Characters: Yamazaki and Blue Mary

[davhub]

Hi there.. I like the motion blurring of his ar
even if I would try to blur and deopacize the final speed lines
near the ground: a little too thick and saturated.

Tha girl: I would try to reduce the contour expecially
in the arms. Reduce stays for: not black but a dark grey. just to lessen its visual importance.
The right arm (from the shoulder to tha elbow)
is too deformed.. I do not know the char, but
the forearm is a little too thick (and visually it come along with the underpart of the breast... increasing the visual thickness) and the muscles near the shoulders are too tiny..

Concerning the background: Very very nice the effect (I guess some brush strokes effect) of the lights!

But try to reduce the graininess of the nearest lights.
Too much "painted style" respect the backgorund ones.

Shadows OK, and. excuse me if I am too harsh!
I'd like to see it emproved! hope these could help you.

DavHub

[GMFuu]

I'm not a professional artist, so a lot of terms you used I didn't fully understand:

"even if I would try to blur and deopacize the final speed lines
near the ground: a little too thick and saturated."
He's wearing gloves, so I made the bottom part black, if that's what you meant.

"I would try to reduce the contour expecially
in the arms. Reduce stays for: not black but a dark grey. just to lessen its visual importance."
I didn't understand what you mean by that, and I don't understand the concept of "visual importance." If it's not too much trouble, could you clarify this?

"The right arm (from the shoulder to tha elbow)
is too deformed.. "
So should I thin out the bottom part a bit more?

"visual thickness"
What is this exactly? The width of the line?

"But try to reduce the graininess of the nearest lights.
Too much "painted style" respect the backgorund ones."
You mean the red lights along the sides of the walls?

If you can clarify these, it would be a big help. Thanks for the critiques!

[davhub]

I'm sorry if my explanations are not so clear I beg your pardon.

"He's wearing gloves, so I made the bottom part black, if that's what you meant."

Yeah! I did not realize why there's black in the final part of the blurred effect!

Logically speaking You are right, but, as you can understand, Anyone who does not know he wears gloves probably thinks like I did. Now I know it your choice is right and clear!

"visual importance."

No trouble at all! I think that the black contour near the "pale pink" (it's not really pink but It's the overall color) is too strong! in other parts of the image contours blend naturally with the filled areas and the background. Here, as you can see, there are two
reasons why it appear and catch the glance of the viewer (visual importance)
First of all in the left arm you colour the nearest area with a very pale pink considering the effect of the "volumetric spotlight" (and you made it well). And for this reason I think the contours should be less visible, wiped out by the white of the the very bright light casted on that portion of the body.

Second: Consider tha man standing: I do not see any contours at all.. Expecially in the face! there's a truly difference between the painting style of the two characters, and most of this difference concerning the flesh. Don't you think?


"So should I thin out the bottom part a bit more?"
Yeah, to me the right forearm should be a little thinner.
and try to solve the "problem" (to me it's strange looking)
of the conjunction between the arm and the shoulder.


" "visual thickness"
What is this exactly? The width of the line?"

No, I was speaking about the visual impression a watcher has
looking at that portion. You have: a forearm a little bit too muscled, and the contrast, just where the upper part of forearm
ends, between the red of the top bikini and the flesh.
This contrast made this part a little bit too "thick".
I bet that if you reduce the forearm and let show the chest down from the bikini top it should be balanced.

You mean the red lights along the sides of the walls?

sorry about this I was totally unclear!
Yeah, the red light (the one put on the left), but i was speaking about the lights of the buildings.
There's a little bit of perpective in the building so there are lights
that are nearer and lights put far from the viewer.
considering the perspective line: in the right portion of the image there are the nearest lights. The graininess it equal to that used to render the farthest ones in the upper left corner.
And this look "strange"

(consider this is a detail)

I Hope to have been clearer this time!
Sorry about my first post! and take this as suggestions and not crits only!
DavHub

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