graphic novel: Feedback on a project

[keltuzar]

I like the way you made the transitions from one cell to another - quite innovative and new.
In my opinion your characters are good but would require more detail to look better.

[jordanMARX]

thank you! I'll work on the character details then...they are a bit simplified, and I could attempt to cover it up claiming that it's my 'style'. But it's not. nope nope. thanks again for the input.

[keltuzar]

Hey no problem dude!
I saw that no one was critiquing your thread and decided to take some time and see what you have to show.
Seriously I did learn a thing or two from your cartoons.

[cuppacam]

love the panel transitions. I'm into comics and stuff and I thought it was really original.

[jordanMARX]

Thank you...both of your comments on originality are music to my ears. they're more important then any comment on line-weight, color, tone, detail and all.

...thanks

[yart]

i think that your coloration are too confuse

[Rye]

I definitely think the feel of it is different, I really like the transition of the chimneys, and then the guy smoking like one.

I'm confused as to the title of this piece. Is it called All New, or Grand Opening Kleenex (neither of which do I understand).

At first the guy seems to be chained to a cloth or something looking over a cliff, then is suddenly lying on the ground by a mountain without any indication of how he got there, or where the other guy came from. Then the whole swarm of people appear out of nowhere, and I can't tell if fire is falling on them, or if fire is flying out of their crotches. The very next page the entire place is ablaze and a fireman is lifting this little wooden....thing, while digging through cardboard boxes that were never there in the first place. In the last pannel, it looks like he has a burning mop sticking out of his pocket, and the tiny wooden thing he was lifting is now HUGE, even though its in perspective and behind him now.

I got a pretty basic sense of what was going on. It wasn't so confusing that I just gave up on it, but if this was longer than 3 or 4 pages I would start to get really tired from trying to figure out whats going on. know you are concerned with being original, but line-weight, color, tone, and detail are all EXTREMELY important, if not MORE important to better convey your story. I wish I could give you critiques on all that stuff, but I'm not all that great yet, so I really wouldn't know where to begin.

Anyway dude, you did a good job, and I know how much work it takes to put something like this together. It really does have a cool surreal feel to it, keep going with it, maybe it will come together more when the entire piece is done.

[jordanMARX]

there are 3 more pages to be added. 6 pages altogether...the assignment was to make a graphic novel of at least 4 pages and make it jump around cronologically. I need y'all to take a leap of faith in believing that when every page is completeted every detail needed to know whats going on will indeed be there.

...anyhey, as for the title. there is no title. the "all new" thing at the top of the page was just there from a year ago...I decided to put the images up on an old comic site of mine...

...thanks for the feedback Rye, it's much appreciated...
..and.. um, Yart... pretty please...yaknow...explain yourself...

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