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View Full Version : 10 second animation clip (please crit)


Tom N.
07-12-2004, 07:56 AM
I was wondering if someone could gimme some feedback on my 10secondclub animation for this month.

-=copy and past in address bar or save as=-
http://www.angelfire.com/moon/tomny/JaneJuly.mov

I tried signing up for their crit list but my passwords not working yet so I figured I'd try here for now. Its still a WIP so let me know what I can do to improve!

Thanks,
Tom N.

rajesh
07-12-2004, 09:24 AM
nice one, develop the kicking anim., add more anticipation in start and at the end u can bring the character come one or two steps backwards and then settle.

mmkelly011881
07-12-2004, 01:47 PM
to be honest tom it's got alot going for it but it also seems kinda bland...

the only interesting thing about it is when she puts her foot on his chair... kinda seductive... but if that is what you are going for i think you need to put more movement in her hips when she is walking towards "neo" and have her feet go one in front of the other... right now the walk is kinda floaty.. no real weight

perhaps she can also slide her hand down the side of the battery like shes trying to be sweet...

when she kicks him backwards i don't think he should slide so much as fall backwards... then you can have the battery come untied and roll towards the camera..

since she is saying "our way" and gesturing behind her it might be a good idea to have other janes in the backgroundshe also moves her head back and forth a bit too evenly when talking with foot on the chair.. break it up.. it's gotta pop!

oshiroii
07-12-2004, 02:28 PM
I agree with the walking thing, she walks a bit strange, you should try some of mmkelly011881's suggestions. I do like it when she puts her feed on the chair and clearly let's her weight rest on it. That's pretty good.
I hava suggestion about the kicking, couldn't you let here kick the chair away, after she said here last line. I've figure this out:

my way [waves with hands] or the hightway [while saying or the highway, she leans closer and places her hand on the batteries "head"or the chair and at the WAY she pushes him over] Might try it out.

I think you're getting there, but it misses "someting" I think it's energy, some sort of .. i dunno how to say .. thing or energy wich makes you say WOOOOT, THIS ROOCKS, take a look at the animation from adam green the one from april. this does has "something" A good example would be the kick at the end. Yeah it's a kick and it look good, but you don't feel like: "YAAAAAAAAAAAY KICK, DAMN THAT WAS SOOOO HARD, HE'S IN REAAAAAL PANE :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: " it more like:"wow she kicked him, he fell over waaaaaay to easy, siiiisy :p "

But you're getting there man! Try to change a few things, experiments and you'll win for sure!

Tom N.
07-12-2004, 03:39 PM
Hey guys thanks soooo much for the help. I'll definately be trying these ideas and making the improvements.

@mmkelly: Yeah I was going for the whole "overpowering" somewhat seductive attitude. In the front view her feet do go one in front of the other like you said, I guess its not exaggerated enough. I'll also add more movement in the hips like you said and try to show her weight in the walk more. I'm having a hard time with it because its only one and a half steps and its a slow walk so theres no real "boom" when the front foot hits the ground like in other walks.

@oshiroii: I know!! I've done the kick over a few times, trying to give it that real 'hmpf' so that you really feel like shes pissed. The problem is, when you listen to the sound clip, she doesn't sound THAT pissed when she says the highway line so I feel like adding a bigger kickass kick would make the action go out of sync with the line. oh well I'll work on it and see if I can add that magical kickass feeling to it, I still have half a month, I'll post a newer one once some things are fixed.

Tom N.
07-13-2004, 12:55 AM
UPDATE-

ok Here's the latest version. I added more hips to the walk, the legs go even more in front of each other, and the chest sticks out a little more. Its all very slight though.

Also its from a new angle so you can see her put her hand on the battery.

Still workin on the kick part.

Please crit!! I kinda like the first one better still but I'd like to see what others think as well :)

-=copy and past or save as=-
http://www.angelfire.com/moon/tomny/JaneJuly2.mov

-Tom N.

Orona
07-13-2004, 10:17 AM
walk be more intersting. instead of regular walk, add some body lang'
:wavey:

oshiroii
07-13-2004, 11:57 AM
It looks nice, I really dig the camera angle. It is much more dramatic, zooming in on the character from begind really nice :buttrock: but might want to rotate it a bit more to see just this little extra.

I have trown some chairs away myself now and I conluded this: First she leans on the chair, next she leans more closer to build up and antisipation and strength, then she turns her torso a bit, moves the hand of the turning side more like she is givinng some guy the elbow (just the shape, not the strength) while the other hand is getting free too, but just a bit later. I think she should move backwards a bit while doing that and than BAAAM extreem pose, Her foot on which she leans is straigth under her body and her hand totally moved back andher torso turned around, looking with her head backwards and her leg totally stretcht uit. What you have now is that you're building up for the kick, you get really like a round ball, all packed to gether and then BAAAAM KIIIIICK OOOOOOW HE"S IS SOOOOOO MUCH PAAIN :buttrock: I included some thumbnails, The last thumbnail is a bit too extreem maybe, because she is talking pretty calm, but I advise you to do the scene with your own chair and then draw some stuff out. So that you know from like 95% sure what you wan, this might help.

I'm not sure what to do with the hand, you good keep it there,because it's quite nice, but you should figure some other things out with the drawings :arteest:

Tom N.
07-14-2004, 05:01 AM
Hey guys thanks so much for takin another look. I'll try out both your suggestions, might take a few days since I just started new classes but I'll post another soon. Thanks again :thumbsup:

-Tom N.

mattmos
07-15-2004, 06:05 PM
Looking good. The walk does need to be addressed though, the inbetweens are just too smooth. In a sexy walk the hips will swish from side to side - fast inbetween, slow on the extreme. Also the weight doesn't really feel like it's being transferred properly from leg to leg atm, could try translating the hips a bit further. Feet could stay on the ground for slightly longer also and move a little faster to compliment the hips. No point going for subtlety here, push it as much as you can as then do some more!

The kick doesn't have enough anticipation and I think the chair moves too fast off screen - perhaps have it rock back and then fall out of shot? The weight isn't believable as it is.
Nice acting choices, not too many poses crowding the performance, works well with the sound clip. Looking forward to the updates!

Tom N.
07-18-2004, 08:19 AM
Ok ya'll here's another update! Angelfire is busted so you'll have to save or copy and paste:

http://www.angelfire.com/moon/tomny/JaneJuly3.mov

Here's a list of things I've worked on in this update:

-Hips in walk, I accented them a little bit more and gave them a few frames more 'hang time' before swooshing to the opposite side.
-Took out the hand moving down the battery, it was a good idea but it didn't look right. I might go back and redo it (opinions? should I have kept it?)
-Chair weight issue, not sure how I did though, but I made it so the chair doesn't travel back as fast or as far.
-the kick! It has more 'boom' in it now, and the wind up has been exaggerated more.


So what do you guys think? I'm sure theres still work to be done this is just an update :thumbsup:

-Tom N.

PS. @oshiroii - I tried adding a fist during the kick instead of the open hand, but it didn't look as good (IMO) I like the fist in the wind up going into the open hand at the kick because it gives the impression of more of a release of energy. But just so you know I tried it and thanks for the drawings!

oshiroii
07-18-2004, 01:04 PM
Hmmz, It's looking much better!
I thought you were going for the seductive look? I'm too lazy to read back, so I just assume it :p You might want to move the pelvis more forward and even let the hips swing more :surprised. You might also want to stretch the legs out some more. I dunno precisly, tried to draw it out, but .......... :( not in a drawing kinda mood ;) Do yoy have the animator's survival kit? That's like book #1 IMO (only book I have so far but hay :D) It's really good and it really has nice descriptions on walks etc. You should check it out.
The kick is pretty nice, much more leaning forward and BOOOOM nice, just some fixen' up and it'll roooooock :thumbsup:

It's looking much better, keep it up :thumbsup:

Tom N.
07-24-2004, 03:19 AM
Thanks oshiroii :) Yeah I said I was going for 'seductive' but I guess I was thinking of just more feminine than seductive. I have Animators Survival Kit by Richard Williams, you're right its a damn good book, I always overlook the amount of help this book can give an animator and sometimes forget to look in it.

Anyways, this is one of 7 projects I have going on right now so this MIGHT have to be the finaled version. I'll post updates if I work on it any more, thanks so far everyone :thumbsup:

-Tom N.

KevinCCAD
07-29-2004, 04:06 PM
When somebody is thinking of something to say that has a gesture with it, the gesture usually comes a little before, unless you're a bad politician. In moments like the raised hands and "1 way" finger, try having them come a little before the actual word.

oshiroii
07-29-2004, 06:50 PM
KevinCCAD, That's good advise ! :thumbsup:
Tom N, Do you have a final? I believe you've got only one day. Or was the previous one final? I think I'll join next month too, will post here of course :D

Nicool
07-30-2004, 08:50 PM
Good work !
If you need advise.. I would say you to give more weight to the chair. The more, its movement has not the girls animation quality. I would do it taht way ( supposing I could give weight sensation to the chair) : having the chair falling down around one of its feet, then a car (even a simple motion blured cube) taking the chair.

ryusen
07-31-2004, 01:17 PM
i agree with Nicool.. I think the chair should have more weight.. probably it should tople from getting kicked.. and the movement of the waist is still kinda strange.. not much recoil and stretch maybe.. but it's a good animation already..

oshiroii
08-02-2004, 06:03 PM
Tom, I didn't see you're animation at the 10 sec club, I would have voted for good work!

Tom N.
08-04-2004, 10:51 PM
Whoa! I didn't notice all these replies! Thanks guys.

Yeah my entry for some reason didn't get entered, I'm kinda pissed. But, this was my first entry so i must have done something wrong although I followed the rules exactly. I used the compressor given in the FAQ and it was under 1.8 Mb, and I did the spamcheck thing from the mods email to make sure he got my entry. I don't know what happened but atleast I still got a lot of good practice and feedback from all you guys.

Thanks so much everybody!

-Tom N.

oshiroii
08-05-2004, 03:06 PM
That's right! We've seen it and you've had a good excersise, :thumbsup: that's the spirit

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