to ask yourself, can you remove
something from the storyline and still have the story work pretty much the same?
Could you have just started out with them as regular lovers and he became a bad guy
and she kills him to save him and still have it work? If it doesn't really change the idea,
then it's not significant enough. So MAKE it significant, MAKE each event matter in a
story. And once you've figured out what the story should revolve around, that's
when you'll know which concepts to keep and which ones to change and
which ones will be worthwhile telling.

MattVogt - Of course you can post your question! When you do, can you also
post the contest criteria so I'll know what rules the story will be evaluated against?

ThinkStory

MattVogt

04-09-2007, 10:41 PM

roger ThinkStory - thanks mate, this is exciting.... First, I will get this last revision up to par before I post.

Talk to you soon!
Matt

CKPinson

04-09-2007, 10:51 PM

Saltiva - Indeed, you have a visually strong idea but it does lack some story value.
Going back to my general comments about giving reason behind a story, if you had to
step back and rethink about where your story starts and leads to, would you have
designed anything differently?

A good place to start or question to answer to get you going with this is what kind
of story do you want this to be? Is it a romance, drama, horror, thriller? A
combination? Which combination specifically? Yes, it would be cool if the story was a
combination of many things but you should be able to identify "mainly" which one.

One of the differences between making a visual and making a story is that
often you can add something to a visual as long as it looks cool but that doesn't
always work with stories. Visuals are about stuff, color, shapes, and things that
make the mind think and be curious. Stories involve paths and steps, decisions and
motivations that makes the mind understand and relate. In stories, we often have to
explain ourselves a little. There needs to be some kind of central point where the whole
story revolves around.

As an example, if this is a romance drama, elaborate more on the characters'
relationship. You mentioned they were supposed to be inseparable, show how this
moves the story, how it impacts their decisions and actions. Give it value and
significance. One way to test for significance is to ask yourself, can you remove
something from the storyline and still have the story work pretty much the same?
Could you have just started out with them as regular lovers and he became a bad guy
and she kills him to save him and still have it work? If it doesn't really change the idea,
then it's not significant enough. So MAKE it significant, MAKE each event matter in a
story. And once you've figured out what the story should revolve around, that's
when you'll know which concepts to keep and which ones to change and
which ones will be worthwhile telling.
Thanx first of all for your input and assistance- I know this takes time. Action/Thriller with an underlying romance. I'll try and narrow down my story to flow along one plot line- that's what I meant by having multiple ideas and jumbling them all up.

dmca

04-10-2007, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by ThinkStory
dmca - In terms of a comedic story, there isn't much that needs to be critiqued.
But just make sure that if this is for a school project, there isn't a criteria that
states the story must align with the painting. I think it's OK that you got your
idea FROM the painting but not BASED on it since the general is obviously behind
the firing line in the art piece.

ThinkStory,
first thanks for your reply,
i tryied to extract somethingf of this painting, the story is not based on, because in reality they kill the prisioner and there isn´t the general figure, I just want to have a short sotry for a minute animation.
I don´t think I have start,...climax would be when the general dies and the prisioner escapes,,,and the reason would be the stupidy of the war prisioners.
anyway, If you say that there isn´t anything to be critiqued in terms of a comic story, I´m happy.
Thanks
I´ll post the storyboard I´m nearly finished.
thanks again

CGIPadawan

04-11-2007, 01:08 AM

Hi ThinkStory,

I'm working on a 30 second CGI short starring a small toylike robot named "Jules"

This is what he/it looks like:
http://img253.imageshack.us/img253/8630/julestitledml6.jpg

The main theme is "Robot as Metaphor of Man"

So for this first 30 second clip my idea is "Indecision Is A Decision".

For this short run...Jules is walking in what seems like a totally white room.
Then he sees a battery (or other "attractive" item) hanging by a string suspended seemingly on air.

He looks at it and maybe tilts his head a bit the way a baby might look at toys hanging
over his pram.

He walks around moves like he wants to get it then hesitates.
Then He simply shrugs and leaves.

Then there's text: "Indecision Is A Decision".

Interpretation: The main idea is that even when people remain in a state of indecision about what to do. They are actually still deciding. They've decided to do nothing.

This is actually more for 3D practice using an armatured actor for me than an actual
story, but feedback on this would be nice.

P.S.: And yes, I know it sounds a bit like a Public Service Announcement. :P

Thanks.

MattVogt

04-11-2007, 06:52 AM

Alright ThinkStory,

I hope you don't mind me posting the entire script. It's orignally intended for a "2 minute short film" contest here at CGtalk, but unfortunately I seem to be the only one showing interest. Therefore, I will do the best I can regardless of the deadline. I'd prefer to grow creatively opposed to snaking shortcuts to win a contest.... Nonetheless, the contest's topic was "cute girl".

Hope you like it, and please keep up what you've been doing (rip it apart)!

Synopsis:

In the nearby future, a robot designed to feel emotion has lost his human companion, owner and lover. Struck by loneliness, the robot created his own reality of desolation. Sinking lower into depression, he finds a picture of his previous owner which sends him into an out of control spiral of obsession. Thinking he's solved his problem by building an equivalent lover, his inner and outter worlds grow darker as his creation falls apart in his hands. Looking for a fix, he becomes haunted by her. Fueled by his obsession, the hauntings lead to his demise.

EXT: VIEW OF A USER MANUAL ON A ROCK

The world is barren, desert like. The sky is overcast and an unsettling storm is present. The wind blows pages of a tattered user's manual. The first couple pages reveal the credits, film title then product information regarding a ROBOT (seen in background on a cliff). Detailed diagrams and feature lists outline the robot's design as a companion to humans. Included, a warning that, in rare cases, “desolation mode” autostarts after prolonged periods of isolation. Tucked in the back of the instruction book, a half torn picture of a girl with a metal arm around her neck. The wind takes it up....

EXT: VANTAGE POINT OVERLOOKING A DESTROYED CIVILIZATION -- DAWN

A robot sits on a rusted sheet metal bench near a cliff edge. He scans the barren landscape only to sight structural rubble, human remains and antique robots below a smog stricken atmosphere.

A gust of wind blows a piece of paper by his foot. He flips it over revealing a half ripped picture of a girl with a metal arm around her neck. It is the robot's arm around his previous owner.

Taking his time, he looks at it attentively. Clutching the photograph, he heads down from the cliff embarking on the path back to his home.

EXT: SCRAPLANDS OUTSIDE HIS HABITAT -- AFTERNOON

At the base of the path leading up to the cliff, rubble extrudes from the ground. The scraplands consist of pieces of debris scattered with paths intertwining between structural skeletons. Referencing the torn picture, the robot hunts and gathers pieces of left over scrap metal that have the potential to be metal body parts.

INT: LIVING QUARTERS, WORKBENCH -- AFTERNOON

The robot enters his workshop area and drops his findings on his workbench. Referencing the photograph, the robot assembles his scrap metal findings to loosely resemble the girl in his photo.

EXT: VANTAGE POINT OF SURROUNDING AREA –- AFTERNOON

Timelapse: The sun sets and dawn approaches (overcast).

EXT: OUTSIDE HIS HABITAT -- MORNING

With the photo still clutched in his hand, the robot continues to scour the landscape looking for more parts.

INT: LIVING QUARTERS, WORKBENCH -- DUSK

The robot is applying the final touches to his creation. He steps back as he compares his creation to the found photograph. A cobbled together, metal monstrosity sits before him.

A rusted paint can rests tilted upon a neck. With coils halfheartedly glued to the top and two makeshift eyeballs dangling, the can stares lifelessly into nothingness.

On his work bench, beside left over scavenged parts, the robot leaves the found photo on his workbench. The robot picks up his creation and carries her out the door. A warm sunset fills his home as the robot's silhouette blocks the sun casting a shadow in his home.

EXT: PATH TO LOOKOUT –- DUSK

The robot carries his creation up the path towards the cliff side. As he gets closer, the landscape becomes less barren. Sprouts of grass appear as the thickness of the overcast smog lightens. Even birds are chirping. He sets his creation down on the lookout's bench and joins her. The sun shines its warmth illuminating their faces. As the sun rests upon the horizon, he puts his arm around his creation and slowly leans his head against her paint can. The small force of the impact knocks his creation's head off. The paint can head hits the ground lying face up in the grass behind the bench. The robot, looking over his shoulder, makes eye contact. His eyes twitch.

EXT: LUSH ENVIRONMENT LOOKOUT –- AFTERNOON

(This is a flashback. Note: the environment has changed from desolate to lush)

The robot runs to save the cute girl as she's leaning over the edge of a cliff, clutching a brass railing, she lets go. The robot reaches to grab her as she plummets. She turns face up while falling. Their eyes meet as she continues to her immediate demise.

EXT: BARREN ENVIRONMENT LOOKOUT –- AFTERNOON

Snapping back to reality, the robot continues to stare into the eyes of the paint can. The paint can is now resting upon dried up dirt. The robot regains focus. Furiously, the robot grabs her head, jams it back on and holds her up by the shoulders. He looks directly at her, her head lifelessly flops over, revealing a vista from the cliff, with the usual overcast clouds. He shakes her shoulders in frustration. Dropping her (off camera), the robot starts walking towards the path. The sun fully sets above the clouds and darkness fills his world. Any trace of nature is gone - no grass and the sky is overcast again.

EXT: THE SCRAPLANDS –- EVENING

The robot with a lantern enters the nearby area of scrap metal and rubble. Closely investigating different bits and parts, the robot ventures deeper as he frustratingly looks for a specific part.

EXT: VANTAGE POINT OF SURROUNDING AREA –- EVENING

Timelapse: The moon sets and dawn approaches.

EXT: THE SCRAPLANDS –- DAWN

Still looking, the robot finally finds a brace which would fit his creation's neck. He turns around and walks back towards the lookout's path. The robot sees a girl's shadow casted by the morning's sun. Excitingly, he looks up to greet her. It's not her – it's just a stacked pile of rubble with a similar silhouette. The robot continues towards the lookout.

Behind two pieces of rubble, the girl darts across. The robot jumps as he looks over focusing in; nothing is there. (Small instances of nature are scattered throughout: grass, small plants, birds, sunlight etc)

Continuing towards the lookout, the robot notices her off in the distance. The girl is standing on top of an extruded piece of metal looking down towards the robot. They look at each other. The girl walks off the scrap metal, out of sight, towards the base of the extrusion. The robot continues heading towards her and the path to the lookout.

The girl's appearances haunt the robot as they become more frequent. He gets worried as he's unsure what is happening.

EXT: PATH TO LOOK OUT –- DAWN

The robot pushes forward despite his sightings of the girl. Relieved, the robot makes it to the lookout.

EXT: THE LOOKOUT -– DAWN

The robot stops to observe the girl standing on the edge of partly barren cliff. She starts to lean forward. He drops the neck brace. It hits the dry dirt (slow motion) and springs open. He darts to save her.

Losing his balance as he reaches to grab her, they both plummet.

EXT: BASE OF CLIFF -– DAWN

A cloud of dust clears from the impact of their bodies hitting the dry landscape below. Lying beside the robot, the girl is dead. The robot rotates his head to look at her. He smiles. He slowly clutches her hand as his remaining energy drains.

As the lights in his eyes go out preserving the smile on his metal face, the barren landscape is revealed as a lush, vibrant environment. A robot lays in the grass, at the base of a cliff beside his scrap metal creation.

Thanks for reading!

CKPinson

04-12-2007, 04:56 AM

Nice write up Matt-

Lughs

04-16-2007, 12:18 AM

Hi thinkstory. I just recently did some work for a 2 minute short I'm working on for school. I wrote the script, drew the storyboards, and made a quick animatic. The whole time I was working on it, I couldn't shake this feeling that no one would understand it, and it was also very chaotic for me. I know what type of story I want, and I had the beginning and end. In the middle though I had trouble.

Anyway, I presented it to a review group, which consisted of my teachers. Odd enough, but expected, they had no clue what was going on. Afterwards they couldnt really offer any advice on how to fix it. One comment stood out though was that I got too caught up with the background story of everything I didn't even concentrate on the story at hand. The only way for a person to understand what's going on is if they already knew reasons as to why all the action was going on. And, I tried to hint at it in certain shots.

To sum it all up. The story is about self sacrifice for the sake of others, except the character is forced to do so. It's suppose to be a cynical comedy. I think the reason why the story may be so confusing is because I'm trying to fit so much into a small package. And i have to admit, I'm a bit confused myself because I can't figure out what to take out or put into it. Plus I think it may be TOO cynical, haha.

Premise:

Hopper lives on a small planet located in a sector of a galaxy called “Gods Shooting Gallery”, making the planet in constant threat of deadly asteroids. Drafted to be the next Asteroid Bombardier, where he’ll have to sacrifice his own life to protect what seems to be a cynically humorous, apathetic, and advanced civilization. We witness his last few moments on Planet Placid, as he comes to grips with his fate, and the help of a seasoned robot and the old neglected MachineTower used over many generations of brave asteroid heroes. The life and sacrifice of the Asteroid Bombardier, is less costly than actually fixing a generations old tower that “still works”, but at the expense of the operator. What is one life compared to millions? Even if that civilization is ungrateful for the ones selected to save it?

Environment: the Planet Placid itself is a dwarf planet permanetly fixed in orbit. The Night and Day side last a very long time (years). The side hopper is located on is a desert/wasteland. The reason is due to the fact that the only time the planet is threatened with asteroids is when this side is in day light. This makes him the only inhabitant in the wasteland. Civilization is always on the night side. The asteroid heroes before him were all drafte by a lottery system. So at any time, technically the planets military consists of only one person at a time.

Characters:

Hopper: A four armed mutant, who is just as apathetic as the society he grew up in and is sent to save… Again.

Robot 67: Around ever since the first bunch of Heroes was assigned. Now irritated, and what seems to be a developed Artificial Intelligence resembling that of an uptight boss. He is the assurance keeper, and will be helping Hopper finish his assignment as planned, whther he likes it or not.

Script::::

“Shooting Gallery”

Space Billboard (The size of two football fields) advertises the local news of the planet, which is focused on our four armed hero Hopper. Below the footage, a ticker displays current information: ***Asteroid Bombardier #12670 Hopper Currently Prepares For The Extermination Of Asteroid # 12670***… ***R.I.P.*** A countdown ticks off on the bottom right of the screen.

RACK FOCUS From BILLBOARD TO TRUCK

Semi quickly enter right of shot from a distance heading towards camera. PAN Following the semi, creating a CLOSE-UP shot of its trailers billboard. The malfunctioning billboard reads: “GODS SHOOTING GALLERY”, as the bottom portion (mimicking neon lights) flickers on and off adding “BAR & BILLIARDS”. HOLD the PAN as the truck passes by, revealing like a curtain, a WIDE SHOT of the endangered small planet and the asteroid.

DOLLY IN SLOWLY

The Semi re-enters from the right at a much further distance, heading towards the city on the dark side of the planet. A fragment of the asteroid breaks off and plunges towards the dooms day tower sticking out of the day side of the planet.

INT. PLANET

SFX: SIRENS. Robot flies in from right of screen heading for the pod.

INT. HEROES POD

The pod is littered with bottles and trash, and looks as if it has been lived in for a few weeks. The pod itself looks like it was quickly assembled and made from recycled parts. Various hologram screens project above Hopper as he sleeps, completely unaware of the impending doom.

The robot enters the pod through the doggy door. It hovers over towards the hero, making annoying beeping alarms and displaying holograms of footage from the asteroid. As it tries to wake hopper from his deep sleep, the smaller asteroid lands with a huge crash tossing the POD around and wakes hopper up making him bang his head on an over hang.

Frustrated, Hopper hits the little annoying robot out the side window.

EXT. FRONT OF POD

Robot crashes out from the pod. SFX: BOTTLES BEING SIFTED. Hopper kicks open the door out of irritation, making trash and bottles burst from the door way just before he stumbles out. With an unopened bottle in his lower right hand, he freezes after he gains his balance back and looks up with his face turning from a grimace to shock.

FULL SHOT Worm view behind hopper starring at the sky rack focus from hopper to the asteroid

In fear he turns around heading back into the pod, but the robot (looking a little dented from the incident) comes into view entering the pod, and dragging out a now scared Hopper with multiple bottles in his hands pouring them into his mouth as he is dragged out.

The android confronts the now inebriated hero, displaying the word ***Obligation***. Hopper tries to get another sip in, but the android hits it out of his hand.

Worm View: Bottle lands on a skull of a previously deceased “hero”, as you see Hopper head towards the opposite direction.

FULL SHOT behind Hopper

As Hopper heads for the gigantic (and very shoddy looking) machine awaiting him, he turns around to look behind him still walking. Something catches his attention.

POV of Propaganda Poster and robot

The robot stares back at what hopper is looking at, then ducks out of shot for a moment to bring back a bottle it picked up from the ground.

FULL SHOT of hopper mimicking the proud stance from the poster

The bottle flies across screen just barely missing hopper and crashing into the machine behind him, making a large piece of it fall off (Showing how old and neglected it is). Hopper quickly turns back around.

He begins to set the machine up for firing. He drops the locks holding the exhaust vents shut, and pulls a chain to open them latching the chain to an anchor in the ground.
He pulls the power switch which sticks a bit, making him fall to the ground as the machine revs up.
Near the console he kicks a large button on the ground. SFX: Chains quickly unraveling.
Four recoil Quad Pods hit the ground, bracing the tower for recoil.
SFX: Electronic voice sounds off “SYSTEM READY”

Hopper takes out keys, and inserts them. He turns them at the same time, an unexpected box with a crank pops out hitting him in the face.

Looking over the box

Hopper rubs his head in confusion and pain. SFX: Electronic voice “Have a Good Day”. He begins to turn the crank to the song of All Around the Mulberry Bush. As he gets to the end of the song he hesitates, and does one last crank. Pauses, then a jester pops out scaring Hopper as the vents create a bright explosion engulfing him.

Hard cut to EXT. of planet with billboard in view

Day side is covered in the explosive exhaust as the tower shoots off a beam destroying and incinerating the asteroid.
The billboard switches off for a second as the clock is reset. The Billboard comes back on, with a different hero, and the sign switches to Asteroid Bombardier #12671.

INT. Planet. Original place where pod use to stand, and the only thing left is a skeleton and the tower.

A new “POD” hits the ground with the new ID number 12671 painted on it. The robot enters screen, heading towards the new pod.

Fade To Black

Thanks to anyone who reads this.

CGIPadawan

04-16-2007, 12:52 AM

Hi Lughs,

I'm not really a story consultant, but I do watch a lot of Scorsese, De Palma, Cameron, and Spielberg. :P

If I may comment on a few things I hope you don't mind.

I think the comedic idea of "Sacrifice for A Thankless Society" is very good.

However you do have a few problems:

1) The screenplay does not seem to contain enough establishment for the two main key words: "Sacrifice" and "Thankless Society". The news programme at the start does say RIP like it's a throw-away, but without holding the Premises in-hand it can be a bit difficult to understand. One way is to perhaps modify the news programme to carry a tone similar to a used car sales man and emphasize the many many number who have given up their lives before. They do it with the zest of a young Bob Barker or the news programs from ROBOCOP. Another way is to present the news on Hopper's personal video set, and the audience can proxy with him for his reaction.

2) Hopper can in fact be a nexus to help emphasize any other backstory element as he prepares to sacrifice himself. In this way the Propaganda and other things can be given more time without themselves distracting from action.

3) By this token, the actual action scene should be short, the sacrifice miniscule, and seemingly thankless.

Cheers!

sweetsue

04-21-2007, 11:03 AM

hi Thinkstory,

i m new to cg world and i m working on my first project which has to be up to 5 min only. i m bit confused with the idea i want to tell, so i have 2 ideas on mind. i wonder if u can get me your opinion on it.

idea one : its about two pulp lamps at store shelf and a new female look lamp was added to them so every one of the two male lamps tries to show that it glows better than the other , both lamps starts showing how strong their light can be till one of them get broken and its light go off , the other one started to laugh at it till it rolls of the shelf and go dawn broken. so the female lamp just move and jumps to another shelf. the end

idea two : a group of balls are playing between 4 high walls ( like prison walls you can only see the sky from top) then two of the balls starts to fight who can jump higher and reach behind the wall and gets free, so like gang challenges they starts to gather around the two balls and each one tries to jump high , one try followed by the second , till one of them jump really high and on its way to cross the wall it got stuck to the fence and hit a metal wire and gets flaten. so all the balls dawn gets sad and just walk apart forgetting the idea of breaking free out of the walls.

so , what do u think?

thanks alot ,
Sue

ThinkStory

04-25-2007, 12:10 AM

MattVogt - Nice story. Looks like you've already spent the time to articulate
the plotline and round it out. It looks ready to go!

Lughs - Here's a Story Tip that can help: A good story usually requires little effort
to grasp.

I don't mean a good story is easy to communicate across, I mean it's should not
be hard to understand. It goes back to one of the many reason humans like
stories. Stories have the ability to relate and it's that border between truth and
fiction that makes them interesting.

Let me give an example, take Superman. Ask anyone what's the story of Superman
and they'll tell you it's about a man/alien with supernatural powers. BUT that's also
true of monsters...of giants...of fairies. Why don't we hold the same fascination
for these characters? The answer is simply that Superman, although not technically
human, have human characteristics that people can relate to. We watch the
comic/TV show/movie and if you think about it, it's really not about his powers
or saving the world that keeps audiences watching, it's the feeling of freedom
when flying, the guilt of keeping a secret identity, the urge to protect those that
needs protection. It's the emotions and human aspects that make it a good basis
for a story.

Having said that, what's missing in your story is that relating aspect.
Some of the barriers are:
1. Hopper, the main character, has four arms, the character is physically different
2. It's set on a strange planet that's very different from Earth, the environment
is different
3. The situation and obstacle Hopper encounters is not something that's very
typical, the conflict is different

So if you want others to feel for your characters, consider adding some more
human elements to the story and take out more of the foreign (even if it's more
creative) stuff. It'll help your audience understand it better.

sweetsue - Both concepts are kind of equal. If you had to choose, I'd say consider
where your CG skills can be best utilized. The second one may be more visually
interesting if your into motion while the first one will allow you to show more
character and mannerism. But both, in terms of story, are sort of level so it'll
be presentation that'll make the difference.

ThinkStory

MattVogt

04-25-2007, 02:31 AM

Saltiva and ThinkStory, thank you for your kind words. If you need me I'll be waist deep in storyboards hehehehe

Thanks for the read - ThinkStory keep up the priceless advice!

Matt

rdsarna

05-21-2007, 07:31 PM

Hi ThinkStory
I'm a complete beginner in the story telling field.
i've attempted to write the 1st chapter of a story i have in mind. its the 1st draft and i knoe its pretty amateurish. wus like some comments on it....
http://rdsarna.blogspot.com/

ThinkStory

05-31-2007, 07:10 PM

Hi rdsarna,

I read your 1st chapter.
Still at the beginning of everything so not much to comment, storywise,
but there is potential.

There is a certain innocence about it (not referring to the characters but the mood
of the story) which is good, keep that. It's a draft so there will be some elements
that can be better edited once you have a fuller story but, so far, I don't think
there needs to be any drastic changes.

The thing you should work on is fluidity in the language/presentation. Fluidity is
HARD to correct as there is no quick way to do it. As far as I know, the real way
to fix it is to READ more and I'd also suggest you to LISTEN more. Reading stuff
that is similar to what you're trying to write will help you write it better. If you lack
the patience of sitting down to read a book in general (as I do…surprise...surprise)
try to listen more, it'll help you pick up other speech patterns and expand your
vocabulary.

LOTS of people (even frequent writers) have this kind of problem so don't feel alone.
You're not.

Most people are visual thinkers and switching from visual to audio is no easy task.
But if you want to master your writing ability, you have to jump into the world of
words and sound. So continue writing, continue reading, and continue listening,
and repeat as needed. The good thing about it though is that it's easy to detect if
your hard work paid off. Practice being an audio/verbal thinker for a month and
then go back to your chapter to re-read it. If you find areas for improvement,
you've improved. If you feel a sudden urge to do a second draft, you've
REALLY improved. If you can't get pass half a page without ripping it up
to shreds and start all over again, YOU'RE ON A ROLL! (I'm exaggerating,
I don't think it's bad, I'm just saying if you come back and see flaws, then
you're on the right track.)

Overall, I liked the mood and general idea of the chapter, good characters, keep
it light, keep it fun. The critique is to improve your ability to present your
characters and the story in a more styled, more fluid, more organized way.

ThinkStory

Lughs

06-04-2007, 06:33 AM

Hey Thinkstory. Im back with some new variations to the script I posted up above in this thread a while back HERE (http://forums.cgsociety.org/showpost.php?p=4329132&postcount=333). The one that was chosen was the Martial Arts Theme, but I want to see what you think about the other two as well.

Im not sure if the Martial Arts Theme might be too simple. It is an outline, so it leaves some room to work with. I'm thinking to put more interest into the story for the audience, by making the asteroid throughout the movie seem like it has a personality. Sort of hide the notion that this "thing" he is fighting or deflecting is an asteroid, only until the climax.

Thanks for your input on my last post. I might want to keep the four arms though, at least for the Kung Fu theme, because it makes him resemble a cricket I figured it fits his personality. Probably a bit corny I know, but I'm going to try and give it a look of old kung fu flicks, Haha.

-Lughs

Same guidelines apply, 2 minutes or less.

ThinkStory

06-21-2007, 08:24 PM

Hi Lughs,

Great improvement from your first draft!!

Good choice with the first one, I would've selected that one as
well out of the three. So good job.

It's simpler and lighter than the other two but it works better
from the story standpoint and is something that is easier to grasp.
And the Kung Fu style you plan to incorporate meshes better with
a lighter theme anyway.

Though I also somewhat like the apron idea of the second piece.
So if you can add a few more gardening tools/gear in the first
story, it'll add to the humor.

The last story most mirrors your original idea and I like that you've
simplified it. It flows much better.
But the ending is a little, "Huh? Uh...okay."
Because it doesn't really make a strong impression or convey the
purpose that I think you wanted to convey. So if you get a chance
to work on it, maybe change the ending or build a stronger setup to
support the last scene so that the audience can tie back or reference
the it to something that happened before in the story.

The idea is that you want your audience to respond to it with,
"Hmm...that's interesting" rather than "Uh,...what was that for?"

But, overall, great improvement!

ThinkStory

biancaNieve

07-17-2007, 01:06 PM

hi ThinkStory,
thanks for your time! Everything you wrote is so helpfull and i don't have an idea how to return our gratefulness.

I'm doing my final school project, 1-2 minutes animation.I was very much inspired with one show, Cirque du soleil. I liked those colors, costumes and full caracters, and all those stories told with dance and performances. I'd like to do my animation without words, only with body and dance lenguage.
My starting idea was about one girl (not real, some girl one the other planet that is all dark in brown and dark colors) but she is still trying to find some happiness and she looks very optimistic and curious. She is walking on the street and looking aroun like she is there for the first time trying to find something new and fun, and suddenly she sow little red shiny ball jumping around. when ball jump over the barrier, she wanted to see where ball came from and suddenly she was in some totaly different place, with beautifull plants, colors... and her look was changed, she was in color and looking much more beautifull.
Ok, to make it little bit shorter... She sow some boy. He is from thet world but they look like they are same race, just he is colored anh happy. They dance together, fell in love and she wanted to bring him home. They find some "door" to that dimension, and when they were home together, all planet start geting more colors. Three got leaves, there grow some beautifull flowers, buildings were diferent.... the point is that with love everything is different.
However, I read this posts,and the more I was thinking I was more in mess. I got some inspiration from Alice in the Wanderland, and thought that maybe at the begining she can fallow some cute butterfly or little bird from her planet, instead of rabbit. Also, I've been watching American beauty and find that roses beatifull methaphore in all movie, so i'd like that bird or something to be metaphore of love and serching... At the end, I'd like to say that life is how we see it.
The ting is that I'm doing everything by myself, from skript and caracters, to modeling, animation, post production, so it is really not supose to be more than 2 minutes. also, I sow a lot of animation that have some nice message or stoy, but they are sooo boring, too long or whatever...
I hope you can help me and give me some good directions.

Thank you very very much

ThinkStory

07-18-2007, 07:35 PM

Hi boobetty,

here's an idea that may help your story convey the point "that with love
everything is different."

Split the story into two parts (you pretty much have that but emphasize on it).
The first part being the girl interacting with things in her world.
The second part being the girl and boy interacting with things in her world after
falling in love.

Show the differences that love brings to the world by REFERENCING the past
when there was no love.

As an example, for the first part, when the girl touches the colorless or dried leaves
in her world it withers and turns to dust. When she's holding the boy's hand
and touches them again it turns bright green and flourishes. Put in a bunch of
these contrasting scenes into it and you should have a very beautiful story.

Let me know if this helps.

ThinkStory

biancaNieve

07-19-2007, 04:24 PM

thanks, it's great idea, i already have something more in my mind. However, I think that my bigest problem is making a script, all those ideas putting in one line. i have a million scenes in my head, but just like some mess.
As I said my firs idea is she, walking on the street. When she saw that cute ball she wanted to see where it came from. She found different, happy world with a boy and made her and her worl more happy. The thing that I need is something to give action, some turns... something that wont make people to turn off after 10 seconds.

thanks again :)

ThinkStory

07-20-2007, 07:54 PM

Hi boobetty,

hmm...I'm not sure I understand the question.

You want to put more action into it and you have too many scenes
that you want to juggle but are not sure about how it flows?
Uh, is that it?

From our description, it all seems pretty logical. The flow seems okay
whether you use a ball, rabbit, or some other magical object. If you have
too many scenes take your favorite ones, write them down and put them
on a timeline based on the current structure of the story:
Her world --> ball --> Color world --> Her world again.

If you want, maybe you can provide some examples of the scenes that
feels messy to you and we can work on organizing them into the story.

ThinkStory

yeeeeeeee

07-21-2007, 07:26 PM

Hi thinkstory,
we really appreciate you're still here helping people!
So, we have this idea for our graduation short film, but we're not really sure of what direction it should take, and if it can turn into something interesting. It's about crop circles (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crop_circles). We were thinking of making this story about an alternative solution to this "mystery". All should happen during the night, with everything illuminated by the moon. At the moment we have two solutions.

The first one, on which we think we can already work, is something magical with some little beings (obviously not aliens) with a nice design working together with ropes, little wood sticks and other natural thing to build something like a Rube Goldberg machine that does all the job only once it is completed, so you don't know what are they doing until you see everything done from a top view, maybe this could be the last scene and it could be the morning after. We think that this way there's no need for explaining why they do that if we focus on how they work and keep it interesting, what you think? If we need to explain why, how can we do?

The other idea is to have something like animals you could find in that habitat doing the same things, or maybe the crop circle came out but just as a consequence for something else they were doing. But this way it can't be focused on a magical thing and maybe we should explain why are they doing this, also we have no idea of which animals we could use, mouses? insects?

The problem is that we'd love to make the magical one, but there is a lot of difference between giving a magical solution that in the end it's not different from saying "aliens are doing all this things" and giving a solution like "hey, there was no mystery, it's just some animals having fun". Do you think we should work on the first one making it visually interesting or we should work on the second one, developing a "real" solution (well, more than aliens or fairies) something that kids the ones who think theres some secret behind all that?

I hope everything is crystal clear, I think I made some confusion and i'm not fluent in english!

Thank you in advance, Gab

ThinkStory

07-25-2007, 05:08 PM

Hi Gab!

Your first idea is perfectly fine, as long as you present it in an interesting fun way
then that should be good enough.

No need to prove the "no so mysterious" idea since the discovery of the 2 guys in
England who revealed that they've been forming crops circles in secret for more
than a decade with simple planks and ropes. But if you're still pondering about
that angle, then perhaps you can use ground hogs. It's an exaggeration, so mix
a bit of humor and imagination into it. Like two ground hogs are forming
nesting tunnels in competition for a lady love. The designs look pretty and interesting
on the surface but beneath them are actually lavish underground dwellings used to
attract a mate. Or something silly like that.

ThinkStory

vivekmohan81

07-26-2007, 04:36 PM

hi there,
recently i have bought a sony hc-45 camera for personal purposes.then an idea occured to me tht i could use it for a short film which i have been toying for the past 3 years.its like two warriors coming from an another dimensional world,to earth to complete their battle.i know its not orginal and its very ambitious ,as i want to mix both live footage and 3d characters..i want it to have a mix of manga and sin city look.the problem is i want to do in a different way,not the usual fighting and explosions.i hope u can help me in the development of a good plot,something interesting and visually attractive...thanx man

regards

vivek

ThinkStory

08-09-2007, 05:42 PM

Hi vivek!

Um, I just want to make sure I understand the question first.
Are you having trouble with:
A. Non-creative restraints like budget, time, resources and therefore need
a story idea for something that can accommodate those restraints?
OR
B. Creative restraints like coming up with an interesting scifi/manga styled
story in general?

I have some thoughts on both but not sure which one is troubling you.

ThinkStory

vivekmohan81

08-10-2007, 04:43 PM

hi man,

i think its the first one...i have been searching for references for the past two months and its like i have been losing tht " creative interest' in this project...so before tht happens, i want some desperate help....i have a mix of ideas like for eg using the indian mythology like ramayana or mahabharatha (hope, u have heard of them)...its like a starting trouble...if i get a push,maybe i can go ahead with it...waiting for ur reply..cheers

vivek

ThinkStory

08-15-2007, 06:18 PM

Hi vivek,

uh...that sounds more like option 2, but anyway, if the problem is you're looking
for some inspirational boost, try going back to the basics.

Define or redefine your story world a little bit:
What world do you want the story set? Place? Time?
Who do you want your main character to be?
What is the major conflict your character faces?
What is the turning point, what moves the story forward?

Here's an example of the thought process:
(Note that this is just an example, there are millions of combinations
to play around with.)

What world do you want the story set? Place? Time?
The two stories you mentioned are major Sanskrit epics from India, is that correct?
So your characters can be from some ancient world that get transported to a
new world like you mentioned in your initial post.

Who do you want your main character to be?
You want warriors-->so you'll have 2 main characters that can be
Path A. 2 males (action)
Path B. 1 male 1 female (romance)
Path C. 2 females (something new/retro; female time travelers from the past)

What is the major conflict your character faces?
You want your characters to be in a battle--> so if you took:
Path A. 2 warriors/brothers/kings fighting for wealth/power/justice/jealous love, etc.
Path B. 2 enemies fated to fall in love; 2 lovers fated to become enemies
Path C. 2 sisters/friends/enemies fighting for wealth/power/justice/jealous love, etc.

What is the turning point, what moves the story forward?
The "change" here in your story will be from old world to new world.
So here are some examples for a "turning point":
Path A. So let's say you want 1 guy to be a King and another to be a Peasant.
-King in old world = Wealth+Power
-Peasant in old world = Poor+Powerless
-A CHANGE in their world = Change in Power Dynamic
-King no longer has power in new world
-Peasant may no longer be powerless in new world
-There, they can fight to gain power in new world.
-This is more moral/theme based, more epic-like.

Path B. If you chose the lovers-to-enemy route
-Male lead in old world may play a very dominating role in his society
-Female lead in old world may play a very submissive role in her society
-A CHANGE in their world = Change in Relationship Dynamic
-Male lead may still think in his old world ways
-Female lead may fight for equality
-This is more character based, can be more comedic/entertainment oriented.

Path C. Let's mix it up a bit here so you can see all the various combinations you
can use.
-1 character is from the old world and the other is from a future world
-The two are both Queens in their land and they meet in a middle world.
-One is equipped with magic, the other is equipped with technology.
-This is more concept based, so it's more abstract and visual oriented.

Again, these are just some stuff to give you ideas, they're also structures that can
be used to build your story. Pretty cliche but let me know if this helps.

ThinkStory

vivekmohan81

08-16-2007, 10:35 AM

thanx a lot man!!! wow, u r a genius....i have already started a simple script abt one week back..i will be doing a small storyboard like thing and sometimes if possible also a animatic version...i wish to show u these things, and hope u have time to gimme more suggestions...thanx again man..cheers:)

vivek:thumbsup:

ThinkStory

08-17-2007, 07:15 PM

Okay, cool! Glad I could help.

Excited to see your script/storyboard/samples etc.
When a story takes form...I love that stuff!

ThinkStory

CMobley

08-26-2007, 09:39 PM

hello thinkstory

i have been trying to develop a idea i have had for quite some time. i need help with some

iffi

09-04-2007, 09:02 AM

hi
i have a problem with story developing "creatively" for my college project n i wana present all that story in 3d , the topics in which i am interested are "Child labour" or" double standards" in society , can b any of them , that story could b start from normal but the message convey in the end that forced the people to think that this shouldnt b in society, if u have any idea plz share with me http://forums.cgsociety.org/images/icons/icon7.gif

ThinkStory

09-13-2007, 09:56 PM

Hi iffi,

uh, what kind of creativity problem are you having,
do you mean just developing ideas?

Do you have any time constraints or other preferences,
such as setting/characters/genre etc.?

Can you give some me some details?

ThinkStory

chrchaves

09-14-2007, 08:44 AM

Hi thinkstory! I would like to thank you very much for what you`re doing, you don´t know how important it has been to have you around.

I´m almost finishing my studies and would like to get a 1 min. short before my thesis, however, i`ve just don`t know really how to wrap things together and would like to know quickly if you could help me

first,
I have a running creature (only modeled now) who has been forced to wear a muzzle because of his age and the lack of food on the place, and therefore has fleed his city (probably to a desert, yet still don´t know) to find some way to take it off

and there´s his antagonist, who´s chasing him cuz he wants to be sure that he dies because his (the antagonist) brother died the same way, and it getting away would be a dishonour to its memory.

The short then would probably would be the chase of both to just model/animate/rig the two of them and the background since i don´t have any partner on it.

What do you think?
Do you think it´s worth something or should i start all over again?

Thanks again

(p.d. really sorry for putting u some more work)

ThinkStory

09-17-2007, 11:10 PM

Hi chrchaves,

hard to say...it seems like you currently have pieces of a story but
not the whole picture yet so let's try to round it out a bit more before
deciding whether or not to use it.

Do you know how the story ends or if there's a theme or meaning behind it?
Is the whole story basically about the chase?
Is this going to be a light or serious piece?

In making these decisions for a school project, I would say go with your strengths
and stuff that interests you. It will help you come up with new ideas and make
the production process more enjoyable.

ThinkStory

chrchaves

09-18-2007, 05:35 AM

Thanks!!! Got to think that for a while:thumbsup: If I come to a decision, can I post again?

ThinkStory

09-18-2007, 03:44 PM

Of course! Post anytime you think of something.

chaoticreality

12-11-2007, 11:44 AM

First I'd like thank you for your time and effort in helping people like me. I am working with a friend on developing a story. Would like to know what you think about it ....

Lollypop
Written by: Ansar Sheikh & Ali Asad Jafri

Story

Three men are standing in front of a newsstand while being engaged in their own little activities. There is the rabbi, a teacher and a rich man saying hello to each other exchanging greetings. A small child with a lollypop in his hand walks by the three men. The boy suddenly falls because of an untied shoelace. The boy at first makes a crying face but notices his lollypop and start to taste it. The boy forgets for a moment about his untied shoeless and enjoys his lollypop, all this happen while the three men watch. The three men make a wager with each other to take the lollypop from the boy.

The teacher makes the first move and approaches the boy asking him for his lollypop. The teacher seeing that the boy refuses to hand over that object, takes out a ruler to give him a good spanking. The boy starts crying and the teacher doesn’t want to make much fuss around for the public. He tries to quiet the boy and walks away.

Coming back the other two men laugh at the teacher. The rabbi tries his luck by approaching the boy asking for that object, telling him how God will be happy if he gives him the lollypop. The child still refuses and the rabbi tries to snatch it from him. The boy puts on the crying routine again … and the rabbi runs away.

The rich man than tries his luck by approaching the kid and offering him money. He gets furious but remembers what happened to the last two men, so he walks back with a grumpy face.

The three man standing together now see a lady walk pass them. She comes near the boy and ties his shoelace. The boy grateful for this act, offers his lollypop to his mother. The three men look in astonishment. The lady overcome with awe for the boy carries him away.

The boy in the laps of the lady looking at the three men shows his tongue to them. The three men look despaired.

ThinkStory

12-18-2007, 05:08 PM

Hi Ali,

Nice story.
Is there anything in particular about the story you'd like to ask
because there's little to correct.

The only question I have is under what context will the story be presented?

Because if I had to recommend an "improvement" I would look at what
purpose the story serves. Is it meant to prove a point, or is it just for laughs,
professional or private, etc. There may be room for tweaking to deliver a bigger
punch at the end of the story. But if it is meant for a short and sweet little skit,
it works just fine as it is.

ThinkStory

chaoticreality

12-19-2007, 08:03 AM

Yes, it is meant for a short and it is basically meant for laughs as well as an engaging story for people to like. Although have made some modifications to the basic story. Glad you liked it :)

Story
Three men are standing in front of a newsstand while being engaged in their own little activities. There is the rabbi, a teacher and a rich man saying hello to each other exchanging greetings. A small child with a lollypop in his hand walks by the three men. The boy suddenly falls because of an untied shoelace. The boy at first makes a crying face but notices his lollypop and start to taste it. The boy forgets for a moment about his untied shoeless and enjoys his lollypop, all this happen while the three men watch. The three men make a wager with each other to take the lollypop from the boy.

The teacher makes the first move and approaches the boy asking him for his lollypop. The teacher seeing that the boy refuses to hand over that object, looks at the boy with frowning eyes and an angry face, taking out his stick to intimidate him. The boy sensing fowl intentions starts crying and the teacher doesn’t want to make much fuss around for the public. He tries to quiet the boy and walks away.

Coming back the other two men laugh at the teacher. The rabbi tries his luck by approaching the boy asking for that object, telling him how God will be happy if he gives him the lollypop. The child still refuses and the rabbi tries to snatch it from him. The boy puts on the crying routine again … and the rabbi runs away.

The rich man than tries his luck by approaching the kid and offering him money. He gets furious but remembers what happened to the last two men, so he walks back with a grumpy face.

The three men standing together now see a lady walk pass them. She comes near the boy and ties his shoelace. The boy grateful for this act, offers his lollypop to his mother. The three men look in astonishment. The lady overcome with awe for the boy carries him away.

The boy in the laps of the lady looking at the three men shows his tongue to them. The three men look at each other in amazement.

ThinkStory

12-26-2007, 05:58 PM

Hi Ali,

I liked the ending more in the 2nd version but
I also liked the teacher part of the 1st version better.

The ruler fits better with the role of a teacher.
Is there a reason why you changed it?

ThinkStory

chaoticreality

12-26-2007, 06:55 PM

Well, I changed the teacher part with the stick so that it would register more as an alternative weapon that's only used for punishment and intimidation.

A Swedish person pointed out to me that they dislike the spanking as it is considered offensive to punish children this way, so I changed that part to make it more digestible overall.

Although, I do agree with you that the ruler goes more in-sync with the teacher personality.

ThinkStory

01-04-2008, 04:32 PM

Hi Ali,

oh, when you said spank I thought it was more a
school slap on the hand.

Yeah, I agree that it can be considered offensive but will
replacing the ruler with a stick be less of a punishment?
I think it is the "intent" of the punishment that offends
rather than the tool itself.

It also depends on the setting, I had originally
pictured it to have an old world look which will alter
society norms. Just some thoughts.

ThinkStory

chaoticreality

01-06-2008, 06:53 PM

Hello ThinkStory,

Well visually I don't want to actually show the teacher
hitting the boy but rather intimidating him with it. I think
I'll go ahead with the ruler instead of the stick.

The setting you've suggested is a good idea. Right now we're
doing the character design and art direction so lets see how
things look.

Wish to thank you for all the input you've given. Much
appreciated. :)

ThinkStory

01-08-2008, 06:23 PM

Great, sounds good! Always glad to help out.
By the way, I stopped by to checkout your website,
COOL base layout !!

ThinkStory

juhada

01-21-2008, 09:33 PM

Hi ThinkStory (and anyone who thinks he/she can help)!

I'm doing a 30 sec short on an aggressive little character, who'd have to behave as follows:

While he interacts with a secondary (little, and not necessarily living) character (eg. a fish, a flower, or maybe just a brick...) he gets really annoyed with it, without any REAL reason, as tension builds up he explodes with anger, because that's the way he's wired, and the "grand finale" would be a really funny few second scene as our main character wrecks the helpless prop/living creature in a hilarious way, probably getting more badly hurt than his "victim".

Now to be honest this seems to be a pretty classic storyline, yet I think it has potential, and colud be produced in an original manner. My question is: how exactly? :) I'd like to focus on the anger of the main character, and the way he gets carried away by it...
Background and staging would be as minimal as possible, just to keep the focus were it needs to be.

Please let me know your thoughts/ideas on this if you have the time. I'd be greatful, creditwise as well...

Thanks, and have a nice day!

Cheers, Adam

perius

01-22-2008, 02:47 PM

chaoticreality

01-22-2008, 05:27 PM

I wouldn't know if this would help but here are some suggestions.

Transformation drawings of an animal into a human character. Experiment
with the shapes and come up with as much interesting personality or
appeal as possible.

Combine basic shapes such as a circle, rectangle or oval and coming up
with character personality. Also show simple motions or action using those
shapes.

Coming up with a storyline and storyboarding it utilizing bizarre or simple
situations e.g. veggies planning to make a jail break. There jail is
a refrigerator.

Good Luck!

Meechy

01-29-2008, 08:04 PM

Hello.

I'd like to ask if anybody can suggest a few simple projects for a storyboarding class that will be running for three weeks. I'm filling in for the former instructor and I'm scratching my head on this one mainly because I've never had to teach storyboarding. I'm in need of ideas that are both creative but not overwhelming. This is a college class with 20 - 30 year olds attending.

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

I don't know if this would be a good idea, it's something I was going to do for final graduation project before I took time off from the Art Institute.

Basically it is a twist on the angel and devil conscience helpers. My idea was to have a young man see cute girl at a park who gives him that smile only girls can to let you know they are interest or like what they see. The guy being some what shy and bashful is aided by these two mythical icons. My twist was to change the type of image of the angel and devil conscience.

For the devil I was thinking of something that you see and automatically draw the conclusion of wholesome, loving, and wise like a grandmother but a evil maniacal twist something like a military tattoo and a handbag full of devices(C4, trip mines, sniper rifle, chemical agents) to sway their charge to her way of thinking.

For the angel I was thinking of something you again look at and become fearful, monster or a typical mobster something out of the ordinary, who would also have a bag of tricks to persuade the host to accept their advice for the given situation.

The main plot is that instead of the Angel and devil giving advice that the host would accept the do battle on his shoulders and the victor has no opposition. Basically the war on his shoulder with Weapons Of Mass Distraction.

You could have the students make the traditional angel and devil, but then come up with one or two different images in a storyboard that would have them giving advice.

ThinkStory

01-31-2008, 07:54 PM

juhada - How about use a simple ball as the secondary object?
It can't talk or walk like live creatures but does have the
ability to make noise and roll, fly, spin, bounce, and attack others
on it's own which can drive the main character crazy.
It's a good tool to use if you want to give personality to a
character without necessarily making it too complex or have feelings.

perius - I love teaching, it's always exciting.
An activity I did when I taught storyboard is to show a short clip or
part of a movie to the class and have the students re-storyboard the video
with their own interpretation. It works best if you have the script.
I used to give an excerpt of the script to the students to review at home
and come up with initial ideas, before showing the actual video so that
they can compare/contrast. This way I can explain the technical stuff
in a more practical and engaging way. Also, having the whole class
storyboard the same script allows them to see how we interpret
and express stories differently, giving a little flavor of competition and
variety to the lecture.

ThinkStory

THE-SAMURAI-LEADER

03-05-2008, 03:40 AM

Hi ThinkStory. I really wants to thank you for your time and support in this forum. I don't know what much to say but thank you.

I need your help with something.

My lecturer asked me to write a 30 seconds story. "BUT" he doesn't want (Gags, Religions, commerciales, politics and sensitive topics). I tryed to write but I everytime can come up with commerciale or gags as it is for thiry seconds. I really don't know what to do now.

ThinkStory

03-10-2008, 05:36 PM

Hi THE-SAMURAI-LEADER,

Good question!!

Stories are made so complicated these days, it's become a challenge to
inspire simple thinking. If you need help with "simple concepts."
Try to go to a local library or bookstore and checkout the children's section.
Take a look at the picture books and see how the author builds up
their plotline and structure.

Stories like lost and found, what's in the box, fantasy themes such as things coming
to life in the museum are some examples.

None of them will have sensitive topics. These are tiny little sketches of big ideas
in small words and few pages, yet a beginning, middle and ending is still maintained
in each story. Don't copy them but read through a few. You just want to apply
their method to a subject that would be of interest to you. The key is to take a
basic thought, emotion, or situation and explore it a under a magnifying glass.
So write small but think big.

ThinkStory

THE-SAMURAI-LEADER

03-14-2008, 08:34 AM

Wow Think Story. You are really amazing. That's a nice idea you gave me. I never thought about it and I think it's gonna help me alot.

You are one of best story thinker.:thumbsup:

Shrutsss

03-18-2008, 05:51 PM

Hi think story
I've posted my short film story on another thread here...
http://forums.cgsociety.org/showthread.php?f=156&t=609705

Could u please take a look at it and suggest a better ending or execution? The important thing is i don't want it to get any longer than this..shorter will be great.

Thanks in advance!

ThinkStory

04-01-2008, 06:43 PM

Hi Shrutsss,

Here's the thing, every story needs an arc. A punch line.
It can be a point, reason, or reward after the audience is taken through the journey.

For this story, I think you want to convey the idea to not indulge into too much food.
Here's one way to break it out.
Beginning - Too much food = Problem
Middle - Girl realizes this = Journey
Ending - Girl walks to school upset = ?...we need a solution/resolution/turning point

Here's one way to fix it:
Keep the beginning from dream - wake up - bathroom - kitchen - missing the school bus.
But let's cut short with her flashbacks. By this time especially after the dream sequence
the audience should understand what the "problem" is in the story. Instead, let's drive
the theme forward, stress less on what she's been doing in the past but more on how
her decision has led to an actual consequence. To do this you can mix the running
with smaller flashbacks. The memories come to her as she hurries after the bus.
Memory of eating - running - eating - running. Then she trips, looks up, and realizes
the bus is far gone, on the ground at the peak of despair, she can't run anymore
and screams.

She wakes up.

It was a dream. She looks at the time, 15 min late.
(This part happens very fast.)
She hurries down the stairs with the toothbrush in her mouth as she finishes getting
dressed (no time for eating). She opens the refrigerator and grabs something out and
runs out the door. The bus comes. She catches it. The door slides open for her -
she made it. She's so relieved but then there's a pause and she decides not to go in -
she decides to take a walk today. Watching the bus leave, she happily takes out
the mysterious something she took from the kitchen, it's a celery, and she happily
crunches on it as she skips her way to school.

The message is not to stop eating but to eat healthy, to move, to exercise, but
most important (storywise) is that it's the character's decision that drives the story
forward, that changes its outcome. The idea is that what your character chooses
to do will make the story more interesting then just the events themselves.

There are also other alternatives, this is just one idea that I thought would require as
few changes as possible. Just a modification on the flashback scene to give room for a
more fulfilling wrap up.

ThinkStory